Hello everyone, I am new to this group and I'm very confused

Hello everyone, I am new to this group and I'm very confused and upset. I'm 25 and all my life i've dated men but for the past 2 months I've been dating a woman. I told my mom about 2 weeks ago and she's having a tough time dealing with this and it's taking a toll on my mental health and also my relationship with my girlfriend. I never thought this would happen but I can honestly say I'm happy with my girlfriend. I spoke with my therapist yesterday and she basically said that I need to focus on my happiness first instead of putting everyone's happiness before mine, because I'm dating my girlfriend and not my mom. I just feel like a disappointment to my mom and my anxiety/depression has been getting worse. If anyone has any advice or suggestions for me to consider, I would appreciate it so much! Thank you

i would second that thought, you have to focus on your happiness. that is so important in life. if dating her makes you happy, then you deserve to be happy.

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@Griz75 I’m just scared my mom is going to abandon me when I know she would never. When I talked to her the other day, she said it has nothing to do with me only with herself and her feelings and that she needs time. But my girlfriend and I talked yesterday and she said if my mom doesn’t end up approving of us, she would never make me choose between her and my family and she would end the relationship because she respects my mother. And I know if the relationship ended, I would be very upset and my mother would see that and most likely feel bad (I hope).

You cannot change how your mother feels, no more than she can change how you feel about your girlfriend. My mom and I have had very rough times, and because of her close mindedness, I do not share some major areas of my life with her. Do I want to? Yes, but she would never accept them. But in doing so, I have a good relationship with her again. I wish you all the joy in the world with your girlfriend.

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@Kiaya_saya thank you so much! I’m glad you have a good relationship with your mom! I’m hoping my mom can get passed this and will accept this!

Let your mom know that you haven't changed you are still you. Give her hugs and let her know you are there for her. Of course you need extra support to it isn't easy coming out even in the best of circumstances. Educate yourself on what it's like for parents, what they go through so you can help your mom a little here and there maybe print some info out for her so she can understand what she's going through better. The more info she has it will help her process her emotions. Sometimes people don't realize that there's more to it than just being ok with you child coming out. Some people may think its just a matter of parents being excepting but even when they are they still have to process the changes in their mind and go through emotions and its perfectly normal. It will take time of course but as long as you show your mom love and support and help educate her it will help tremendously and be well worth your efforts. Hugs

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@Littleturtle1000 thank you so much. This brought a lot of insight to me. I will definitely look up stuff and print it out for my mom and also talk to her!!!

Your therapist gave you the right advice. Living for others will only create more unhappiness within yourself. Your mother lived her life as she wanted and whether that was a happy life or not, it's the one she chose. You now have a choice. You have a desire to make your mother happy but you should be on a mission to make you happy, by whatever means necessary. Pleasing someone is very expensive and you will be the only one paying the price. This can lead to resentment and the loss of a relationship that could have had long lasting and happy effects. Can you live with that? You ought not to. Give your mother time to come around. She either will or she won't; either way making a decision for your own life is a good thing. No one has to understand the source of your happiness but you. Continue working with your therapist and take your time with your mother. It's understandable why she might be upset but she will have to come to terms with her own emotions.

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@MermaidChic91 thank you so much. reading that made me realize so much. I definitely can’t please my mom, I need to worry about my own happiness. It’s just hard sometimes because my mom throws out these passive aggressive remarks and it’s annoying, I feel like one day i’m going to snap one day