Hello first of all my self esteem went down since a very young age and only got worse as I went through my past marriage but now that I think I might be getting a little self esteem I can go out with family or someone in public and realize instintly I have none for any situations its like I am a sitting duck if that makes any sense I want to stand up right tall, smiling, and speak my mind but in a sturn calm caring voice as well...........I want to show some independence on my face I am so way off of base of what I need.
I am so glad you found the site and have a place to express yourself! Learning to see our own self worth is actually I think quite innate, the reason that a lot of people cannot is because they believe the outside voices of friends, family, classmates, lovers telling them that they are not this or that or not enough, etc.. This is all a pack of lies, you are amazing and don't need to fill a certain image, pant size or social norm, you simply are. I am so sorry that you weren't allowed to see this, but I hope you will work towards discoverying if for yourself.
good for you..I know how you feel when a marriage starts falling apart you dont even want to see anyone..im glad your feeling better...
Well here we go another day of this telling me I dont know what I am doing I have no common sense (just in a round about way) but def there. As for today it began last night around 9-10pm or so I started getting phone calls again from this much older man whom harrases me and stalks me to the point of runs off anyone watches my windows, if he thinks some man is at my place he throws sticks at my apartment, yells out comments to me non-stop so much more but anyway he began calling a couple times again last night so when I finnaly answered and let him know to stop calling he calls the ambulance AGAIN... just to claim he is having a heart attack and I am causing it so my landlord whom has known of his mess for a couple years actually called me at 11pm to ask me if ... I... wanted to move !!!! as if its my fault he has a hang up has put bruises on me swears he is gonna marry me and shot any boyfriend if I had one! so how is this my fault as well?
Then today I went back to check on a used car I was really really interested in and almost got it then AGAIN.. I am messing up and dont know what I am doing so says my mother and jumps my case loud! letting me know if I am just gonna give my truck away (so she says) then give it to her she will buy it but yet I dont know what I am doing!!
I am suppose to wait on her favorite son to just give his approval of what I want....yes my income is limited but for what I put in gas in my Truck that is literly HALF of what my payment would have been on the vehicle...BUT once again I let the comments and oppions control me and droped my self esteem of just knowing I could have showed all I can manage life on my own but I just decide forget it and called to let my mother know since they all think I know nothing and am a failure in life I gave them what they wanted I will keep my gas drinking truck and continue to keep it parked for weeks literly everyone around here knows my truck stays parked.
I give up they win on me and my thoughts and let them just keep any hope I keep trying to build up that never seems to come through..I actually went with the name of Hope a couple years of my divorce years back because I lost all hope and keep telling myself they HAVE TOO BE some kind of hope in this world............but there just flat out NONE some can manage it but I am done! at this point I hate anything I ever tried to aquire in myself and tried to stand for it just never mattered all I wanted was a little happiness and cheer for me
hi hope...i think your name is fitting..what I hear is a fighter and to be honest thats what you have to be...this guy in your building that **** is not acceptable..you need to have someone talk to him..or throw him against a wall and threaten him but he cant have full reign on your life like that...he is basically holding you hostage..hit me up on message if you wanna talk cause I have some ideas ;)