Hello everyone, something just clicked in me and I want to get better and will appreciate any help.
You know the scene where someone is trying to drown someone else and as soon as they stick their head up the water, they force it back in and then this goes along for a while until he's either dead or someone comes knocks the other guy up?
Well this has been my life and im in the part were someone either comes and knocks the guy drowing me or i either die and im kinda prefering the dying part cause ive had enough.
The environment around home family, friends, uni .. is all screwed up and non helping at all. I know i need help and i need to be hosipitalized but my parents refuse. Im 21, uni student, graduating next yr and i cant afford checking myself in.
I really want a normal, happy life ( doesnt have to be all the time), a life in which i have goals and dreams. I dont. All i can think abt is not necessary dying, just disappearing and not being here. Im sick and tired of all of this and deep inside i do want to get better.
So this time im up for suggestions, advices, ideas .. and will try to take them and not be negative about it.
@Pinkish your second paragraph just described relationships with my coworkers. Some were hired 3 years ago and they're egos are bigger than the team. You and I are a generation apart but see the world the same and how it affects us.
Some suggestions - and these are simple.
A. Give yourself me time during the week where you read, listen to music, spend time with your pet or even walk in the park.
B. You have a lot of control nearing graduation. Set up goals for the week, month and year. Include travel as a reward when you meet those goals. A change of scenery helps!
C. List 20 great things, events and people in your life. Those blessings are many. 2 year from now pull out that list and add 10 more items.
D. Pink your a very intelligent and caring person. I think you use SG well and please continue that. Perhaps your university has some counseling services which are low cost or free.
In the mean time my best to you and you have my friendship and support. On a social networking site, I saw a post that said "2016 - the year I made it awesome"
I'm so glad you're still trying Pink
Bills suggestions are great. I know it's hard, but if it was easy we'd all be ok. Just keep in the moment and remember , YOU ARE NOT ALONE :)
"... or someone comes knocks the other guy up ...", or he loses his grip and you manage to flail your way out of his reach :-) I understand what you're saying (I hope!) and encourage you to keep breathing and struggling to free yourself. Probably the best we can do to help is supply extra oxygen, but I think we will do that to the best of our ability. Best of luck!
Everyone gets tired eventually, even the one trying to drown you. I wish you a happy new year, and profoundly hope that things improve for you.
It sounds like you have enough challenges in your life! I believe having your attitude of honestly wanting to get better is the most important part of everything you said. Everyone is fighting their own battles... We need to have tunnel vision and focus on ourselves, become healthy. Once the ball starts rolling other aspects of our lives start making more sense. I am amazed how much my life has changed in the past month just by having that attitude that you have of wanting to get better. Its heart breaking that you cant afford to go to hospital... But what I can tell you is they believe that those of us with bpd should be hospitalized for a maximum of 1 week or less. Basically just to stabilize. With your great attitude, a little help here and a little luck maybe the hospital stay can be avoided... All they do is take away all stimulation and make you focus 100% on yourself!
I'm so glad you got that wake up call! It might be the sign things will really work out for you. I'm right here to support you; it's gonna be an exciting journey. For bad and good. Attitude is key
Smooth seas do not make an exceptional sailor...and normality is a paved road, comfortable to walk on, but no flowers grow there....glad you are seeking out. I know what it's like to have your eyes on graduating...I actually got kicked out of school the beginning of my senior year because I was seen as too suicidal and a disruption to their community. After a year in a half of just focusing on myself and plenty of hospitalizations I am finally able to return this semester...what I'm saying is, if you need to take time away, do it...mentally, physically, emotionally, just taking a small mental vacation helps
Ah ... another thought or two. If BPD is your Big Issue, there are a couple more online resources that might be of use to you:
Both seem to be groups, forums, or whatever concerned with Dialectical Behavioral Therapy, which (AFAIK) is the most commonly used approach to treating BPD.