Hello,
A couple months ago my wife of 22 years moved out and we've been seperated. My son and I are still in our house. I've used this support group here and its helped out allot when we were seperating. Now we are progressing down the divorce path and its getting scary.
I guess I was pretty comfortable in the seperation, life wasn't to bad. Now she's talking about divorce, ugh. Now its getting a little harder. Anybody have any suggestions I'd really like to hear them. There is a lot more to this story but I don't want to bore you. As long as I have my son that's all I care about. Thoughts?
I am in the process of converting a legal separation to a divorce. You are right, it is scarier. I guess there was always hope of reconciliation when it was only a separation. Now it's the real deal, and I am not at all happy about it turning out this way. By the way, I am the one who filed for divorce. I have chosen divorce over prolonged suffering that occurred with separation. Separation is like peeling off a bandaid really slowly.
It's so hard, I was married for 12 years, then seperated, then divorced for a year now. Honestly, it still hasnt gotten easier. I thought that once the divorce was final I could move onto the next chapter in my life, had mt boys, job a love, and great friends. But....its hard, some days easier than others. I can tell you that if that's where its going it is just best to get on with it. The not knowing is really the hardest. I can at least now know that I did what I could to save our marriage, it didnt work, life's not perfect but I know there is a life after divorce.
I am having a hard time with the fact that I reconciled with my spouse 7 years ago only to find myself in the middle of a divorce now. However it is not the piece of paper saying we are or are not married that is causing the pain. It is the loss of a partner that I love very much. The status of our marriage was never a concern to me. It was whether or not we were happy together. For the great majority of our marriage, including the time leading up to our divorce, I was far happier than not. I filed for divorce because I felt I had no choice. He abandoned the marriage during a depressive meltdown. The why or how or who isn't easing the pain at all. It happened, I didn't want it to happen, and I am having a hard time moving forward without my partner. I still can't imagine not hurting.
It's awful....theres really no better way to say it. And its really tough seeing people all around you that seem so happy. But, there are also plenty of people out there who have and are there. So, my suggestion is to do just what you are doing, seek out the support of others who know your pain all to well.
That's why I'm here. My friends and family have had just about enough of my whining and warned me of reconciling 7 years ago. They don't want to hear it. They think I am nuts for ever having loved him at all.
Hello,
Thanks for the kind words. The pain is definately there and unfortunately so is the depression. I just don't have the ambition that I did before especially the last two days.
I think its safe to say that I'm physically and emotionally tired. I was off work the other day and I sat outside and read, relaxed and napped most of the day. It was relaxing but not very fulfilling. So I thought I'd come back to this site for some encouragement and advice.
It actually seems like I'm having an emotional relapse back to when we seperated. I wonder why.
I think separation is prolonged suffering, kind of like cancer. I will question the logic of my separating for a long time, since I am ultmately getting a divorce anyway. I think I could have put an end to my marriage in 2002 when we first separated, but here I am 9 long years later, crying over the same broken man. I am sorry for your relapse. I think that it is like the normal stages of grieving and you move through each one in your own time, but sometimes when you think a stage is over, you fall back to it.
Why are you scared? If seperation was getting easy to deal with? Is it the final financial negotiations? Did you have the hope of getting back together? I am in the middle of financial negotiations and I can't wait till this is all done with. I want to cut off all communications with this man because he is unhealthy all the way around. My 2 young kids don't need a bad role model around. But b/c he is their dad, I don't fight the want of him to have visitation. But I am fighting custody, b/c he can't handle them. I need closure so I can move forward. I see in postings everyone is struggling with leaving their loved one even after they were mean to them. A lot of you are so forgiving. I wish I could do that, but I can't. My kids come first and always will. He was selfish and fit them into his schedule. His piano and workouts and art were more important than the kids. Put your son first. He will need you. You want to be the best role model for your son, yes? He will thank you and hold you close to his heart. Be the pillar parent for your son. And when his wings are ready to fly, you too will be doing better. One day at a time. Change, is scary. But it can be good too. Where one door closes another opens. Keep busy and get help if you are confused. Talking to a counselor will help tremendously. Strength to you.