Hello. i know that reassurance is only temporary and best not to look for, but it is also true that helping us understand what we are going through can at least gives us some more weapons to fight OCD with. I was thinking about the nature of the thoughts that assault us. Mos of the time is "oh no i think i MIGHT be gay and not aware of it yet" "oh no i think y MAY enjoy sex with a man and that scares me" "I fear that i WILL meet a same sex person and fall in love and leave my current boyfriend/girlfriend!"
These and many other fears obsess us and keep us from living a healthy life.
But, it is important to note that they are very different in nature from thinking: "Oh no, i AM gay, but i hate it!" or "Oh no, i feel more attracted by men and women never interested me, but perhaps if I try hard enough, perhaps i'll lie girls", or "I am gay, why me, i don't want this". Both are unhappy, but for different reasons. The later are unhappy because they are gay and they don't want to accept it. The first group however, fears only "what ifs" questions. We fear the possibility that we MAY be gay. We fear that we are in denial. That's absurd. A gay in denial will deny his homosexuality, thats the very nature of DENIAL. He will tell himself "no man, your'e straight, yes you dream all the time about men and you have had many crushes on men and never on women, but it's just because i haven't put an effort to it".
We are not deniers. We have an obsession disorder.
Yup its the "what" ifs that are killing me. Ive never seen men in a sexual way. But i guess ill have to live with the doubt.