I just found you guys this evening and wanted to go ahead and introduce myself.
I'm an almost 50 year old female who has suffered with compulsive overeating/binge eating disorder since I was in grade school.
I am currently in therapy and have been for about six months. I've been in therapy many times during my life but I think I've finally found a therapist that I like who "gets" me.
I'm in the throes of depression at the moment and am desperate for support. I struggle to make it through the day without crying at least once. I'm so afraid that my therapist that I like so much is going to give up on me. I know what to do, how to do it, I know my resources, etc...but I still bash myself and lead myself to believe I don't deserve recovery. Intellectually I know this is BS but my heart and soul are still questioning it.
So I've introduced myself. I hope I find the support I want so badly and I hope, in turn, I'll be able to support you too.
Hi dancer, welcome! We are a very supportive, welcomming and loving bunch here...you need to vent, you vent. You need a shoulder, we all have two. Advice? Check! Please feel free to continue sharing...
What are some stratagies you use to cope with your bingeing?
Hi Lilac~
What a wonderful warm welcome. I SO needed that! I know I will be posting more in the near future but I'm actually heading out to a NYE party right now.
I actually can't believe I'm going to a party feeling as depressed as I am. I'm hoping it will help some to not isolate.
Thanks again and I'll be back soon!
Happy new year, dfj, i hope you had a blast at your party!
thank you so much for reaching out and sharing your story. we all understand on here what you are going through, living with ED is a daily battle. we said the other day, the worst abusive realtionship to be in ever.
you should be proud for having started therapy and i'm glad that you found the right therapist (and us, lol). does she specialize in EDs? if she is as good as you say then she will not simply dump you because she understands the strong hold such an illness has on people. she would understand recovery is not a linear process but will bring times too when you might not feel like fighting on anymore. so don't worry about losing her.
Thank you and NYE was a good time. Saw a live band, socialized a bit and had a midnight breakfast. Slept in until about 11:00 this morning so I'm feeling pretty decent today.
You, Maedi, are right. My therapist specializes in EDs and has actually been in recovery from an ED for over 20 years now. That's one reason I like being able to talk to her. My last therapist was clueless and set me back some. His answer to my issues was to get gastric bypass and then start on my issues. duh!!! I know my current therapist won't just dump me but that's part of my disease, believing I'm not worthy or deserving of a good therapist.
My background to my BED/COE, from what I've deducted, started around the age of seven when my mom drove an hour each way to a WW meeting to lose weight. At this same time my parents were arguing constantly and, being just a child at the time and thinking the whole world revolves around me, I believed my father was packing up to leave because of me. So, not only were my parents telling me I wasn't good enough because I needed to lose weight, they also were splitting up because of me (they actually never split up).
This was the beginning of my sneak eating, overeating to numb and avoid situations, and punish myself becasue I wasn't good enough. In my many years on this earth I have coped with food deprivation, overeating and dieting myself to what physicians call "morbid obesity".
I realize that my ED has been my survival method for many years but I'm working on the real issues now and I want the ED behaviors to go away and to find better, more healthy, survival methods.
How's that for background? lol Thanks for asking and giving me a place to share my feelings.
dfj, your story sounds a bit like my own actually for the part of eating cause worrying that your parents might slip.
i kinda realized than now that i had an ED at least my parents had something to talk about and stick together for!
well, now they still dont have the happy marriage i was envisaging for them and i still have that **** ED :-) so much for trying to help (subconsciously!)...
anyway, it truely is a blessing to find such a great therapist especially cause evertime you see her you are reminded that recovery IS possible!
I am 16 (nearly 17) and totally get what you mean when you 'click' with a counsellor. I didn't with my first two and things just got worse, so I hope that now you have found one you can feel right with things improve :) I used to worry they would give up on me too! :O I hate that feeling, because it makes you almost think you're weird and the only one who feels like that. I am pretty certain that seeing as you've clicked with your counsellor, you are just worried that this good thing might not last. I'm sure it will :)
I joined this site just a week or so ago, and already I am finding it so useful and have made lots of lovely friends on here. It is such a good place for understanding.
Hi Dancer...I'd like to welcome you as well. As you can already tell, there are many supportive and sincere people on this site!
Thank you for sharing so much about yourself and your journey. I'm sorry that you have struggled so long, but please don't give up! I also had an eating disorder from age 13, until age 50, and I have now been recovered for over 3 years..FULLY!! It takes a lot of hard work, and great professionals to help you, but you CAN do this!
Do you feel like you are getting the type of help you need? You can like your therpist, but that doesn't always mean you are getting the challenges and guidance you need to recover. Believe me, I know!
I hope you will continue to fight for you freedom, and share with all of us here....take care...Jan ♥