My fiance was in a car accident, he was in a coma for three weeks with major head trauma and a neck fracture. He spent a total of three months in the hospital. He's been home for a year now and has done very well rehabing himself. Although I tell him daily how proud I am of him, it's not enough. To me he gets better every day. For him his memory and his education level is what seems to be his struggle now. In his mind he wants to go back to work, and feels he can go back. He was a cert. engineer, cert. truck driver w/hazmat lic. he was use to hard work. And heavy machine oper. was his favorite. Like all boys big toys are fun. So in his mind he can jump on the backhoe and start working. On the other hand his body and response time are not 110%. This support group is the one thing I hope will keep his spirits up and help him to realize we are not the only family going through a difficult time. Thanks to all and god bless!
Hello. I am very sorry to hear about your fiancé. I myself out of the blue had classic stroke like symptoms 8 months ago. However it wasn't a true stroke. Ever since I have had an increase in symptoms...most likely neurological. However the doctors are completely stumped and I have no diagnosis despite my worsening symptoms..I can't speak and cannot walk well at all I have involuntary movements of arms and legs and use a walker. I am only 33. Two years ago I almost died from kidney and liver failure out of the blue as well..needed dialysis. Almost dying gave me a new perspective on life so I went to grad school to continue in my field..I had been a counselor for teenagers for 6 years now I wanted to be a therapist. Then last nov wham! I continued school but I had to drop out of my internship due to being unable to speak. However, like your fiancé, I Was like I'm not going to let anything stand in my way. I can keep going no problem. I refuse to lose my independence didn't really want help from others kinda in denial I guess that my life was changed in a matter of moments. I am glad to hear he's getting better and that you are supportive. My family and friends have been amazing. But I know it takes an extreme toll on them...as I can tell it does on you as well. My symptoms continue to worsen and noticed last quarter that it's hard for me to concentrate and takes me forever to understand stuff now and often get confused still...was never like me before..it came so easy and simple. I don't know the extent of his injuries and if he will fully recover. But it's hard when you are aware that you can't do the things you used to or do them as well anymore. He sounds a little like me...I've been in denial up until recently. I would drag myself to classes literally falling and shaking all bad saying no big deal I got this..I can take that test..I can do that presentation. In fact Im fine..let me please go back to internship. My body and my brain don't work like they used to and I finally accepted this..I was pissed..but accepted it. I just took an official leave of absence starting this week from school to try to get better and continue to look for answers. It was such a hard decision..not that I really had much of a choice to make..my body and brain are saying no stop! But like your fiancé I'm a active person..and school and my field are my hopes and dreams. To see it slip through your fingers is heartbreaking. It's a lot of loss. He lost a lot when he was injured..he lost control of his mind and body..but he lost many other things too like his job and skills and I'm sure many other things as well. Trying to adapt to a whole new life and way of living is one of the hardest things a person can do. Especially when it changes in a split second. I'm glad to hear he's getting better and I really hope he fully recovers...I know that if I was on a upswing I would say at the first notice of improvement hey I'm good again...let's go on back and jump in too. Even if not up to the level needed to truly go back. I don't know if any of this is helpful. Just do what you been doing and be supportive. However be honest with him too even if he doesn't want to hear it. It took a lot of personal therapy and my family and friends saying it's time to stop and be realistic. Otherwise I would be going to a class tomorrow despite falling and feeling horrible. My wife and you would have a lot to talk about her being in your shoes and all. And that's one thing I wanted to ask...you say you want this online support group to help him lift his spirits and stuff. I noticed you didn't say anything about yourself needing any support. Like I said before I don't know the extent of his injuries and was wondering if you are also writing on the behalf of him due to his injuries. If you are that's awesome. But just make sure you get support too..I don't know if there is a caretaker support group or not..but even still I know what you and my wife go through dealing with us. You need to be commended. It's hard situation to help take care of someone. I know this al, too well as I took care of my mother since I was 12 because she had schizophrenia..she passed last year from Alzheimer's. I know I love my wife even more now...not many people would have stayed with me to deal with whatever the hell this is..they would have left. She's not even 30 yet and just started a career as a attorney..she wants kids etc...and now our future is uncertain..I don't have a clue if I will be able to take care of myself let alone a baby now. At any rate it sounds like you are awesome. He's lucky to have you. You are welcome to talk to me anytime...good luck to the both of you.
Sara
Losing your prior functional level is very much like losing a loved one and he needs to be allowed to grieve for his loss. Elizabeth Kubler Ross described 5 stages that people go through in the grief process; denial,bargaining, anger, depression and acceptance. Not all people go through this in any specific order. I've noticed that when I had my CVA due to electroshock therapy, my ability to function decreased dramatically. I was a practicing nurse and though that I could continue to do my job at the same level I could before. I soon noticed that I forgot how to do simple tasks. This gradually became worse and I continued to deny it. It became so bad that in 2007 I was fired from a job that I had since 1986. I blamed it on stress and took another job. I lasted another 1 1/2 years until I had to quit. I can no longer remember simple things and cannot multi task. I am very similar to Sara. I decided to still keep my nursing license current because I worked very hard to get it. i thought that I wouldn't be a "Valid Person" without it. I admire your courage to stick with him because I'm sure that living with a brain injured person is very difficult (so my husband tells me). He finally told me that I don't need a license to be a worthwhile person, it took a long while for me to process that (like everything else now) but I finally accepted that fact. giving up my nursing career has been a major loss to me. I struggle with it everyday. I am subject to bouts of depression and anger, which at this time I am in therapy for. I have been lucky enough to get on SSDI which helps alot. In losing those skills I have tried to compensate by vollentering at the nursing home that fired me. It really helps my mood to help others. I keep in contact with my higher power (god) with regular prayer. I don't ever expect to be "cured" but with the help of my husband and family who look at things more objectively It has been easier to accepy my limitations. God bless you and your family. I hope this helps.
Kim