My b/f and I have been together for almost a year. In the beginning our sex life was FANTASTIC, but it slowly started to diminish. It went from daily, to weekly to every two weeks, now it's once a month give or take. In the beginning I worried about his fidelity (still do to some extent) When I try to talk to him about it I get the usual "it's not you, I'll go to the dr." Which he still hasn't done. When I try intimacy I get excuses, tired, heart burn, not feeling well......etc etc. Any suggestions on what I can do? It seems to me if he loves me and cares for me he would want to find a solution. Im sad and frustrated and it's beginning to affect my self esteem.
hi do you think that he may be embarassed to go to the doctors? maybe if that is the case you could go with him for support. maybe sit down and talk about the whole situation like why he hasnt gone to the doctors yet and is there something you could do to help him feel better and get in the mood also if he would like you to go with him to the doctors for support and that you still love him even if he has a physical problem and are going to be there to help him through it. just some encouragement. im sure he knows you love him sometimes men need that extra boost. i hope this helps ya hun and i wish you the best. anytime you need to talk im here.
Kasey,
My husband and I have the exact same issue!!!! I thought I was the only one. Only difference is it took much longer than a year. We have been together for 11 years and married 9. Once a month would be great for me because that would be an improvement. We do however have spurts where we will have it every day for a week then back to the old routine. I spice it up with different things, introduced him to some new things. It helps and I learned that men like to be pursued just as much as we do. My husband did talk to the doctor. There is nothing the doctor can do if he doesn't have a problem getting an erection. It is just the drive to not be lazy and make it happen. I can make him erect no problem, but to get him in the bed is another story and I always feel I am the one chasing. Makes me mad, I want him to want me. If you find a solution let me know and I will be glad to share whatever you want with you on the subject. I am pretty open when it comes to that stuff.
Delana
Thanks ladies.
I have tried talking to him but he is a very private person and yes I do think he may be embarassed, its hard to tell with him sometimes. I have tried encouraging new things, toys, etc. I can be an extemely open minded person and have told him so. I am not sure if he has a hard time getting an erection because if he doesn't want to play he avoids getting that intimate with the excuses I mentioned.
Faith: I think my problem is extremely similair to yours, think maybe it's more lazy than medical. These days even when we have sex it is like I am doing all the work, its very frustrating. :( I want to be pursued and chased again. I have tried waiting him out, figure if I show no interest and stop pushing maybe he will take the lead, problem is im impatient and can never wait more than a week til I try and usually get disappointed.
He is a loving person in every other way, spoils me in every other way. I should be grateful, but what can I say, I want it ALL. :)
thats understandable that you want interaction back from him. we as women need to feel loved, needed, and attracted to. we need the attention. its ok to do some of the work but all the time would get old i understand what your saying. i wish you both luck and more spice in your relationship. i wish i had more ideas to help you out. it sounds like you are trying to do new things so it will be more interesting. do you think maybe if you dont give him none for awhile he will get the point and be more willing to try?
I have tried that foxy, problem is I am a pretty sexual person. Even just laying in bed cuddling gets me wound up LOL so it's hard. Only way I can keep from it is to not cuddle or snuggle and then he thinks I am mad or that something else is wrong. I can't seem to make him understand no matter how many times I tell him that I love him and find him sexy and attractive and desperately want to have our physical relationship back to where it was.
The only good side to all of this is that I came from a marriage where when he wanted it he wanted it and it did not matter how I felt, or even if I enjoyed it, If I was sick, etc. he was still gonna get it. My b/f is totally opposite of that. There have been a couple times that I was sick or just didn't feel good and he was sweet and understanding, which is a nice change.
lol well i hope you can figure something out.i wish i had more ideas for ya hun but im fresh out.:) im here if ya need to talk though.
Kasey,
He is just gonna have to step up and take care of business, bottom line. I know that sounds harsh, but men do not realize a healthy sex life is just as important to us as it is them. There is plenty of help out there and plenty of people going through the same thing as he is. I know it will be very embarrassing for him at first, but once the problem is address and his woman his satisfied he will find it was all worth it. Best of luck Hun, keep me posted!
Hello Ladies,
I am brand new to this website and would like to share with you that I have been lecturing with a Urologist for several years that sub-specializes in sexual health and I have to admit....I have learned so much! I have learned sexual health IS an important part of our lives and adds to the quality of life we live. There is help out there whether it's a true medical issue or relationship issue, the most important thing is to communicate with each other. I learn more and more everyday and now can honestly say that i am proud to be of assistance to our patients:) More and more people including us WOMEN are opening up to talking about sex.
Please dont give up or settle for less than your happiness whatever the case may be... Best Wishes
Shelby
Well shot down again :(. We were both up early, cuddling and watching TV. When I tried to get more intimate I was told it was distracting him for the stupid show (Ever wanna pitch a tv out the window?).
