Help me understand? So lastnight wife and I go to consulling and this time her consuller was there as well as guy whom see both of together. To make this short. What I got from her consuller is I should just get over all this. Which I told her if it was that **** easy all there patients wouldn't need to see them aftee 1 visit. Another thing was she made it out that since I was gone from home due to me working abroad was my fault of the affair. Needless to say I'm angry now and not pleased. Also my wife made me feel that I haven't been supported enough of her needs. Which I have been way more giving what I have been through. So I told my wife I would back off. Also I feel right now I should sleep in separate bedrooms.
I disagree with your therapist. We are not responsible for the actions of others. She had a choice. She made the choice to cheat. If she is telling you that you haven't been supportive of her needs then that is something you can choose to address together. If you love her you will meet those needs. If she loves you she will not seek out someone else to fulfill those needs but communicate them to you. This was also the excuse my husband gave for cheating. I was busy with school and raising his child and yes I did put him on the back burner. I do regret it now. But he could have accomplished so much more by just telling me how he felt. Affairs are selfish and inconsiderate. By doing what he did, he took a solvable problem and made it into a near deal breaker. Now we have even more, even worse problems to work out. I take responsibility for my actions but I will never allow him or anyone else try to use them as an excuse for what he did. And your feelings are valid. "Just get over it?" really? That's like being stabbed in the chest and being told not to feel the pain. I wish it were that easy!
Are you sure that's what the counsellor was saying? It seems strange that they would say that, I think you miss understood them. I'm hearing your wife needs more attention from you maybe I'm wrong. How is sleeping in another room going to bring you closer when you are already away from home for work, that's should be when you two are together. Listen to what your wife is saying to you, she wants YOU to show her more affection and meet her needs please try, even though you feel you have been try more. And make sure you also tell her what you need from her, it's a marriage and it goes both ways.
I don’t work abroad anymore. The part about effection is. I thought what we both gave to eachother was perfect. However my wife expressed that I was asking alot more than what she could give. Which I didn't. Also I'm the type of guy whom likes effection from the other person. It can be just lime kisses on cheek holding hand
Just laying on the couch wrap up eachother. Also my brought up about me getting upset about not receiving enough effection from her and sleeping in the other bedroom. I haven't done that in over 1 1/1 months. However every night she will wake up and go sleep in the other room fpr various reason
Can't sleep . I'm snoring. So that's why I said I would just sleep in other room since I was blame for doing it anyways. Maybe I want my needs to come first for once. When I firsy talked with her consuller. It appeared as I was the one causing all the pain and hurt and my wife was the victim. She was very protected over her. I was like wtf. My wife has other issues that stint from her pasted. Which I know very little about. But to me aren't that big of concern to me as if that's gonna change my view of her as a person. I thought the reason her consuller was coming to our join meeting was to maybe share some of that info
Because my wife seems more safe to tell me because her consuller was present. Oh no. It was more like. We need to team up against me and see why I'm the bad person here and what harm I cause my wife in all of this. I even told my wife how I felt about what happened in meetingm
@this_too_shall_pass ok I think I’m getting the picture now, I had it competely backwards. You like to give attention to your wife but she is finding it too much? You keep her awake at night so she chooses to sleep in the other room? Am I correct now? The therapy part is kinda baffling to me, I’m not understanding their relationship. As far as I can tell the therapist is not helping her out much when it comes to her and you.