Help me

Just a little group project to make me feel a little bit less crazy. What are some LIES that ED tells you, and what are some things, some TRUTHS that you keep as ammunition to throw back at ED. I just need a little help today. ED is extremely loud today and I can't let him take another day. He has been winning far too often and he doesn't deserve it.

Short list of EDs toxic lies
--you don't deserve that
--you are disgusting
--you are a disapointment
--they are only nice to you b/c you are crazy
--you really are crazy
--just a few more pounds and we can stop
--Fat, fat, fat
--those are not ribs, those are failures
--you are a failure
--you are worthless
--no one loves you, how could they love that?

Short list of my truths
--I am worthy
--I am loved
--I am loved by a God who sees my imperfections and loves me anyway
--I am the only one responsible for my descisions
--I am not crazy, I have a disease
--I am not a failure
--I can be healthy
--I have a support system, and the ability to ask for help
--I deserve to be happy.
--I have to tools to get through this alive.

wooaaaa--thisis amazing sarah--this is like--one of the best excercises yet---cuz it really gets at the core of the problem!wow!

---im too fat, of course too fat too fat. with every step ill hear--your fat!

---(this is an amazing ED lie) ED says MUSCLE is fat! yes ED can say some craaaazy crap. muscle for petes sake! ive been battling that one today... really wierd.

--curves are fat and you should look like a 'little girl' or have a pre pubescent look or frail( this one always makes me go --huh? )

--you should be ASHAMED of your curves--they make you FAT! ( this one always comes in my head all day long

--- look at that skinny girl---why cant you be like HER, HUH? she is better than you are --you fat ugly 'curvy' cow!

---why cant you be skinny???? whyyy??? you are a faliure...

---your 'curvy' body type is not good enough--you are not good enough---you are a pig. why cant you have a skinny body type? you are a failure. you have to loose the curves or people will consider you fat.

---you are worthless--you dont deserve that. you dont deserve anything, not even the daylight. you dont deserve to go anywhere 'nice'.

--you are disguisting.

---just a few more pounds--i promise then youll be better--i promise--just a few more pounds---look you gained a pound you need to loose that...

--just a few more pounds i promise youll look better and be cool... ( yes i repeated that one cuz that one is always in my head.)

--your ugly fat trash---horrible...

--no man would ever find you attractive ----you are hideous! how can anyone bear to look at you! your a freak---a monster....no one would call you attractive...no one!

---you are stupid, dumb, brainless and good at nothing. nothing--you are good at!no one could ever like you --not in a million years!

you gained 2 pounds?? you failure. you fail at everything even wieght loss... even weight loss!

if you are healthy then you are FAT! you have to be a size XXX to be good! your size is way too fat! ugh --how could you? healthy is fat! underweight and bony is best. healthy is 'not good enough.'

you got fat!( when i look in the mirror--you gained weight --again! your getting bigger, bigger, bigger...)
thats too big , your hips are way too curvy and your beelly is too poofy and your thighs are so big and muscular they look ridiculous! fat arms, fat face, fat everything...

your curvy boobs make you look fat

the biggest one of all ---when you smile you look FAT cause your cheeks stick out---eeeeew!( that one always kills me)

Sarah, i want to seriosuly thank you for this. i swear im gonna print this out and give it to my therapist! this is awesome and helped me so much. tears were rolling down my eyes cuz i couldnt beleive how much hate is still in me!

my positive:

1. F---- you , ED shut the F--- UP!

2. Curves are not fat, they are part of a normal womans body . they are not fat . they are put there so we can pro create. as woman our bodies were meant to procreate, not be pre pubescent... and bony...

3. healthy is not fat--it is aweosme and looks way better than skinny! huh! your eyes glow, your skin glows, and curves are great!

4. I derserve great things. i do not deserve bad things to happen.

5 . i am beautiful and worthy

6. MUSCLE IS NOT FAT! what are you crazy, ED! muscle is great and amamzing and makes yo strong, you stupid ED! i will not be weak! i was not meant to be weak!

7. i am proud of my curves--they makes me lovely so shut the heck up ED. nothin wrong with my beautiful curves.

8.i dont have to be like someone else to be good enough. if someone is thinner than me---then, that is not me and not how i should be. i am strong healthy and fit so why should i have to be thinner and bony to be loved and good?

9 i cant be skinny cuz thats not my body type! ill never be able to change that one. i have to accept it the way it is. i cant be something im not.

10.i am smart, and good at a lot of things and people would be happy to know me.

11. i am lovely and dont need others to validate my worth.

