Hello to everyone who is new and the remaining members who r

Hello to everyone who is new and the remaining members who remember me. I check in every once in a while and I noticed a lot of new posts of horrific magnitude of the emotional upheaval. T kind of which binds us who are suffering together. Pay it forward - this site helped me so much with advice and just reading other's posts when I was going through my hell. I just wanted to say - hang in there! There is LIGHT. I equate my divorce situation to someone breaking a snow globe of my family and life as I knew it and leaving me alone to pick up the pieces and help those around me who were hit with shards of the glass who needed my help and with questions that I could not ANSWER. I had a hand in the demise of my 25 year marriage by asking for changes which I thought would be easy for us to make and sadly, they weren't. I knew divorce could happen but underestimated what it would do to me. We attempted a few months of marriage counseling - but that was not advantageous to our cause and he asked me for a divorce (but told the counselor I asked him for one....Oh the stories that I have - he did admit to her later it was he who ask but seriously, did it really matter?). I lost my entire life's self worth as a wife, mother, partner, friend, daughter, domestic goddess, my home, financial security, health care security and my (piddly but proud) 20 year career in less than a year. Poof. I managed ok at first...then the hits kept coming - my job, my daughters' struggles with the ending of life as they knew it (even though they are adults - one married, one engaged - doesn't MATTER what ages, it was HARD and still is as they navigate my former's husband new love interest who is around their ages) my mother's depression/anxiety struggles (have been there my entire life - but I had to take her to be committed at her request during my struggles), my brother's legal struggles (have always been there)...ALAS..I lost it. I couldn't get out of bed, tried to find a therapist (tried 3) - walked in to counseling agencies, my medical doctor, my gyno for perhaps, hormonal deficiency? menopause?, prescription anti-depressants, googled and contemplated suicide, thinking my only friend - the dog- should have a better family..tried to find him one.....all the thoughts you can imagine. There was no magic. It was an anti-depressant that helped, then getting back into the life I was in now, realizing the past life was over, not thinking that my ex would magically make it better if only he came back (which I thought for months would help me). I even ask him to try again (as I stared at all the pictures of him and his new girlfriend around his place all cuddling up together) to which he slammed me down harder with a nice put down which was par for the course as was our entire marriage but Duh on me. Not him. I have a new job (which they rode some of this roller coaster with me!!!! - I will forever be indebted and loyal to all those there) - most of the same friends, with some new ones. I have my dog. I have my daughters. My mother is still in the same boat. My brother is in the same boat. I have weeded out some folks and others are kept at a distance who I had to find out are not good people, for me at least. I was with the same boss for approximately 30 years - I was loyal, he was not by ending my career when I needed it most - Also - that move had me lose about 3 folks who were lifetime, almost daily interaction people. The former husband? We are all living in the same area. He now took a position at a place I frequent for my new job which he knew about. No anxiety when I think about it. I try to advise my daughters to give his new girlfriend a chance so they get to be with their Dad. I tried going out to bars - not a drinker (no reason except I am not good at it) and got hit on way too much for comfort even though I can handle myself. I was now alone - not paranoid just know that I can't put myself in positions of which I shouldn't be in. I went out on my many dates via on line dating. OMG - the stories which weren't funny then but are now. However, I am dating a new guy who I met via my new neighbors in August of 2019. We had gone to high school together. We have fun. He has told me he loved me. I do love him. I got a decent settlement in my divorce. Aside from losing health coverage and an extra 15 lbs. from the anti-depressant, I won't starve, I genuinely laugh and help those I can help. I am healing every day - still bad days, still think of the ex - good and bad times. Finding myself is tough at 50. I have no idea what I like and don't like but I am trying to look forward to finding out before I need my hip replaced as this extra poundage won't GO AWAY. :) Have a Merry Christmas everyone.

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P.S. - (Because the original post wasn't already long enough). Husband was diagnosed at individual counseling and then mutual counseling as Narcissistic. I was diagnosed with ADHD and Co-dependency. I am neither of those but will take blame if it's true. He is his diagnosis.

I wish someone would diagnose my ex as narcissistic because I know that's the truth. Such a journey her you ave taken in only a few words. I experienced so many of the same things. The suicidal thoughts, what's happening with the kids, getting rid of the dog, so many similarities. Tried dating but just wasn't ready, financial hardships, the cons of divorce- just not worth it for ALL involved. If our spouses only had the same insight we do. Such a shame. But, life goes on, and here we are in a place to help others and let them know that although it feels like death it doesn't last forever. Good days are ahead.

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@eddie1975 I understand from where you’re coming…but truly, the diagnosis did not help our situation, me or keeping my family intact. Also, the therapist cured/graduated him in a few months… cough.