Hello my name is joseph and I really just need someone to talk to. Ok so I'm 14 almost 15 years old and I go to a black and Hispanic school l, it seems like everyone there is a homophobe and I hate it there I barely have any friends and I'm lonely. There is this guy I really really like his name is Santos he is the only reason i can put up with my school. he is tall extremely funny and overall fun to be around its ridiculous how much I think about him I just like him so much but I don't understand him, I think he is strait but almost every day he flirts alot with me sexually like he will come behind me and hug me and say "i want to f*** you so hard" honestly it really turns me on and sorry if that statement is a little weird but he does these types of things to me when HE KNOWS I'm gay but then he will kind of cut me off and start talking to his friends this drives me crazy i want him so bad but I'm afraid he doesn't want me nearly as much as i want him im afraid the moment i flirt back he will pull the im strait card and im afraid even if he did have feelings for me they would only be sexual feelings not emotional feelings. im a virgin i haven't done anything with anybody i haven't even had my first kiss but honestly i would let him take my virginity and that is really bad but its true I've tried to forget about him I've tried to tell myself he's never going to be gay but i just have feelings soo deep for him its insane. any advise you can give me would be great sorry for typing so much
Joseph, it sounds like he is flirting, but at this age, you are right to be cautious, personally I would wait, first because you are so young and secondly, because he is your only friend and ally. In your area are there any LGBTQ youth events you might go to? Does your family know you are Gay, are they supportive?