Hello... when you love someone you give them the ability to devastate your heart but trust that they won't. what do do when the blind trust you had allows the person you love to completely destroy you. I am always so sad. he is trying to make it right but I am finding it so hard to let go. I have prayed so long and hard. My answer to my prayer came. I was told to grieve my ignorance to love the person he has become. to seek no more answers because no matter if I ask one or many my answer will always be the same. I was told that now I know the face of my enemy to always be vigilant and to look for the signs that my enemy is evil and a destroyer. I am trying to follow the path but I am feeling so betrayed I don't know from day to day what my mood will be. I am scared that my outlook will be the deciding factor in us remaining together. I do not want to destroy my marriage any further and need to resolve this in my heart. Who is the
I can understand how the betrayal can really take a toll on our emotional health...know you're not alone...we are here for you!
Your situation is mirroring mine derhonda. I read your words and they could have been written by me. In fact I wondered in my confusion if I had posted this myself.
I pray also. Daily. With every breath. Asking, beseeching ,questioning ..what do I do? Why am I not getting over it? He calls me toxic because I am still sad still suspicious still fearful . He says I am stomping on His heart. His betrayal is now mainly my fault. I waver between wanting to hit him to then hitting myself. I was doing that when I got so upset. Yes I know. .why..because hitting myself was a relief. Maybe he could See my pain. He said I was doing it to say he hit me. That was about as far from the truth. I was begging him to stay not leave.
This is so hard so humiliating. I swore I'd never let myself get into a situation where I would sacrifice sense for love.
What's wrong with me? Why can I also not recognize that it is ok to be hurt and sad and confused. That I am worth it. That this marriage is 2 people fixing it not n one and that he should comfort and connect ...
Both you and I know derhonda that it's like a madness like a brain fever. You can't just snap your fingers and recover and it takes time and love and compassion and understanding on both parts.
I pray you find peace and answers quickly. I pray that soon you will find your life settling down.
I pray you feel loved always.
Pixie73 we r a mirror! Strange how I thought I was the only person to have "brain fever" but just in the couple days of being on this site I know I am not alone. In the beginning when I looked in the mirrow at myself the emotions would b so strong the scream started in my stomach and was so loud I hated him and myself so much that I would slap myself over and over. The pain was a release to the pain inside. I don't do it anymore but I know where u r coming from. Why r we the ones to feel humiliation and embarrassment? We did nothing wrg. I even slumped so low as to invite the OW to my hs. I got tired of being told it was nothing there was no affair. He had hurt her too and she was happy to come and confront him. The look on his face was priceless wn I opened the door and there she stood. I don't recommend u doing this but it was needed for me to do. He was talking to 2 others as well I called them. They were happy to tell all. He had been telling women he was not in a relationship they also hurt by his lies. It seemed for months every time i caught him he would promise to chg only to move on to another. I would find out and contact her. He wonders how I got my info and I will never tell just in case my spider senses ever start to tingle again. I WILL FOREVER BE VIGILENT AND WATCH. He really has made a chg for the better and is wking hard to win my trust but it's so hard. The pain is so deep. To find out the Man U love and says he loves u too would deny u is for me the hardest part to all this even out weighs the sex he had with them. I feel so broken...
Im glad you liked my post. The truth is this life is a gamble when it comes to relationships, sometimes they work and sometimes they dont, i havent been in that many but i have always stuck to my thoughts on this well we all have our own rules as such the guide lines how we preseve and accept when you love someone you can be swept off but them guide lines stay the same but its not just a set of the right or wrongs of trust that make the dicision hard they can help make a dicision from the positive and negitive depending on the gravity of the betrayal but one factor that cant be messure or accounted for and thats your heart, if it doesent feel right then there is something wrong if you believe in someone even if they have wronged you in some way you still have heart and take it all, but if you dout or cant shack the sadness then you need to take a deep breath and make a list of everything on your mind to do with the situation or not lay it out and remmber that is all you, this will help you also sit down with your partner and disscuss your dout or feelings you have and if you cant come to some sort of relisation to make you feel complete again then you need to thing about whats best for you. however after reading your second message, he sounds like he has hurt many im sorry and when you spoke of yourself i nthe mirror i know that all to well, the thing about this embarressment to feel humiliation the disbeliff in someone, its when you feel used, you can feel dirty and out of place, ashamed and all the while you didnt do anything to deserve that, he is the one that should feel them feelings, its okay for you to feel hurt. dont feel humiliated dont push yourself down you could never be pushed to his level, you are strong and capible you wouldent be on this site if your werent, you got fire, you should hold o nthe the good memorys and everything else isent important he loved you not i nthe right way but he still made or gave you some happyness before all of this right, take that and walk away, it will be hard we have to protect ourselves by letting things go, ofcourse law and order and that stuff will come to him but you to be embarressed by his shame dont be he did the dishonourable thing, and you know what he made a big mistake beacuse thats his loss. i hope this helped just my thoughts. you should pamper yourself, lots of pampering :)
Star fire TY for ur words of encouragement I'm having a really hard time right now. I don't know where it comes from. I can't sleep. I thought I'd go lay beside H for awhile but the most awful thoughts flashed thru my mind. His leg touched mine and I wanted so badly to hit him. I had to get up and away I love him this is not the norm just once in awhile. I will feel better when it's daylight in an hr
Hope u have a great day