Hi all! I am trying not to introduce myself by my disorders but that is how I feel right now. It's hard for me to talk to most people because they do not understand what I am going through. I suppose I will give you a bit of background first.
I am a 34 year old female. I had blood tests done less than a year ago and all turned out normal. I recently had a retest because of a slightly low thyroid though I've yet to get the results.
I've had panic attacks for the past 11 years since I was raped. I am sure that is what spurred the beginning though there must have been some underlying issues. I am on Zoloft, Neurontin, Aciphex, and Klonopin -- Recently the doc gave me Ativan for BAD BAD days.
I have a SEVERE CRAZY fear of doctors and hospitals. I had to go because I had the flu and had a heart rrate of 174. They had to give me a shot of Ativan to calm me down. I hate this. I hate feeling like I am crazy because just the thought of being sick or going to the doctor makes me feel so bad and makes me jump into instant panic.
I wash my hands rather constantly, everything has to be in specific orders, have IBS (Right now at the moment bad cramps, bloating, and scared it is something else bad) that is my health anxiety coming through. I get scared something is wrong that will make me have to go to a doctor.
My panic attacks are horrible. Usually, the worst are upon waking when I get one that wakes me up. Those are horrid. I get strange feelings of dissasociation and panic and want to RUN! My stomach is also acting up right now during my panic.
My mom (even though I'm 34 she worries) says to "BE STRONG" and "FIGHT IT". It's sadly not as easy at that. Even my husband has called me a big "Cry baby". I feel so alone in the world. I have 2 BS degrees and a Masters and yet I feel like I am losing it.
..... ANyone else have these feelings?