I am a sex addict. When I was a child, I was sexually abused by a man who lived in my neighborhood. I also had a few encounters with some of my friends who were my age (or close to) and I found myself enjoying these encounters and I was constantly looking for other males to have sexual contact with. As I think about it, I made new friends not out of the desire to HAVE friends, but out of a need to have sex. As I got older, the need for sex intensified and I became an abuser who was sent to prison. When Igot out,I became involved intherapy and have been in therapy ever since and although I am no longer an abuser, I am finding myself spending time by myself, looking at adult pornography whenever my wife is not home and masturbating to what I see. This bothers me because I love my wife and now that my life is different than what it used to be, I am afraid that if I don't get a handle on this sex addiction, it will lead me back on a path of destructive behavior and ruin all the changes I've made in my life so far. I need help to deal with these problems. My wife knows I have a problem with it, but she does not know how bad it is and when I told her, she told me it is "willpower"...I guess my "willpower" is not as strong as hers. I love her very much and I also love all of my kids and I dont want to lose them over my addiction.
Hi CokeZero400, thank you for being here with us and for sharing. Has your therapist given you any helpful tools/tips in order to divert yourself from behavior such as online porn? For me, a helpful exercise in order to replace any negative behavior is to practice controlling my thoughts. For example, you are on a bright beautiful path (positive thoughts) and then suddenly veer off onto a dark and dreary road (negative thoughts), immediately make a u-turn and get back onto that bright beautiful path (positive thoughts). I practice this anytime I have a negative thought and it really works. I immediately replace that thought with a good positive one(s). As well, is there something else that you can work on in order not to look at the online porn (replacing the behavior with a positive one, such as a hobby). And, if every time you get that urge, remember all the negativity it has brought into your life and how you are on such a good path and want to continue on it. Please know that you are not alone, we are here for you.