Hello! I need some help. This is related to my childhood friends. We often use the word best friends. But in reality I don't feel we are. We are around at mid 20s, three girlfriends. The other lives in close proximity since we were about 11 or 12. All those years at diferrnet situation I used highlight some things to them. A. Due to my restricted family and personal constraints I would not be available or afford to go here n there all the time. However, till I reached 20.. I would make sure to go above and beyond and to always show up whenever they'd ask. The issue became after we were into mid college years and all of us went to diferrmt states. But they both managed to stay in each other's life like sisters. I always felt left out last one to know everything and would cry a lot asking to myself what was not enough for them that they could never see me. B. As years passed I stopped highlighting anything and woukd come back to home crying cause of their fun remarks on how I would never be available to them or how my family constraints would sound made up to them. I felt shut and I stopped feeling safe to share things with them sometime around when I was about 18 and it piled up on me and I felt alone and spent days crying how I never felt I had friends and would started feeling anger whenever they would call me their best friend. C. From past couple of years I accepted that we grew apart and I do not rely on them or count on them and I am okay with it. I even explained it to them, but as usual they brushed it off saying I'm delusional. So I am living with the acceptance. However, recently one of them is getting married and I can not afford to go her Bachelorette. I had explained her the reason she had said she would consider but didn't do what she promised on her end. And now again even at the age of 25 I am the 2 second laughing stock of "she can't come again"
It is sad they don't understand and after all this time if you are in tears and don't find joy in them, like Marie Kondo says and I am paraphrasing, if it doesn't bring you joy, its time to get rid of it. Friendships don't have to last forever and these friendships feel like they have more than run their course.
Took up on those words to see for myself …how acceptance does wonders, and then the relations who had run out of their time doesnt hurt anymore.