Hello. I found this group in hopes that I can find some answers to questions from people with the same issues I am facing. You see, I have been re-married to a narcissist for the last 15 years. I had been married to him for over 25 years. We have two children, he has a child from a previous marriage prior to our first marriage. I have the typical story of falling hard for a man that swept me off my feet, the first man that made me feel really special. When my in laws found out that we were getting married they stopped being nice to me and even went so far as to tell me mother that they did t want me to marry their son. I thought that we were in so much love that their negative feedback wouldn't faze us. The morning after our wedding my husband suddenly changed. I was confused but it was like he had conquered me and he didn't dally want me. There was no more concern for me, in fact, sometimes he would look at me with disgust, I thought that he was just under stress. We had planned a honeymoon and the entire time it was like I was with someone totally different. I was so confused that I became frustrated with him. I didn't try to talk to him about what was wrong, as we had done in the past, because I felt that we were just trying to adjust to each other. Years later I was told that I was a completely irrational. Our honeymoon revolved around a nude beach, that I didn't want to participate in, and him bringing a female over to meet me. She didn't have anything on and she was the only person he would like at. I was devastated! We soon had two wonderful children that I basically raised myself because during those years he changed jobs and was out until 7 every night with his girlfriends and I was expected to have dinner on the table and the kids in bed. Which I did because I was afraid of the wrath that would be taken out on me and I tried to keep a calm home for the kids. My husband never played with our kids, never spent any time with them. The only important thing to hi. Were his girlfriends. We also had friends that we socialized with and I believe that the only reason that we did was he was trying to keep up appearances. He has always had a girlfriend, sometimes my best friend and he couldnt figure out why I was upset, but I soon learned that he wasn't worried about that my. Being upset it was his way of handling things. He always controlled the way I looked, what I did or did t do, made it impossible for me to have a relationship with someone without him taking over and impossible to have a relationship with my family. His family never liked me, his sister didn't speak to me for several years, I think, because of jealousy. His mother has controlled all of her children and in doing so she was very hurtful to me. I left him after he became an alcoholic, couldn't make a living and was emotionally and physically a u Uzi e to me and my kids. My children begged me to leave him. I so,d my home that was soon going into foreclosure, and we lost our cars. I moved my children and I into a different place, his dad helped me with another car the had a car pay s t of over 600 a month. We struggled, I found a job, we were trying to adjust to a new home, me working, no dad and no stability. Within A few months my kids went and lived with him. He never had to pay child support, a car payment or rent because his parents paid for everything. After two years on my own and his constant harassment I remarried him. My son said he didn't want me to move in with him. It has been another rough road. Thank goodness my kids are older and out of the house. I started reading up on narcissism and realized that all of the struggles from past and present stem from his narcissistic ways and his whole family of narcissists. I am easy to do myself in. My son has taken his dad's side of things again, my daughter still supports me but neither understand whAt I am goi g through. I'm still getting the constant sex. Excuse he has no other way of communicating. I am being abused, we don't do anything and don't go anywhere. His family does t support me although is sister has become my friend and tried to make his family see what he is doing to me. Until the last 2 years I have had his sister as a good friend. I am allowed this friend ship because it his sister. Recently his mother ha gone to her and told her to be on her brothers side ad I have lost the only friend I have. I am lost, depressed and ready to end it all. I feel ,Ike everyone is against me, that no one loves me. I just came back from going back to my home town and staying with my brother and seeing my family. I have felt loved and feel they are behind me because the last time I left my husband he had them convinced that I was the problem and I had no support from the. Or anyone else. It's a lonely place to be. I have been home 2 days and already I am back to having low self esteem and living in the back bedroom. Does anyone out there have a si liar story and can relate? I need to find a way to keep my family and my kids on my side for their support.
I couldn't actually talk to my family and close friends about what has been going on the last 8 years. It was too emotional to sit down and discuss multiple times. So I wrote down the highlights about how things had progressed since we married and detailed the abuse. I let them read what I wrote and said I would answer any questions. That went very well and now they are helping me get a place to live. It was less emotional/stressful for me and I didn't have to constantly repeat my story that I didn't feel like reliving over and over.
I lived it. Just started the process of leaving him. I have 2daughters 6 & 9. I don't have family near, I depended on his family. They all sided with him. They are all helping him to take away my daughter's.
I am deathly scared that they will.
Hi I haven't been on this site since I posted this 2 years ago. I didn't know that I had anyone respond to what I had written. Im sorry that I didn't get to see these until now. Since then I have been to a divorce attorney and a therapist both have said that I need to leave asap. My problem? I don't know how my kids are going to handle yet another divorce. I suspect they are tired of everything and want their parents to grow up. They are in there 30's now. But Im so afraid I'm going to be alienated from them again. Im so afraid Im going to spend the rest of my life alone on welfare. Im 63 yrs. old and don't have a job to support myself. I can hear what you are thinking. These are excuses. They are, but valid fears. I do love my husband when he is nice because there are glimpses of goodness in all that evil. Our anniversary is tomorrow but I am not holding out hope because last night we had a big blow out and once again, we are getting divorced. We never grow together as a couple, every time that we move forward he stops the progress and we revert back to the basics. We never grow. We have spent the summer finally getting the house in shape and buying furniture that he has been promising me for a long time. He has since said that I am to return all furniture because we are getting divorced. We went on a two week vacation that went well so I thought maybe he is seeing that he needs to meet me half way but no. After I posted this last entry I went to him and told him that he was getting everything he wanted out of our relationship and I was getting nothing so until he comes to me and we have a conversation to find out what my concerns are there will be no sex, no house cleaning, and no dinner. Thinking that taking these away, especially the sex, he would come to me and ask what was wrong. I can say that in these two years we have had sex once while on vacation recently. I have buckled and fixed dinner and cleaned house. I have even attempted a conversation. My husband doesn't talk he yells and when I start to speak he just starts speaking over me and he never hears what I have to say. Doesn't want to know. So nothing gets resolved. We are at a stalemate now and we have said some very hurtful things to each other. I have been trying to get him to stun him enough to listen. He comes from a family of flying monkeys and they all use the "we are getting divorced" bit. I found out that my sister in law that has been my best friend has also been helping him try to get into my computer and all of my personal things. Im not doing anything that would warrant this but my husband feels that there are no boundaries that what is mine is his and what is his is his. He is drinking again but he now has added pain medication to the mix. I also take pain meds and I have to lock them up because he steals them. I count them because I thought I was going crazy. I think I am. What would you do? Give him his anniversary card with a note inside or nothing?