Hi...i'm excited that i found this place. I'm 20. I've been struggling with an eating disorder since i was 12. I'm a trained ballet dancer and that was my dream for my life. when ballet company auditions came up i just lost it. I wasn't eating at all. I couldn't dance anymore...i smoked a pack a day and couldn't walk up stairs without my heart pounding. I ended up getting hospitalized for four months and got treatment the treatment i needed. it saved my life. I lost my dream though and it hurts still. I'm now back home and after two years of not dancing, i'm going for it again. I'll never be in a professional ballet company, but i can at least dance in college. Thats my goal...but things are getting really hard. I've stopped eating again and losing weight and i'm terrified that i'm going to screw things up again. Anyway...this is me spilling my guts. It's a long introduction...sorry. I really need some support right now.
hey rebeka! i see what u goin thru..
ive been there.. ballet seems to be like a big detonant for ur ED, somthing really similar happens to me, im studing languages, to be a teacher, but my granmaa was the main reason i end up there, still, i enjoy teaching and languages, but when i came to the point of doing the job, my anorexia kicked in, and everytime i want to take something seriously, it freaks me out bc i like teaching, but it seems like anorexia wants me to fail... is so weird, I yet not understand.. i just try not to see it like im the one who is screwing things up, Im sick. My illiness is serious and it is killin me, some way.. this is one.
I hope we can talk, would love to get to know u more. I feel really related to you. get back to me if u can. my mail is [email protected]
Rebekah,
Welcome to Support Groups! ♥
I danced ballet through high school, and I loved it! But I know what you mean... It's a very body-focused activity... And for those of us with eating disorders, it can be highly triggering. Think about what you really want... Is there some way you could enjoy life without your ED? Perhaps you could find another way to move your body that you enjoy? Something that isn't so body-focused? Yoga perhaps? :)
Also... Dreams change with time... It's true that sometimes we have to let some go. But that doesn't mean that all is lost... You have the power to dream infinitely! ♥ What ELSE do you want to do with your life? The possibilities are endless! :)
Much love to you,
Jen
Welcome! I can really relate to you- I'm 22 and I began to struggle with my eating disorder around age 13. Dancing was my passion until I had to quit in 9th grade because of my eating disorder. I still feel sad sometimes when I think about it. Hang in there and keep posting!
thanks you guys. I have tried to do other things to see if there could be something else i could get passionate about besides dancing i. I tried really hard. I did that for almost two years, but i felt this hole in my heart. I know i can do this and stay healthy. It's what i really want...i'm just going to have to stay healthy. I just need support and to keep my head on straight.
I'm so glad you're reaching out for support! You've got this--you can do it. Just keep your motivations in mind and you'll get there. I'm at school too right now, and I know it can be a very hard environment to recover in. Still, you've just got to hang in there and fight tooth and nail. We'll both get through this!
I am a recovered Bulimic/Anorexic. I am also in the arts, a classical singer. It got to a point where I realized you cannot have an ED and be a performer. Same goes for you. You can still be a dancer, but you cannot have an ED and be a dancer. Your body NEEDS nutrition in order to do it's job and let you dance. If you don't take care of it, and feed it properly you could injure yourself and your body will make the choice for you so you can't dance! The choice is more like, dance or ED.
Think of yourself as being on a teeter-totter. We are all just doing our best to stay balanced in the middle. Sometimes you will lean a little this way or that way, but now that you know what the middle is, you will always be able to find it in one way or another.
It will get easier...just takes some time.