Help, i need suggestion

i come here embarrassed, but in need of some help. I have been abuse sexually, mentally, and verbally for more than 20 years. I have kept all of this inside and not one soul knows the extent of it all. I have left the situation and have a boyfriend that is a wonderful loving man. He would not raise a hand if i begged him, and lately i have driven him pretty far. Ok, so here's the deal, I have a little girl and this wonderful man. I don't know how to treat them. My daughter is the most beautiful thing. What is happening is i have set myself free of the abuse that has happen to me, but i am carry it on both verbally, emotionally and physically to her and the boyfriend. I want to break this cycle. I made a theropy appointment, they called and canceled it because they double booked, after i let them know it was urgent that i get in right away and now i can't get in for more than three weeks. I need to get a grip on this fast because it is very damaging to all of us. I am going to end up alone and miss the best things that i have had in my life.

Ih disturbed, Welcome to support groups, I'm Monica.

I would like to say first I am sorry for what you have been through. I have been through the same thing and I hide it from my family for over 10 years. I was embarrassed as well to tell anyone. I am happy you got out.

I'm so glad you are going to go to therapy. It really is important that you do break the cycle. They dont deserve that but I do think you have made the first step. That is wonderful.

You also did a good thing by coming here. We will support you in anyway we can. Ifyou every want to talk I am here for you and so are many other people here


Minica5 thank you for your quick response. May i ask how you are now? Have you faced the demons and are you in healthy spirit. With all that i have been thru i have very low self esteem and this doesn't make me feel any better. I know there needs to be change, i just don't know how to begin. HOw do i begin to feel good about who i am, and letting those dear ones know that i really love them without the control? I guess i have not had a voice for so long i am using the voice and power to a very unhealthy level. In fact, today i thought and said out loud the each of them would be better without me, but i would not be better without them. I say i love you but the actions i go forth with tell them different. My parents have shut me out because i left the situation, they never saw what was going on in the home, and if i lose both my daughter and my boyfriend i will truly have nothing. I don't want any other guy, and my daughter is getting older ans will hate me.

Just hold on to see the therapist if your feeling that way.
You need some tools after going through that hell.
you deserve to be happy.

HI Disturbed, I am so sorry for what you've been through and I am so glad you recognize that you being abusive is not ok. THAT tells us alot about who you are and means you are able to take a very real, fair and honest look at your own behavior! Congrats on that!!!!

I am frustrated always with the delay in help when seeking therapy!! I often wonder how many people just never get help because it will take 6 weeks to get in etc.... !!!! REALLY????? It's ridiculous!

I don't mean to ask too private of questions but I wanted to let you know that we have very good therapists/councelors here on this site. Unfortunaely they don't take insurance yet, but some are very reasonable. So I don't know what your financial situation but if you can afford too, you would be able to get therapy right away. I have met a couple of the councelors here and they are wonderful, absolutely wonderful!

I am glad you recognize you're being abusive as that's certainly the only way to make a change!!! Keep talking and we will be here for you! :0) We are glad you found this site!! Welcome to Support Groups!!! We look forward to getting to know you!!

Sendign welcoming hugs, Suzee

Disturbed, hang on to the love you have surrounding you. Your situation sounds similar to mine: I met a wonderful man, who treats me with more respect than I've ever experienced, and my life seemed to turn completely upside down after we were married. What I learned - at least for me - was that my brain decided that I was now "safe" and it could start releasing all the fears and memories that I had managed to keep at bay for many, many years. Perhaps that is what is happening to you. I can't say for sure, but maybe it's possible. I hope so; I hope you are safe now, and surrounded by people who will help you. Please keep coming back here until you are able to see a local counselor. I've come to learn that there are a lot of people here for you. We'll all get through this together!

the wonderful man i am talking about had to take a business trip. I sent him off at the airport this morning and it was not a pretty site because my fears took over. So now he is half way across the US and will not talk to me, text me or anything. This is not what i need. I want his support to hang with me until i can get the help, but currenly he wants to run. actually if i lose him i have lost one of the best blessings in my life. He is gone for a week. Would you recommend that i not send him any text, calls or emails in hopes he will reflect and find it in his heart to give me the oportunity to prove that my world can and will get better? I of course can not make anyone do anything they don't want to, but this man i want to grow older with. I actually feel like dieing right now. My daughter has her father, my BF is telling me life wld be better without me, my own parents don't love me, i have no friends. I have very little money and if i go for any assistance my daughters father will have to pay child support and we agreed that we would not put the burden on one another since we share custody. She is with her father one week and with me the next. i AM a good person, just bad things have happen to me and I am carrying that with me. What do I do?