12. a couple more pounds aint gonna matter ---ill never get to 'perfect'. ill always find something wrong.

13 i am not disguisting but amazing!

14. i did not get fatter ( in the mirror --i just think did . and even if i gained a few pounds----SO WHAT??? so what???? big deal.

15. MY CHEEKS ARE SUPPOSED TO STICK OUT WHEN I SMILE---IT IS THE MUSCLE PUSHING MY FACE UP , YOU DUMB ED! ugh (i hate that one. cuz every time i smile i think i look fat).

16 for petes sakes--- boobs do not make you fat, some women BUY breasts(not that is encourage that at all)-- so be happy for them! geez!

healthy IS NOT fat, but amazing!

Sarah, i seriosuly want to thank you for this--it is astonishing and i will print this out. seriosuly--this is the best post yet---cuz wow--did i find a lot of dirt in my head!

thanks a million!

love
maureen

I am so glad that it helped you! It helps me a lot to read it, and see how stupid ED's lies are, and how much power I give his words in my head. I just thought of another one of his lies that I give a LOT of power...

-"look, you ever failed at recovery, you fail at everything you try. You can't live without me"

That one has been in my head all day today.

Maureen, thank you for posting, it gave me a lot of validation that I am not in this alone.

you are very welcome, thank you! seriously this is incredible. i went to print it out but my printer is out of paper but ill print thsi out later. i think it is important for me to have cuz im going on vacation for a week and im a bit frightened. but i wont let it ruin my fun. i think it would be good if i read this there when im down.

this my fave post yet--and helped me see things much more clearly--wow! i did cry after i wrote it--how awful i see myself.. it is just sad...sad---who wants to live like that?

ok--so turn that one into a positve--

you fail at recovery, you fail at everything you do--you cant live without me----to i will win at recovery, i do not fail eveything you do, i will LIVE MUCH MUCH better without you and see the light of day, and sunsets and beauty of life and nature and everything! ill be able to appreciate a rose one day and gaze upon it and not think of you, ED!

and trust me---i did it, you can recover too, it doesnt matter hom many times you 'fall off the wagon' but to look past that and live again--without ED...

you can live way better without --ED. you do not 'need' him he is not a freind but an archememy...

thanks!

love
maureen

I will be there one day, just stuck in the cycle right now. But you give me hope. Have a great time on vacation and keep your tools close with you, and USE THEM before it gets too bad! I believ in you.

thanks sarah, thank so much for the post. i beleive in you , too..

love
maureen

Wow guys, I am crying at the moment. So many of your ED lies are exactly what I find I tell myself way too often.
I will actually sit down and do this exercise now. I just do not know how many Truths I will be able to write about myself. I have a very hard time with that one.

Being worthy of anything is a big one. I feel most of the time that I am not worthy of anything. I will take whatever **** is dealt to me because that is what I am here for, not much else.

I went out with a couple of friends last night and didn't leave their house until midnight. I actually email my firend this morning to say thank you for the night and apologize for staying so late and depriving them of doing something else more appealing.

There is definately too much **** in my head and I am going to see how much I can get out on paper now.

Thanks for the motivation ladies.

Love you for your inspiration!
Hugs

Shana

yes it is emotional to see the lies of ED–isnt it sickenign the crap that goes thru our heads?? im so happy you got motivated from this as did i!

i cried too. ED is just disguisting! like cancer or a virus that gets under your skin…

and twists your mind…

hugz

maureen

This is a great post!

What ED tells me every day:

-you are FAT/useless/unworthy/disgusting/made of fat
-you don't deserve food/love/that grade/water/coffee/anything
-you need to purge/starve/restrict/die to be beautiful
-if you binge you are a failure, if you don't binge you still are a failure
-your life is meaningless
-you don't deserve family/friends/boyfriend
-everything is your FAULT
-you are NEVER thin enough
-happiness=weight loss=skinny=beautiful

What I know is truth

-NONE of what I said above
-I AM worth it
-I deserve LIFE
-I deserve to be HAPPY/LOVED/HEALTHY
-happiness= health=wellness=BEAUTIFUL!
-I am perfect the way I am
-Perfection is not real; Perfection is each individual
-Things happen, they are not always your fault
-My life is important to ME/my BOYFRIEND/my FRIENDS/my FAMILY- I am here for a reason
-starve/binge/purge/restrict will NEVER make me BEAUTIFUL- it will only make me sick.
-I am BEAUTIFUL

ED lies:
-I can't eat food..it makes me weak
-I can live off adderall, nuvigal, coffee and nicotine and still do good in school and dance.
-Anything i can pinch is feeling failure.
-Cutting makes me feel in control of my body, starving puts me in control
-My anxiety would be so much better if i were five pounds skinnier
-i love the way i look sick, frail, bony...that is beauty
-i am that sick girl deep down inside. I am only fighting the inevitable relapse that will take me back to where i "should" be.
-gaining pounds means loosing self-worth.

