I'm new to the support group but not to BPD. I was diagnosed about 4 years ago. At the age of 19, I have been hospitalized countless times, and I've been of just about every medication they'd prescribe for this disorder. I have been through the ups and downs of the mental health world, being falsely diagnosed with many different things. I feel that they got it right with BPD. This disorder describes me to a T. I have never understood my issues or reactions and have been described as shy, moody, overly sensitive, impulsive and even crazy by most people who know me. Its not a pleasant feeling. I hate crying at the drop of a hat, or experiencing extreme rage at someone who cuts me in line at the grocery store. Its like you have no control over your body. And the worst is when people say "just get over it". Do you think I want to be this way?!
Any way, I spent a long time riding on the roller coaster from hell of dealing with therapists and such, and today I am drug free(prescription and recreational), haven't been hospitalized since fall 2008, and am therapist free as well. I have not been having affairs or lying to my boyfriend of 6 months. And I have graduated high school and completed one college class with an A-. I have been with out my parents since 2008, and have had my own apartment since winter 2009. I have been thriving at my full time job for almost 14 months, and I have become a proud owner of a beautiful cat. However, everything is not perfect.
In the past few months, I have been sliding downhill. I feel like my growth has plateaued. I have been barely staying above water and the pressure is building. I have been having panic attacks more often, about one every week and a half, and the mood swings are much more intense. I have been more indecisive and stressed out. Its a big problem because if something happens and I'm at work, being fired will leave me without money to pay the rent and I will be homeless. My father is unsupportive and distant an my mother has no room for me and lives over 2 hours away. There is a lot at stake.
I hope that talking about my feelings with others experiencing BPD will help me cope with my own issues and not feel so alone in the world. There are no in person support groups in my area, and going to a therapist is both expensive and seems semi-hopelss. It left me nowhere in the past. I appreciate you reading this. I hope to gain a lot from this site and my future relationship with all of you. Thank you.
Welcome to SupportGroups.com, thank you for sharing your story since you have experience on the subject would be wonderful for you to assist/guide/offer advice to others experiencing this disorder & it may help you feel better too so keep talking/sharing/venting as there are others here that can relate.
No, I haven't taken any classes. I've mostly done text book reading and focused on little aspects to get over. It was very experimental but now I'm looking into more clinical ways for dealing with it. I heard briefly about this kind of therapy but haven't explored it too much. Is it something to look into?
I am also new to this site and although I haven't been clinically diagnosed with the disorder, in the few sessions I had with my therapist, the idea was introduced and I am now 100% sure this is my problem. I have never had a sustained relationship with another person, friend or lover, that didn't eventually end because of my insecurities. anxiety and paranoia. I am constantly looking for something to fill a void that is missing in my life but I have no clue what I need to do that. My mind races all day and into the night so I rarely sleep and when I do it's usually tossing and turning and filled with nightmares of being betrayed, abandoned or hurt in some other way. I can't stop thinking. I go from being in a great mood, happy and full of energy, to being in a deep depression where everything seems to be wrong in my life, in a matter of moments. My emotions control my life and sometimes it seems like I feel everything magnified as if it is ten times more than it really is. I need answers. I need help and I hope that this can be the first step to getting that help. I've found a support group that meets in my area(Las Vegas) if anyone knows of another I would love to hear about it. It makes me feel better already to see that I'm not the only one with this problem and I hope that through sharing experiences and thoughts that we all can help each other.