I've never tried an online support group before, so I'm not sure how to do this. I thought I'd just say hello for now and that I'm open to conversation. I have been having a lot of difficulty lately dealing with my emotions and feelings of being lonely. I have a great husband but I don't want to burden him all the time. I don't want him to worry about me. My main issues, which are ongoing, is that I don't have the close relationship with my grown children that I wish I had and I don't feel like I have any "real" freinds, at least not any good ones. I don't really have a lot of freinds period. I'm not sure why that is, but I would like to explore the issue and try to find a solution. Sometimes I just feel like there is something wrong with me. : (
I just got that same feeling/attitude from my 18yr. 20mins. ago & did my best to not take it personal. My 26yr. old usually only calls when he wants me ASAP for something & again I try to NOT take personal & I dont go running unless its a REAL emergency. Its pretty much that kids/people nowadays are very into themselves/self absorbed, its all over this site if one really reads whats written, I dont think people really see it in themselve huh & I know I can learn something beneficial outta this instead of getting frustrated, so I talk it out here, I do realize that it is something within that makes a person (myself included) feel this way at times, low self esteem, confidence, again I keep daily working on it....... Any thoughts?
April
Sorry It took me so long to get back on here. I’m taking summer biology classes at the community college and I’m having a hard time keeping up. It’s taking all my time it seems like! I think that self esteem could have something to do with it as I don’t think I have a lot of confidence in myself. I hate that I always blame myself for how my kids are, but I can’t seem to help it. So agrivating!!
hon
welcome to the support group, im sorry that u feel so alone, and alienated from those u love but kids are often thoughtless creatures,
but hopefully u can chat here and form so lasting friendships or just off load
please keep chattin and posting
as always
loving thoughts and positive vibes
Thanks…that’s sweet. : )
Hi Hiwker,
Welcome...I know that feel of loneliness it can be difficult. May I ask what age your children are? Are they in relationships/married do they have kids of their own.
I'm 27 and it was only at the age of 24 that I started to build a friendship with my mam.
Do you work? I'm sure there is nothing wrong with you, you seem like a lovely person to me, who's just a little down at present. I'm sure there are plenty of classes in your area you could join to get to know more people, would that interest you at all, or voluntary work is a great way to get to know people too.
Continue to talk here...we want to hear from you.
Warmest Wishes to you
Moongal x
Hi Moongal,
my kids are grown. 28,27 and 24. I think they respect me, but I’m not the first person they think of when they want to talk or get together. I hardly ever hear from my oldest daughter,she is busy with her life. Sometimes I think that she doesn’t tell me stuff or want to get together because she thinks I disaprove of her life and choices. I try very hard not to force my views on them and try to be open but for some reason it doesn’t matter. That’s the only thing I can think of with her. She says she wants to have a relationship with me but then she never calls etc. My middle daughter calls the most. She tries to stay in contact and stuff but we live 11/2 hrs away from each other so we can’t get together that often. She has two kids of her own, who I adore but don’t get to see enough. My son, the baby in the family, is very far away (2000 miles) and he calls me but it still just feels really distant. He just had a baby last December with a gal that he’s no longer together with and the relationship is strained between them. I just recently went to visit him and the baby and it was so sad to think that I may not get to have a realationship with my new grandson. I don’t know, things are more complicated than I am able to write about here. I went back to school to get a degree three years ago, so I am not working right now but am a full time student. I volunteer regularly and do all the things that “I’m suposed to do” but I still feel alone. Even when I’m surrounded by people. It’s weird. I have friends, but none of them seem like good friends. It feels like if I stop reaching out to them then the friendships will just disolve. The only one that I feel is truely there for me is my husband, but I don’t want to burden him all the time. Anyway this is too long so I’m going to sign off! Thanks for talking with me.
hi andrea!!!
hey how are you???? this is a new segment of support groups i guess, as it has been growing a lot....i see...
i know how lonliness is, as i myself try to seperate myself from others in hopes of not getting hurt. after my best freind stabbed me in the back big time,and many other friends hurt me( as well as my parents) i decided to not have any friends or be close to others....i made a pact with myself---to never get hurt again....
so now, i find myself very distant with people and scared, andshy very shy. and i panic when i meet others..panic!
