I'm new, and I've never talked to anyone about the after affects of divorce. I just thought I would leave him, and life would be fabulous.
Well, I found that I feel alone a lot, I've lost most of my friends, and I feel like my life has stopped and I'm not sure how to restart it.
Does this sound familiar to anyone?
Yes one can lose friends & ties from a divorce situation. If they are truly YOUR friend & arent being involved in the break-up (i.e. discussing the other spouse or speaking badly about them) then some of them will still be supportive of you no matter what, they can just be a sounding board or shoulder to cry on but not directly involved in what your going through or personal business. Glad you here & please keep talking & take care of you.
April
well, one of my best friends that I miss a lot is now with my ex. She tells everyone that he loves her so much and that he treats her like a queen. treated me like crap. i sure hope his true colors come out. guess she wasn't a true friend. she believes in karma, really can't wait for that to come around and bite her in the ***
Well there you go if his pattern & character was what you say you experienced then.......... Please try to NOT listen to what others say or do (its difficult unless you CARE still) it will only make matters worse & you feel very angry & more pain & that will not help you accomplish/focus on YOU to take out the garbage in life & not sit w/vengeance, it'll will get you nowhere.....just a suggestion/thought from experience, it'll eat you alive. We're here for you.
April
Wow, hun so sorry to hear about the divorce and the back stabbing of your friend. Let her "toot her horn away" I personally always feel when people are doing that, there is a lack of confidence...you're free...and nothing positive comes from negative energy, so ya missy karma will be back.
May I ask how long are you divorced for? Do you have any other friends to talk to? How long were you married for?
How are you after the divorce? i am sure it was a very stressful time and you just want to have some good times now and have some laughs. We are all here to support you in any way we can.
So talk to us, let us know how you are
Much love to you
Moongal x
This is my first time to this site. I am too trying to figure out how to find myself and my own life after divorce. It is much more difficult than I imagined it would be.
Hey,
Welcome! We are here for you. So talk to us. After a relationship ends we do feel we've lost parts of ourselves because they were caught in an "us" rather than "me" for a time.
And it's ok to take time to try and find yourself again and mourn the loss of that relationship. Can I ask how long were you married for? How long are you divorced for? Do you have people in your life to talk to about this?
We are here for you
Much much love to you
Moongal x
Divorce can be one of the most emotionally disruptive events in your life, no doubt.I't not uncommon to lose friends and go through some pretty extreme ups and downs.
For me, I was married for almost twenty years. Divorce literally left me with nothing. Lost house, family, friends - all of it. Was offered a job in another state, and I jumped on it. Actually left everything and got on a Greyhound bus with clothes in a trash bag. Best move I ever made!
My point here is that sometimes drastic situations require drastic action. For me, the best way to get my head back on straight was to start over alone.
Give yourself room, and give yourself time. If your "friends" truly care, they'll come around before long - if not, you don't really need them around, do you?
Take care of yourself and you'll be just fine!
Many blessings to you!
The best thing to do is be true to yourself.I to am in the start of a divorse. right now I do not have any feelings it is like I am in a dead zone mentaly.Just keep focused on your mind & health.This site has helped me so very much!
I have friends and family to support me but they do not know the inner feelings that you get when this happens and every one here does.at this time is when you will discover true friends.They say it gets easier with time.but I feel it will get easier when you can look at your self and feel good with your life and what ever it brings you.remember the strong will survive. You say you feel alone,that is what i fear myself.You have to face your fears in order to get past them be strong.Keep talking
True enough, zimmy, we all have to face our fears in order to grow, both humanly and spiritually. Sometimes in life, being alone is the only way you can figure out where you are.
I can assure you that your friend is NOT a friend. NO friends swap spouses, that is really off the wall. I for one would count her out of my LIFE. She's trash. Loneliness is very common after divorce. I left too and had my two small children to raise on my own. It's been about 12 years now and now my children are 20 and 18 and it's more lonely then ever now. So here I go again, learning to live a different way again. The older we get, the harder it is to change, but change is good because we grow from it. When I left, I left all of our friends too. Then I figured out that it was a new beginning and had to make new friends. And now, I have more friends then ever. And the way I made all these friends was telling my story, it opened up the communications and they shared their story with me. When you meet a potential friend, as them "What's your story", they will share and you will open up to them as well. I did theropy for a while and found out the best theropy is people that has experienced ups and downs in any situation can give you more hope then sitting with a counselor. Counselors have the book smarts, friends have street smarts. Good luck, keep posting your issues, I will help you get through it.
I here you about friends.My kids are 8-10 now they will be with there mother after this is over.unless some miracle happens.I will say this it is easier for me to be with them alone now because I do not think about her just the kids.I to went to a counceler to for 5 sessions. It did help some what but I did it to try and save my marrage which was behyond saving with the discovery of the boyfriend. this site has helped me the most in all of the things that I have done.My only way to get thru right now is be blind about her and what ever happens love my kids and have fun with them.Myself I just do not know but there is always an end to every story and a new story will start.I started writing a journel about my feelings when I am alone some day I hope to look back and laugh.Just asking for 1 good night sleep is my wich.
Keep trying
I hope you sleep tight Zimmy......
Take care & keep spreading the word regardless.....