Good news is he is almost out of his inhalers and wants me to find him a dr and make him an appointment next week. I am hoping he will discuss the issue with the dr at the time of his appointment.
Hi Kasey,
i think discussing your needs are just as important as his. Bringing it to his doctors attention is exactly what you need to do. Keeping in mind that there are a variety of medications out there that may play a role in his sexual desire. Communicating with him is key..... Good luck to you and don't give up.
DOSH
talking to a man about his inability to do the one thing that he feels like he is supposed do and has an obligation to do is not a good approach. I know it soiunds egotistical but when men are confronted with the issue he is as embarrased, shamed, and dumb founded as he may ever get. They understand that their wife/girlfriends want to help and may in fact blame themselves but its better to maybe right a letter explaining your concerns and offer to help him non-verbally. Then he doesn't have to acknoledge the issue verbally, at least in the beginning. Sugest in the letter what you think may be good for him if IF and When he is ready to seek resolution. The one person harder to talk to than his wife/girlfriend is a doctor. Maybe you should suggerst going with him to the doctor in a second letter after he suggest going to the doctor himself. Like I said, its egosticial in ways but I compare his discomfort to talk about to talking to his parents about masterbation. Ackward
Joey I totally agree with you. I have tried so hard to be patient. This problem has been ongoing for 7 or 8 months or more now. I can understand why he would be embarassed. I understand if it's medical, however I still feel he could at least take steps to um let say make me happy even if he can't go "all the way" so to speak. (trying to be politically correct here) I get so tired of the "im tired, I have heartburn, this is a good movie, excuses. TALK TO ME, don't make excuses. And don't make promises you dont intend to keep. Sounds harsh but he has been saying he will go to a dr for over 2 months now. We will see if he stands by it this time. I get tired of feeling rejected everytime I want to get intimate.
This is the deal. I am a man who knows just what most of you are talking about. Although I do not have complete ED, i have experience the time when i wanted to have sex with my partner and i just couldn't do it. She asked me was it her, and i knew that i loved her and it wasn't her, it just wasn't going to happen. It is embarrassing, and sad when you can't perform like you used to. I start to use some products that made me a man again. You can find them by going to my site at www.macsmarketing.info and look in the men's section. These products will work, i am proof, i keep some around so when that time come when she want to have a nice time and my manhood wants to hide, i get this good stuff right away, and in no time I am harder than a 20 year old. Get there now and try something nice that will even work when there are health issues involved. Guaranteed!
Have you gained weight or have any vaginal discharge? These are often hard for men to discuss with their partner. Or maybe he's gay? Just sayin.
No Earl, I have not gained weight, he however has put on 2 extra pant sizes, and I still find him incredibly attractive. And no to the discharge. And I shower every single day, sometimes twice LOL. An no, most definitely not gay. When its good it's great, its just getting it there. There has been slight improvement, his sexual appetite still does not match mine though :(
HI Kasey,
Im sorry to hear that things haven't really improved much. Did he ever make it into the doctors? Do you think he's ready to seek help? If it is a sexual desire issue there could be a few factors involved. i understand how this could affect you. Maybe a serious sit down talk could lead to some help.
We do have some clips on youtube to check out if you are interested in learning more about Sexual Dysfunction.
you would refer to: http://youtu.be/ZlI_RKbNSrk
Best Wishes,
Hello Kasey,
I've read your story and all the replies. Though maybe a male reaction can help although it's nothing more than a suggestion of course.
While reading what you wrote and replied my first thought was that you bf is not in balance. I've discovered that man will 'perform' best in a relationship when they are in good physical and mental shape, not meaning they need to sport everyday but some activity is needed. Same counts for the brain.
I feel it myself, when I have been working too much and didnt get excersises or rest my performance would also drop (dramatically). By performance I mean btw sexual performance, but also attitude towards my wife. Getting the excersises help clean the brains and improve performance.
Maybe your bf is troubled by something that he finds hard to discuss with you. I once had a fantasy that I didn't dare to share with my gf. I locked me up after a while. When I finally decided to discuss it, all the doors seemed to open again and sex was better than before. I don't have the answer for you what is happening to your bf, but maybe it can help you to start discuss matters with him. He app does care about you, so the physical part will also be there but it's blocked. Start talking, or maybe offer to write fantasies to each other. Maybe that can bring new ideas.
Good luck and don't give up on him!
Hey, I have replied in the past and I came up with another idea that may be solution, aside from him seeing a urologist. If you create a mystery scenerio for him, one where he will like but also be surprised. Send him a letter from a secret admirer and take it from there just to get him out of his box a little bit
Thanks for all the great advice. We are still working on the issue. Not alot has changed. He did go to dr for some other health issues, got meds etc., doesn't take them regularly and hasnt been back since. I don't get mad about it anymore. It's not worth my energy.