Hello All, i just joined the group. I am in my forties. I am in a marriage that has been I guess from day one not the right one. We both are not happy with each other. She expected someone else and I am too expecting someone else. We are just together because of the kids. We have fought many times somehow made up but it has been always me who tries to make things better. I like to go out and travel and she will find every reason not to go out or do anything. She does not want to have common friends. She gave me hard time going to parties with my friends as a couple. We don’t get along. I want to separate but it is hard. My parents think that divorce is a disgrace. I am also unsure of my life. I have good career. When i am at work I am bit happy but I am not happy at home. There is always tension in the house.
Have you two tried therapy together? Separate?
She refused to go.
What do you think is going on with her? I mean, do you think its possible she has some kind if issues such as depression, anxiety, mood disorder?
@Fohb460 it definitely seems like. She is not a confident person. She is very materialistic person. She is very moody with me but she is always nice to her own friends. She constantly talks about kids. We have no other topic to discuss. No kids are perfect but she always finds something to worry about. Even when my kid started dating without even meeting the person she started bashing because she just assumes that the person is not the right partner my kid.
@Saint_iki-Wolf I have not. After reading through all the comments and suggestions I will try to convince her again.
Welcome to SG. I'm sorry to hear what you're going through, friend. I know it's not easy to experience marital difficulties. It does take a lot of hard work and patience to build a lasting happy marriage. Please get some help. I'd suggest that you consider talking to a counselor/therapist. A caring professional might be able to give you some solid guidance. I just said a prayer for you and your wife, and I hope that God will bring healing and hope to your relationship. Stay strong. Peace to you.
@littlestarsmum thank you for your advice and prayer.
You have to identify what is harming your relationship. The behavior are just shallow surface things, what is beneath needs to be explored, the hurts, the blaming, the feelings. Many times it is just a matter of proper perspective of what a marriage is and how it works and what is the best thing for each spouse to do so that you end up in a win-win situation. What I have recommended many times is a seminar called A Weekend to Remember at https://www.familylife.com/weekend-to-remember/. They teach so many things that many couples are not even aware of and it is becomes more of an experience as you learn and discuss what a working marriage looks like and how you want to move forward. It has helped the marriage of some of my friends whose marriages made a complete turnaround. These are held at many locations in the US and at different weekends. The last time we attended many years ago they also have therapists and counselors in the premises who helped us. Why not check it out. There is always hope.
@TofuOrNotTofu thank you for your support. I will look into your suggestions