Hello everyone! I had a miscarriage seven years ago and I ca

Hello everyone! I had a miscarriage seven years ago and I can't seem to move past it. It was difficult, it was painful and I had to go through it alone (my husband has since seen the error of his ways and apologized profusely but I don't think that he wants more children even to this day...something I suspect he is terrified to admit to me.) I cry every time I think about it and given my medical history, my age (38) and that fact that I am the only one working in my household because my husband can't work due to a debilitating lung disease.....I highly doubt that I will be able to have more children. I already have two boys (18 & 9) who are on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum so one might think that I should be grateful and/or fearful of having more children. I love children and my greatest fear was losing one. Even though I know one child can't make up for losing another I really wish I had a "rainbow baby". Not sure if that would help me deal with the loss of my daughter but I am desperate for the pain to go away. I pray about it a lot and I can definitely say that time does not heal all wounds because the minute I see a baby/child/or pregnant woman.....I instantly tear up. I just need to find a way to accept my loss and to accept the very real possibility that I won't be having anymore children...................which is why I joined this group. I am in midst of crying so I will end it here but feel free to comment if you feel the need. Thanks and stay safe!

Im very sorry for your loss. I think i understand your feelings for wanting another baby. I lost my first born several years ago, then had another child a year later. I think if i would have had other children before i lost one i probably still would have felt the strong need to have another. Everyone is different there isnt a right or wrong way to feel. Is your husband able to help if you had another baby? A friend of mine had a baby when she was 45 thats just how it happened, she lost her first born some years before that. Maybe start thinking about what your family situation is like now and how having a baby would change things. How are things with your other two kids and how is there relationship with their dad (just for you to ponder). Maybe consider other options, im not suggesting to put the way you feel out of your mind, im only suggesting to consider, to kind of think what other things might be like such as taking classes to be a foster parent. You wouldnt have to take evey child they ask you to take because you dont have too, you could only take certain ages or whatever woukd fit your famiky better. Maybe only real young children, whatever you feel is best for you. You could do respite care for other foster families that need someone to take their foster child or children while they take a weekend off. It wouldnt hurt anytbing for you to look into taking classes, you could get information from your local dept of child services. It may not be for you and your family but it was a thought.

1 Heart

Thank you for your kind words and suggestions. My kids have a great relationship with their dad. I have considered fostering but having a new baby/child through any means would be difficult on my family....mainly because I work and go to school and he is dealing with a progressive lung disease while helping the boys with school at home...so our plate is already full. I just wish I could find a way to shake off my feelings then accepting the reality of things wouldn't hurt so bad.

Maybe it hurts so much because I lost my only daughter.

I also wanted to say that I'm sorry for your loss and I understand. Every life is precious so it is hard to let go of what your daughter would have meant. I wanted to share some resources that were shared with me that might be useful for bringing healing to your heart and mind: https://bit.ly/35PxScD
I hope you find it helpful!

Thank you so much! It looks very resourceful and I will definitely be checking it out today. Kind of excited about it.

1 Heart

I am so sorry for you loss, I hope that some of the advice here is helping you. I think that the pain that surrounds a loss like this is so difficult because many people have not faced it, and they just can't seem to understand the deep hurt it can cause. Please know that we are here to listen and support you, praying for you.

@chaoticjoy3 Thank you so much for saying that. It really does bring comfort to my heart.