April
Thanks April, I try to sleep,it is getting a little better.I have to get up at midnight every weekday.she leaves the tv on ac on high with windows open.So I have to shut every thing down and go back to bed. wake up time for me is 4:15 am so there is not much good sleep to be had.Last week she said phone did not work.I bought new phone it came with 2 phones.Left one in kitchen the other one i put in bedroom upstairs were i sleep. that is the way it always was till the Divorse crab started.she took phone out from upstairs and said it was no good anymore.yesterday she hooked up a new phone downstairs and said it was her phone.At 1 point I felt like countering back at her but I stepped back and said to myself it was not worth it.took other phone and put away.she was on phone for 2-3 hours came out of room and asked were other phone was i told her i put away she said that is the home phone and the other is hers.I need phone for my job that is why I need 1 upstairs.Just not worth the bull she gives
Go with the flow April
Again it doesnt have to be that difficult huh, kinda sounds incidental & silly if one really thinks about it I'm sorry honey & the choice is yours, life IS simpler if & when one decides what THEY want. I sure get the 4am bit, mine was 5am have been adjusting that each day by an hour, cause like you mentioned you dont get quality sleep "deep realm". I've alot of times had to meet the crap HEAD ON instead of being "Peace Keeper" (just for my sanity) somedays & I for one feel better about me. And I've been going w/the flow, their flow, I've detoured... good for me.
I find it easier to step back rather than have a cofortation.I just need to be alone so i can get 1 good day of sleep.but in another sense when I am alone I start to get depressed with the situation.still trying to find peace.hoping when i go to court judge will not make me pay her more than 80 dollars because right now I can not pay all of the bills with what i make.I have never felt so poor in my life.I know I will be poor for a long time after this but I find it hard to tell kids I can not do things because of money.she takes them out every day for lunch or dinner.I have to pay all of the bills.since this has happened I have not had more than 5 dollars in my pocket.she does what ever the kids want to do money is no object to her and that is why I am so broke now.
Say a prayer I sure have.
thanks zimmy
My modem took a poo last week sorry I didnt get to talk w/you zimmy, I've been poor all my life, rich with other things your cant put a price on & it sucks & your right, to see someone else doing what the hell they want, gee wiz my so called husband just spent the mortgage 2 days ago even though I route around it STILL while I step by step lead my way out & I've ran this marathon for 19yrs. & YES it jeapordizes all livelyhood, I could hardly buy school shoes or milk/food somedays & stood in food lines years ago to be able to feed my kids, so again your not alone & what goes around comes around eventually, your family doesnt want money (even though, outta our own guilt, we play into that thought from society) THEY WANT YOU & NEED YOU, their just too young to get it that way yet, their kids seeing what "Timmy" has/or is doing down the street or whatever, thats what their suppose to do, be kids.... When you have them around, plan something ahead for dinner or fun, put a cool silly name to it "We're having a mexicana extravaganza, (its was just tacos), then get a camera w/no film & empty boxes for them to play in & act like your taking pictures, I use to do that) Honey I'm so sorry for how your feeling & know your not alone, it doesnt make our choices that WE made in life any easier & I had to throw myself under the bus cause I CHOOSE WRONG, I'll be thinking of ya...
April, **** I'm exhausted now, long post
I'm new on here just looking for someplace to be open and honest and not have to put up a brave happy front for friends and family all the time. I separated from my husband last summer bc he cheated on me with a 19 yr old girl and he was 34. They worked together so thats how it started. I was told I wasnt good for anything except being a mom to my two lil girls. Then he moved out and quit paying the mortgage so our home got foreclosed and my daughters and myself had to move in with my parents. I go from being happy one day we arent together to being sad that i'm raising our daughters all by myself. I have friends of my own but none of them or my family has gone through a divorce like this so they dont really know how it is.
Hello momto2lilgirls,
It is hard for anyone that has not gone thru a divorse to realize how hard it is.My mom & dad got a divorse when we all were gone from them.I to am in the middle of a divorse.
My mom told me it is like going through a death with someone you have been withfor a long time but they are still alive.This is true.This is a place to be open with everyone.It is good to write and read about diffrent people and their situations.It has helped me alot.the hardest thing is to let go of the other person.You need to concentrate on you and your kids.I was married for 17 years and together for 3 years before getting married.My wife met some guy on the internet and started an affair.She told me she needed her space the hole nine yards till I found out about the boy friend.Believe me it is not an easy path we are on but this is the time for you to look ahead do not look or think of the past.
Keep talking believe me it helps
Zimmy
Do not look back at this it only makes the hurt worse.
We do not know the reason why someone would do the things they do.But it is reality.People do not understand the hurt we feel.Mine will not talk to me at all.She told her family that she had a boyfriend and she diservered to have one? Listen you are not the one in fault here you are the victim.Keep the love for your kids and tell them you love them.Try and concentrate on your children.They will need your support & love.As far as he goes forget him, he is no longer in your life he made a chioce that he must live with for the rest of his life.Even if he says he wants you back you will never trust him again.Trust is a big part in a marriage.I am loosing every thing I have worked and lived for the past 20 years.My house ,Kids and my credit.My kids sometimes do not even talk to me.Last night my daughter would not talk to me at all,I did not even get to say good night.My son tells me I am mean mommy is right you are mean.We still live in the same house right now.My heart is Broken by the way she has belittled me to the kids.So like I said we are hear to listen and talk about what is happening with our lives.
Prayers are with You BE STRONG.
Zimmy