i get scared they wont like me and ill bolt away...like a frightened cat....it is sad, but i feel like i need this wall up around me to protect myself from getting hurt. my best freind of 13 years who destroyed my trust killed my hopes for humanity--and i decided to not trust again. ok excpept for my fiancee....
it was so painful, the pain, i was so hurt by my best freind....it was awful we were like sisters....but this loneliness i have created isnt workigng either cause i miss having other people in my life, especially females! ive been hurt by many females before, so it is like, i do not trust ....at all...
i want to trust others, i want to have friends, but i dont know how and i dont know if i can trust others....
i just dont know....
if i open up my heart again and get stepped on....
anyway, sorry for the ramble, ha, i just can relate to not having any close freinds(except for you all online-ha)
i guess with me, i made myself not have freinds..
but i want to start to let people in my life once again....
love
maureen
Christa33, yes one tends to isolate when bad experiences occur in life but shouldnt we do our best to try & learn from it????? Thats why I enjoy this site kinda makes one think about others point of view, keep talking everyone so others can maybe find a different answer to their problem =D
April
thanks april i guess bad experiences can cause one to isolate...but i guess after a period of time, that doesnt work anymore .....
and yes this site is very good,
thanks a lot,
christa33
Hi hikertw....I know how you feel...I just got out of 5 yr relationship and I tried to talk to my adult kids about my feelings and the situation and they can listen to me, but they talk to me then like i need to be scolded..I don't need scolding, but a shoulder to lean on and cry on for awhile...I am alone and live in a big house that i now share with my oldest son till he gets back on his feet and he just stays to himself...i know he cares, but he cannot relate and understand my loneliness...i find that here I can express and say what i feel and it makes me feel better...just like you i don't have any "true" friends and the ones I try to count on are too busy and I feel like a burden to them...want someone to talk to or express your feelings, this is the place...write a novel if you have to, it makes me feel better...serenity...
Hi Serenity,
I’m sorry to hear about your break up, I know how hard that can be. It’s hard to take a chance with people when you have been hurt in a relationship. I am thankful for my husband, he is by far my best friend in the whole world. I feel like if something happened to him/us I would be completely alone. There is a part of me that worries sometimes that he will eventually leave like everyone else, but I know that is very negative. I know it’s important to keep your heart open because we are not meant to be alone! I understand about how you feel with your son. When my oldest lived with us she was very secretive and distant. When I would try to connect with her it never ended well. I believe that I have unrealistic expectations and that is why I’m always being disapointed in my relationships with people. Is that the same for you? If you need to talk some more about your feelings regarding your break up or anything else, let me know.
Hang in there
Oh I'm so sori to hear that. I would hate my Mammy to feel like that. I guess from time to time we forget that hearts are hearts and they do get broken and sitting down and talking one and one with out Mam's as a friend would be a great way to mend these things.
I'm not sure about sons as I have no brothers, but anyone I've ever dated always have said "mammy makes the best dinner"....in a loving tone of course...but they would never talk to much about them, but you could tell they adored them, I just don't think they had much of a friendship with them. (maybe that's just an Irish thing though...feed and spoil the sons)
You are certainly not a burden, we will always need ye. It just seems that a change has come where you need us too which your kids may not realise...that you need a friend. Talk to them about this...my Mam is one of my best friends and it's something so great to have.
So figure out in your own family dynamic how you would like to change it...tell them exactly how you feel, that would be a great start, once they are aware of that I'm sure they would help you.
Although we may seem like ungrateful little bratz at times....we really do love the bones off each and everyone of ye.
Thank you to all the Mammies out there
Moongal x
Moongal YOU ARE THE BEST =D, keep doin it!
Hey,
No worries April...sometimes I think it may be difficult to see our Mammy's as people too and take them for granted because it they have always been there minding us from Day 1.
But I think that we are constantly learning from ye...we will always be the ducklings coming behind especially when it comes to life lessons.
We do appreciate your work even if we don't always show it.
Warmest Wishes to you
MG x
Hi Hikertw, welcome to Support Groups and thank you for sharing your story. We are here to support you in any way that we can. I believe that you have taken the first right step to change, as you are here to gain support in order to help yourself through and hopefully out of this loneliness.