Truths:
-i am alive today becuase i was lucky ebough to have a family that cared enough about me to get me help.
-to reach my goals i have to be healthy.
-i want to want to be healthy. I want that to be my priority
-i am loved.
-when i get too skinny people find me less attractive, but i don't care.
-i want to care
-i am blessed.
-i am beautiful
-i am worthy
-i deserve to eat.
-i deserve to be happy and dance again and keep my passions alive.

Last truth: I will survive this. and i will have a happy life.

thanks for this post.

ED lies:
-YOU ARE FAT
-no one can look at you without judging you
-you should be ashamed of yourself
-you're worthless
-you're undeserving
-you're unlovable
-just a few more pounds... just a few more pounds...
-skipping a few meals here and there can't hurt...
-a little extra exercise here and there can't hurt...
-you have to restrict to prove that you're strong
-feeling hungry means that you're a failure and a weakling
-you're ugly: you're ugly when you're fat, and you're just as ugly when you're underweight; therefore, you're just plain ugly, and no amount of weight loss is ever going to change that
-what a loser! you can't even lose enough weight to make yourself beautiful!

my truths:
-I am WORTH the effort it takes to recover (this one always makes me cry!)
-God loves me, died for me, and wants health and happiness for me--NOT misery
-other see me as beautiful (this one's hard to accept!)
-I have many accomplishments to be proud of (this one's hard to own)
-I CAN achieve my dreams--but only if I'm healthy!
-I DESERVE to enjoy life--including food!
-other people care about me, believe in me, and want to see me recover
-I have the strength and will it takes to do this
-I'm not giving up without a fight
-I'm not going to let myself die for the sake of a few measly pounds--honestly, who cares?! (well, I do, but I'm working on not caring enough to kill myself over it)
-my friends will still like me and want to be around me if I gain a few more pounds
-most people won't notice if my weight fluctuates a little (I'm still working on believing that one)
-fat is not a feeling; this isn't really about the food

Thanks for the post, Sarah! I want to add another challenge for everyone who wants to try this exercise: come up with AT LEAST as many positive truths as you do ED lies; for me, it wasn't as easy as it sounds!

thanks so much for this , sarah!

i swear, this changed me so mcuh today..

for the first time i could kinda see myself in the mirror--like i could see more clearer... it was like---wiping the mirror with windex.
it was much better, oh im still far from there yet but this really really helped!

oh---and isnt there so many similairities to our list of ED lies! wow--so great you all participated!

now lets kick ED out...

love
maureen

What my ED tells me

-You're fat have love handles and cellulite
-You're ugly
-You're worthless
-You're boring and stupid
-You're huge no matter what you wear to hide it
- If you eat that there is no going back the numbers will keep going up
-Run,run,run,run
-Lie, waste, hide your secrets no one must know
-If you loose weight people will LOVE you
-If you gain weight people will see you as a fat slobby pig
-Five more pounds shed five more people will care abut you
-When you run everything jiggles and people driving bye will stare
-That girl is thinner than you...be that girl
-Could your gut hang any further down over your jeans? Come on have some self control.
-Drink coffee, don't eat
-You need to starve and if you fail then purge and fix it
-Don't let them see you purge, don't let them know you're not eating
-Your bones are beautiful when they stick out like that

I cried writing this. It scares me more than i realized :) Sonrisas

yes it is amazing sonrisas, how destructive and hideous creature ED is!

i cried also---it is god--awful!

and remember UNTRUE!

love
maureen

How similar ED is in each of us. It brings tears to my eyes to know that we all suffer alone, that we all feel this turmoil, this personality fight within ourselves, who are we really. Are we strong enough to be the bigger voice? We have to be if we are going to win and live through this war with ED. He is not worth my life. He is so loud, so big, so threatening. And that dangling carrot that he has in front of my face is so tempting, that happy skinny girl that will be so beautiful if I can just lose those 2 pounds, those 5 pounds, do 100 more sit ups, 25 more pushups. I am almost there, almost there. almost dead.

We can do this, I can do this, you can do this. We can beat ED. I have faith in us.

beautiful sarah, thanks so for this post it is great!

we can do this, and it is so SAD to see what ED does. SO SAD! really....