Hello. I'm a 38 yr old male. I have just recently started de

Hello. I'm a 38 yr old male. I have just recently started dealing with my sexuality. There are times that I am ok. But there are also times like now. I am so depressed about the whole thing. I keep thinking about the things that I can't have anymore. I know that it really won't have happened and if it did, it wouldn't last like all my other attempts at being straight and "normal" like I perceived. I keep second guessing myself. The doubts and self abuse never seem to stop. I'm surrounded by people who either aren't supportive or who are homophobic. The people that I can talk to, I can only get a hold of on a hit or miss basis. I feel like I'm isolated from the rest of the world. The few people that I do talk to either have major problems in their lives, so I don't want to dump my problems on them. And I'm not comfortable enough with myself to talk to a total stranger. I seem to be on a deserted island with not even a wilson to talk to. The depression seems to be crushing me. I need help.

take some counseilling,you need to discuss this with an expert,your doubts fears about it

I have a therapist. But she's out, because she just had a knee replacement last week.

then a sg is fine till she comes

Don't really have a choice. It's this or turn internally, and start in with some serious self abuse.

I am in a similar situation as you are the lack of in person support and friends who already have too much of their own to deal with. I need someone in person to talk to that I feel safe with sharing with. No one is there. However, I refuse to give up or go back into a place that I may not belong in. So I keep looking and searching. I found a local chapter of PFLAG in my area. They only meet once a month, but I intend to go and see if there is any social connections I can make that will help. You are not alone. There are many of us who feel the same as you. Please don't give up or give into things.