Help me please

I am so scared... I just can't take much more. I feel lost and totally entrenched in this God forsaken eating disorder. EVERYONE...even the professionals tell me that Im nearing death, but I just can't quit. Ive lost my zest for life, and right now can't even imagine what it would be like...or what it would take to get that back! Well...I just wanted to post this, because I don't have anyone to talk to. Ive isolated myself, just ED and me.

Hi Pyxye,
I was just floating around the internet and I found this site. I am an alcoholic and am also having a really hard time today. I know our disorders are not the same but here me out please.
I am of the the mindset that we with disorders no matter what that might be weather it is alcohol,drugs,eating,not eating,anger,whatever...or not being able too spell very well( bear with me a little bit)LOL.We all have one thing in common.WE ALL HURT INSIDE. We dont know what it is and we dont know why we do what we do.Most of us let this disorder consume us no matter what the consenquences are.Just like Ialmost did earlier today. I wanted a drink so BAAADD,even though I know that it can kill me because for me one drink is never enough.
Please....Whatever your disorder or your disease is
stick with the struggle YOUR WORTH IT.Hang in there the climb will be worth it. HOLD ON...YOU ARE WORTH IT. STEVE

Thank you steve for your understanding…My problem is I just don’t know how much longer I can hold on, ya know?
My disorder is anorexia/bulimia. Ive been struggling with this for the past 14 years, and can’t remember a way of life without the disorder…if that makes any sence.

Hi Pyxye,
I was just floating around the internet and I found this site. I am an alcoholic and am also having a really hard time today. I know our disorders are not the same but here me out please.
I am of the the mindset that we with disorders no matter what that might be weather it is alcohol,drugs,eating,not eating,anger,whatever...or not being able too spell very well( bear with me a little bit)LOL.We all have one thing in common.WE ALL HURT INSIDE. We dont know what it is and we dont know why we do what we do.Most of us let this disorder consume us no matter what the consenquences are.Just like I almost did earlier today. I wanted a drink so BAAADD,even though I know that it can kill me because for me one drink is never enough.There is an old saying amongst us alkies...one is too many 100 arent enough.I know that all seems impossible right now but you can do this.Accept the guidance you are given and Fight this thing.You can do it.Think of the thing that pisses you off the most and use that anger to take that one small next step t6o wellness. Baby steps,a little at a time and you will kick the hell out of this,and always be proud of Yourself for that one step that day.It will all become clear a little at a time, I promise.

Whatever your disorder or your disease is
stick with the struggle YOUR WORTH IT.Hang in there the climb will be worth it. HOLD ON...YOU ARE WORTH IT.

STEVE

i feel you, believe me. im at the same point right now where i just dont believe that my ED will ever go away. i simply dont know what to do anymore about it, it's eating me up (literally).

can i ask how long you've been dealing with this? have you ever had therapy? (i would look back on your old posts but my internet is sooooooo slow, it'd take me years)

just know that you're not alone with this...

love
maedi

hi steve and pyxye i dont well about your case but may be it is because you lose something inside yourself what do you lose? why you put all your power and energy in drink and eat i think this is the first point you should think about and when you find the answer i think you can do something that may save your life,ofcourse have someone who desirve to save your life for his or her sick and if you dont have this one at least for yourself

Aw, Pyxye... I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It worries me that you're "nearing death." I know how hard this is, but you've GOT to keep fighting! You can do this--believe me! What kind of help are you currently getting? Are you inpatient? If not, I think it would be a good idea; if so, really work on trusting your treatment team. I know how awful it is to lose your zest for life, but it really can come back, even if you don't know what that would look like. I'm thinking of you. Hang in there!

Im so glad Im not alone in this, thank you for the responces...Im not inpatient at the time. I just have an outpatient trreatment team. Its no help though.

well that sounds intense, and im sorry for your pain. idk what else to say other than keep trying. i know it will take a long time and alot of work...but in the end i think itts worth it. you need to have positive people around you who will try and help you, but you gotta want to help yourself as well

pyxye, why do you think OP is not working? have you spoken to your therapist(s) there? is there anything they could change to help you? is there anything you should change?

hang in there, hun, i know how hard all this is, believe me!
xx

Pyxye just checking in.I hope you are doing well and hanging in there.

Steve…Thank you for thinking about me. I am just hanging in there, one minute at a time ya know? How are you? I hope well. I have been thinking alot about you, and hoping things are ok…

pyxye, glad your hanging on.
let us know if you need anything, keep posting!!

xxx
maedi

Hi, I'm Lea...

Can somebody please help me?

In March I went inpatient for the second time for Anorexia. I was emaciated and medically unstable, and it probably saved my life, but I didn't want recovery at the time and when I got out I lost a lot of the weight again but then became bulimic (I have never been bulimic before and it is really scary) and gained most of it back.

Anyway, I have been doing better with purging (it's been 1 week and 1 day, which is really good for me) but I have a job as a gym instructor and I have immense pressure to keep my body thin and fit looking, and I am having severe body image issues right now since I have gained weight.

I exercise at least 3 hours a day and I feel I can't stop. I just keep adding more and more and I am getting overwhelmed.

I am so sick of ED and I wish it had never come into my life and screwed everything up, but I am so afraid to let go of it. It's sick.

Can anyone relate? I really need to know I'm not alone.

Lea…I can relate very much to you. Ive been inpatient soooo many times, and just get out to return to my sick behavior. They call me Anorexia of the purging type. I cannot quit making my self purge after I eat ANYTHING!!! Im so lost right now, I feel death could not come to soon. Im that miserable, but at the very same time I can’t imagine life without my eating disorder.XOXO

lea honey,
you're definitely not alone. i've been dealing with my ED for half my life, been in and out of therapy, IP and OP. i'm hating my life, i hate ED, i hate myself.
in the beginning i was always hoping this therapy would cure me. but now i've learnt that recovery is a long, maybe never ending process. it will take ages, and at times it will all get worse before it gets better.

it sounds as if you're adding new symptoms of ED to your life, exercise bulimia being one of them.

are you currently in therapy? if not i'd recommend to do so ASAP. dealing with any ED by yourself is almost impossible. asking for more help (like you've done on here) is not a sign of failure, it's a sign of pure strength and of the wish to get better. so well done!

keep posting.

love
maedi