Hello, I'm new here. Looking for support/advice or just anyone who will listen and understand what all I'm going through and dealing with in my life...
So this past Friday morning, I had received DM from this sweet and kind woman, cause the day before I was scrolling through twitter feed and saw a picture of this lady and I looked through her page and decided to hit the follow button and so the next day (Friday Morning) she sent me a direct msg, and of course my initial thought that she was just some one trying to get me to pay for pictures an such. But her msg was very normal, like she would be interested in just chatting with me, so because of that I decided to be friendly and respond. So we talked and talked off and on through out the day...
She seems really sweet, kind and all that great stuff! And she seems to be into me as well, she also claims to live in TN (tha'ts where I currently live) and if its true then she is only about 45 minutes away at the most I think.
Any way Saturday her and I are talking, we're talking about general things getting to know each other more and we are telling each other what we are both doing at that moment and earlier she was telling me that she was bored, so I wanted to help her with that and talk with her to not only get to know each other more but to help her feel less bored, so I'm asking her if she likes to play video games and various things like that, she responds with yes and tells me a couple of games she played... So cool Im thinking we are hitting it off but then she asks me to purchase a video game for her because she can't afford it and cause she's bored. And thats a red flag to me cause we just started talking the day before and so I tell her and explain that no I wont buy her a game and that I can't afford to anyway...
So she responds with "that's ok I understand".
but surprisingly she is still talking to me. I would think that if she is catfishing me for money than when she found out that Im broke that she would just up and ghost me but as of right now she hasn't ghosted me yet butttt unfortunately that doesn't mean she is being honest and genuine with me... This post is really Long and if you read this far then I want to thank you for taking the time out of your day to read this and if you have insight or questions please ask cause I need help...
Thanks
Welcome, Red River! Good that you are reaching out here for support. As to your situation…..red flags as you already noticed! You first talked on Friday and on Saturday she’s asking you to buy her something?!?!?!? Major red flag. She barely knows you and is asking you to buy her something. Great that you didn’t buy her anything I think it’s out of line for her to ask anyone to buy her something; like I just don’t ask for gifts myself do it doesn’t seem right to me if someone does ask for gifts. Especially when u don’t even know each other. Even though she “understands” she sounds like she’s looking for $$$$$. Be very careful and don’t give any kind of personal info to her (like where your work, bank, if u have family or see alone, etc etc).
You can meet really nice people in church (Altho sometimes there are bad apples there too); you can’t take a class to learn something new (tennis? Golf, cooking?). You can volunteer with animal rescue, politics, homeless people et and meet nice volunteers. Etc
You don’t have to tell this lady you are dumping her…just let the communications end on it’s on. IMHO
Your thoughts
@NCMom
Thank you for taking the time to respond.
You are right, its a major red flag and so I am taking measures to protect myself from emotional hurt and money stuff.
and By protecting myself I mean that I’m not giving her money or any of my personal information and such.
So earlier today I decided to ask her to send me a picture of her holding up piece of paper with my Name written on it just so I know if the few pictures that we exchanged prior to that is actually her… Of course i’m aware that she actually sent me a real picture of herself and yet still be catfishing me. and So my thinking is that if I ask her to write my name on paper and take a picture of herself holding it up next to her face then at the very least can verify that it is her who ive been speaking to. but as I stated previously that doesn’t mean Im still not being conned. She said that the network that she is on (Cell Service) is not the best and that it drops in and out. So earlier this afternoon I asked her if she would mind Writing my name on Paper and snapping a quick pic of her holding it up. But she hasn’t responded to it… So I just msg her asking her to answer me. Now I will wait to see what she says…
Again Thank you sooo very much for reading this and for giving me your input, I greatly appreciate alot!!!
I should also explain that I am an emotional person meaning that I basically wear my heart on my sleeve and also I deal with depression among many other issues. So I feel like Im on this rollercoaster of emotions since first talking to her. because I know full well that its a good probability that she is just playing with me for what ever she can get out of me and i also have this hope that she is being 100% genuine with me and I keep going over and over and over everything that her and I talk about and said thus far. Im trying to not get attached and keep my emotions under control but its really difficult couple that with my everyday problems and you can probably imagine the state my head is, all swirled up and wishing this is true and being in a good healthy loving relationship... So that is why I came here.
@RedRiver88. Wow also the fact she won’t take a picture; can’t take a picture of herself speaks volumes. The fact she hasn’t responded is another red flag
I’m pretty sure the real “her” doesn’t match her picture; she could be a “he” for that matter.
I get it you have feelings and are vulnerable Meeting thru church or friends means the prospect is likely who they say they are…
We are here for you. You can move on to someone else. God closes one door in order to open another Hugs
Like NCMom said, asking you to buy her a video game the second day you met IS a red flag. You don't know each other and already she's asking you for stuff just to ward off her boredom? There's your answer right there. She's just whiling her time away & seeing what she can get out of you while at it. She's a Taker and people like that can sniff out people pleasers like a predator sniffs out prey. She already knows you might be open to it coz she tossed you a problem (her boredom) and you instantly started trying to make her feel better even though it's really not your responsibility to entertain a stranger. & your instincts already told you that you spotted a red flag so if you're looking for reinforcement, this is it! Trust your gut. Keep yourself safe and take care. Sending you love and light.
Ok so I waited to see if she would respond to me asking her to take picture of herself holding up a piece of paper with my name written on it, but she just ignored it and said that she was driving home from work and said after she eats we will talk, so I said ok. but she didn't msg me that night and I hardly spoke to this person the next day (this is yesterday, Wednesday) as I wasn't feeling well with my neck and jaw hurting the entire day. and so this morning I decided to do a quick google search of 'her' and it didn't take me long to discover that the woman in the pictures she sent me wasn't her, The name this person gave me was Linda Givens but that's not true, the woman in the pictures real name is Elle (I wont give her last name).. So yeah at the time I knew deep down she was probably lying to me an all but I was hoping that this person was real.
Now I just feel like a idiot for giving myself hope.
I am sorry that you feel down about the situation but I am happy that you listened to your instincts and push forward on seeking the truth. It is better to learn of the lies quickly I believe. Many people want it to be true so much that they get taken for a long painful ride. I wish you well on moving forward.