Hey again, so I am a BPD in like a "dating relationship". I'

Hey again, so I am a BPD in like a "dating relationship". I'm a girl and she's a girl. I'm wondering if I'm able to handle this kind of relationship because of my ups and downs and insecurity problems. Anyone like to share what it's like to be in a dating relationship as BPD ? lol...I mean dating is something so opposite of what a BPD is able to endure, right? When a BPD needs inssurance and security, a dating relationship is the exact opposite of this. So I wonder if anyone has experience with dating someone and not going out with someone and what that is like? Is it not that bad? Oh and this girl knows I'm BPD but I don't think she knows much about BPD xept that some tend to cut themself (stereotype) but yeah...

It's not bad if you find the right person. It's very hard at times, but BPD is not all bad. With extreme downs there is also extreme ups. So if you find someone who can handle and understand your downs they have the pleasure of experiencing your ups.

1 Heart

@cd514 thanks I agree. But I’m guilt tripping myself by thinking, she deserved someone better without those “downs”, you know.

I know exactly what you mean. BPD has caused a ton of problems in my relationship, but WE are learning to cope with it. I feel she deserves someone better than me, but I use those feelings to fuel me and make me want to do everything I can to make her happy. At the end of the day we both know what we have is once in a lifetime and we're both willing to work past everything, even BPD.

@cd514 yes!!! I true that. I feel exactly the same. I want her to stay and I let her know that. I just still can’t believe that there is a woman out there strong enough for me, like mentally. It’s heaven on earth for me when things are going well (and a living hell when it’s not but yeah). Your words hit home <3

Educate her. Find some websites that explain BPD in a way you resonate with and have her read them. Do your best to tell her what you need from her. Most of all let her know about your abandonment issues. Tell her how you may overreact to real or imagined slights. How much fear you feel. Tell her how to help you when you feel these things and what to do if you freak out and bail. Trust takes time! New relationships are scary. We want to badly to connect with others, but then we live in fear of losing that and are constantly vigilant for any signs of abandonment. Yet, some people are actually willing to take that on. Give her tools to use to help you feel safe. Be honest.

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@SnoGlobe yes, I’ve been trying to tell her. She said she’s sick of trying to prove me something and that she can’t change the way I think. I’ve noticed that she only lashes out like that when I’m about to leave her (so I won’t be left first). And I noticed that she’s someone to keep. I’m very lucky. And we both agreed that I should tell her more what’s going on with me because she can’t read my mind. So she is a very eager learner. A little problem is that she doesn’t like reading. In fact she hates it. So I would be obligated to tell her about it. Well, I guess we end up discussing things instead. so heads up for this:) I’m happy as it is that she sticks with me the way I am and that she’s down to it, when it comes down about learning about me.

My fiance and I learn about, study BPD together. My ups and downs both are seen by him. But since I have been working to improve myself, strengthen our communication, our relationship has gotten 100% better

1 Heart

With or without disorders a relationship can be hard. Just try to understand each other, be kind, and be patience.