Hello, I joined this group today because my jealousy is getting in the way of feeling great about myself. I feel insecure often about my relationship with my boyfriend and he is getting tired of dealing with it. I feel jealous that he finds the attention of other women as nice. He is commonly viewed as drop dead gorgeous by women in the masses honestly. Going out in public, women just bulldoze past me to my obvious partner and I find it to be disrespectful but then to hear how much validation it provides him makes me feel jealous that I don't do that for him.
How does he respond to the attention?
Hello CKBlossom! When we are together he just smiles or ignores it. Honestly he does nothing inappropriate and a complete gentleman about it. However, the frequency of these women doing it is guaranteed everyday and when we go out. As you know I am dealing with some body conditions and struggle to feel worth being with at times. I feel afraid if he leaves me then I may not find a partner who can accept the viruses I have. So with these conflicting and distressing emotions its a challenge facing the amount of attention he gets. Sometimes he likes to tell me about the women he encounters flirting with him. He takes great pride in being faithful to me but the frequency of which he brings it up is not healthy for me. I have asked him to stop but he gets upset because he wants to be able to tell me everything and that is so sweet. He is truly a wonderful man but my jealousy of these women is hard to deal with. I have been practicing challenging the thoughts. I think what it really is, is that I don't receive this same kind of attention nor do I feel I have the kind of options he has. I am a nerdy girl and like being goofy while he is a Don Juan, haha. When we first met I for sure thought he will not be into me because the physical attractiveness is not equal but turns out he wants something real<3 Every woman's dream and that is why I am trying so hard to nip this issue in the bud because I don't want to lose the man I love.
Hi Nyssa, glad you are here to share in the support and encouragement. I'm sorry this is feeling like an "uneven" relationship. I think it is proactive on your part that you are challenging the negative and self-defeating thoughts. That can certainly help you to eliminate them from being a regular part of your thought pattern. You mention that you recognize that your boyfriend is validated by all the attention so I guess I would ask what is he doing to be proactive about not needing that kind of validation from other women? An issue in a relationship won't necessarily change unless both parties are working toward the solution. So if you are doing your part, do you feel like he is doing his?
It should be a compliment to you that you are with someone who his attractive to other but he chose you. I can say many things but just be happy and appreciate what you have and hopefully you will take care of each other.
@kvolm2016 One time when we were going to the grocery store he noticed how often he was paying attention to the female attention and mentioned to me that he had been working on not taking any notice as he has the woman he wants in his life. I didn't even ask him to do this, it was something he decided on his own accord and that is part of why I love him so much <3 We work separately but its for our relationship and togetherness, we do try to be the best for each other.
@wifebetrayed99 He says that to me, "it should be a compliment to me". Maybe to a girl without a distorted self-concept. I am working on that too but really agree with you to be happy and appreciate it. Sometimes I slip and that is where the problem area is for me so I think challenging what I am believing about the situation when it happens will be beneficial. I hope it will decrease the frequency so I can feel confident with the man I love. He may be handsome but he is deep thinking and creative and adventurous and a little subversive which matches my energy very well :)
Thank you all for your support it feels good to get some feedback as I truly have been going at this on my own and feel its time to gain a different perspective.
@Nyssa glad to hear you are confident in his intentions and commitment to you. So then as you said, it is up to you to get past the jealousy. And if you are working specifically on that through counseling or other self improvement resources then you should see that resolved!