Hello everyone. I don't know how to start but growing up I lived with a controlling and overbearing family. I never had a job till I was 19. I moved out mid twenties with my boyfriend who is now my husband. He's disabled. No one would ever teach me to drive. I still can't and I'm 33. I ask people to teach me but they're always too busy. We take care of his mom who is legally blind. We moved in with friends bc we are low income and almost got evicted. We were good friends. I thought things would get better but they didn't. The woman didn't work and was between jobs. He was working under the table only getting $50/week from the person bc he has an account with this person and the remaining earned goes towards that. Her mom paid off the house so we no longer have to deal with the landlord. She had me put the water in my name and said she would pay it. She started working and hasn't paid the water bill since the beginning of the year and all of a sudden it's my husband's responsibility to pay it. She is also my mother-in-law's caregiver and POA. She is supposed to take her to appointments but she works. So we end up going with her on a bus. We ask her simple questions about what needs paid during the month and she says how the hell should I know. She admits she is lazy and won't tell us anything until last minute. We were the only ones paying rent besides her husband who had some of his money put towards the account from working for the landlord. Now she is splurging money at rentacenter and buying random things. She has yet to put a penny towards any bills or rent. Her brother helped us move our items to a storage and my mother-in-law wants to give him $50 for helping. She says well we have to wait and see what has to be paid out before you can do that. She is working and gets almost $20/day just in tips. She won't use her money for anything. If we need anything for the house she uses my mother-in-law's bank card and spends her money to buy everything. Idk what to do. I have to care for my mother-in-law, my husband and all the animals here. I clean the house. I help when I can. She's supposed to be my bff and she is always grouchy towards me. She says it's only bc she's tired and has a headache but sometimes I don't think that's even why. I want to be able to have income but I can't with 2 disabled people to care for and the only two people to drive are never around due to work or they're joyriding from here to there. They won't teach me. They go away on vacations for a week at a time and expect us to be fine. They say we're family but we're treated more like house slaves. What do I do bc I'm so tired of having to live check to check my whole life and having everyone screw me from top to bottom? I'm lost. People say I grew up under a rock bc I don't know a lot of things. I get made fun of bc I haven't seen different movies or heard of different things. I had to take care of family my whole life. My grandparents from about 7 years old and up. There was no time for friends. Just school, cook, clean, personal care, go to bed and sane thing. Or I was working asking with those after 19.
Im sorry that things have been so hard for you i hope you can get things changed around soon. Things like your situation happens all too often when friends and family are helping each other out. It seems like someones always doing more than the other one unfortunately. You know now that your friend doesnt usually do what she says shes going to do so dont expect much or you will be more disappointed every time. Can you and your husband get your name on a list for housing? Have you done any studying on driving? It sounds like you will need to make a point every week to ask someone if they can take an hour or so to help you drive you could start out in a large empty parking lot some where maybe. If your husband is on disability maybe that could help as far as getting into housing sooner. You guys have to get out of that situation.
Wow you have a lot on your plate. I am not sure what state you live in but have you tried any public agencies that can offer help. If you let me know the City/State you live in, I can search to see if there are any public assistance you can apply for. Here is New York we have a lot of State and City programs for people in your position. I hope you find some help with the problem you are going through
Northumberland county, PA
The people I live with are now talking about moving about 3 hours from here and leaving us here when she is my mother-in-law’s POA. They are the only ones who can drive and she is supposed to be her caregiver. I’m tired of people saying they’re gonna help us just to abandon us shortly after bc something better comes along. I give up.. it’s not fair. I might as well just live on the streets.
I agree with Earlier posts. Local agencies should be able to help with housing, driving.... vocational rehabilitation and or social services agency should be able to give you some guidance. Good luck.
Is your husband or mother in law on disability? If they are then you should be able to connect with the case workers to find other resources. Also your state department of health and human services. I work for Illinois Medicaid and there are a lot of programs out there that people are not aware of. I know our Medicaid and Medicare covers transportation for appointments. That might be an option to help out. My city also has transportation specifically for senior citizens. Catholic Charities is also a good resource all over the US. You don’t have to be Catholic and they often have resources and lists of places that can help. They would be good for local resources. They might also be able to get legal services to get her off of your mother in laws accounts. I pray that things turn around for you. You are doing the best you can and are taking on a lot.