I have gone through severe bouts of loneliness, though I realize that it's up to me to make a change. So, I take baby steps at trying to really stave off my loneliness by doing something as simple as getting out of the house and attending an event, reading at a cafe, and meeting a friend for coffee. As well, is it possible for you to reach out to your children in order to take small steps to get closer to them? And do you have any friends from your past that you can reach out to?
Wishing you all of the very best.
Thanks for the welcome, I appreciated it. Your picture reminds me of myself, except with cats. I have 5…going on 6 of them! I know, pretty crazy. Animals don’t judge. : )
I have a couple of friends from 15-20 years ago but we have really drifted and the relationships feel very superficial. My one friend is kind of confusing because she says I’m her “best freind” but she never wants to get together (she says she does but never follows through) and doesn’t respond to messages all the time etc. I just don’t feel very important to any of my friends, and I feel like I do all of the work. I think if I stopped talking to them they would just disapear out of my life.
It is not easy for me to make friends. I don’t know why. I’ve made an appointment with a therypist because I’m tired of feeling bad. It’s like a roller coaster when it comes to my emotions. I think I might be struggling with depression, and I just don’t seem to be able to help myself through it this time. It seems to be getting harder and harder. I do all the things that you mentioned, but my lonliness seems to run deeper than any of those things can fix.
I appreciate you talking to me!
Hey Hikertw, dont be so hard on yourself or overthink your kids or relationship w/them, I do my best daily w/my older kids & try to respect & enjoy the moments we have together, which are few & far between, isnt that what growing up IS about? What we taught them in life & not feel like we are wasting time about them not needing or wanting us but being & showing we are purposeful in life...... you are doing a wonderful job in getting a degree WOW & showing them that life IS good & full even when we are by ourselves regardless of current circumstances that we are feeling at times w/what they are doing w/their lives, cause they too have to learn just like the rest of us....
Hey April, thanks for the message. I don’t know what to say about my kids, I think I just feel everything too much. It’s mostly my older daughter that blows me off. It just makes me really sad when I think about it. When I do talk to her she acts like everything is normal. I can’t tell her how I feel because then she would never talk to me at all. She says she doesn’t like “drama” and I guess talking about feelings comes under that catagory. What hurts, I guess, is that I spent years devoting my life to my kids. They literally were my whole life. I had my oldest daughter when I was 16, my middle daughter when I was 17 and my son when I was 20. I always thought that when they grew up we would be close because we were when they were growing up. My middle daughter calls me often and we have a good relationship. It’s hard because she is so far away that we can’t get together very often. My son calls me when he thinks about it but he lives 2000 miles away, plus some stuff has happened in the past to severely strain our relationship. I think it is about the best it will ever be, which makes me sad. I don’t know. I’m just rambling now. I just don’t feel like I have a connection to anyone, except my husband, and I don’t understand it. I don’t come across as judgemental, at least most of the time. Sometimes I do make suggestions, but it’s really hard to see your kids make big mistakes that you know will hurt them in the long run and keep quiet about it. I think it is harder, at least more confusing, to be a parent of grown children than when they were small. I don’t know my role anymore…where I fit in. I don’t really feel like I fit in anywhere. That’s maybe the thing I need to figure out. I feel bad about going on and on about my problems. I’ve never talked so much about this stuff. Nobody in my life knows that I feel this way except my husband, and he doesn’t know everything. I don’t want to worry or burden him. He’s a great guy and deserves better!!!
Hey Hiker,
You would not be burdening your husband by talking to him, you may be worrying him by not. Men don't mind emotions as much as we think, it's more the fact of hiding emotions to boiling point that they hate.
Do you think maybe your eldest daughter isn't great at showing her emotions? The eldest in our family has always been a "go it alone" kind of girl, very defensive, kind of likes to keep at arms length...but at the same time you can see it in her that she would love to have someone close to her. Could this be the issue with your daughter?
Does she have any secretive behaviour that you worry about? Does she and her sister talk, at least for now you could find out how she "really" is through her.
Sometimes we shut out the people we really care about because we are ashamed of what we are doing or we don't think others will appreciate it. Have you explained to your daughter that there would be no "drama" involved, you just would like a catch up and a little chat, just a half hour over a pot of tea.
I hope you reconcile soon as this is obviously troubling you so. And do speak to your husband he will be there for you.
Much love to you
Moongal x