Hey everyone, anyone. So I've been getting panic attacks a

Hey everyone, anyone.
So I've been getting panic attacks and anxiety attacks since I was 16 when there was a drug induced whopper of an attack which ended in an ambulance ride and a sedative shot in the ***. Now, 10 years later, they still come and go, mostly they stay though. This winter has been really devastating, it's like im living a nightmare, or I'm realizing that life IS this inescapable nightmare. I have screaming violent panic attacks routinely about 6-7 nights a week and I don't know how to cope.
I mostly just try to distract myself with a funny television show or a weird website but that creates unmaneagability in my life as well.
It's difficult, if not impossible to keep regular sleeping hours because the attacks keep me up.
I am in recovery from drugs and alcohol so any of the good antianxiety meds are out of the questions
Every other medication gives me severe restless leg syndrome and I wake up so groggy and lethargic that I need so much extra caffeine just to feel normal which probably induces more panic and anxiety.
I need to talk to a therapist about it but it is the hardest thing to do... just thinking about talking about it is sending me into a tailspin...
I don't feel like killing myself or anything but I just want the nightmare to end.
Everyday I feel very real and very intense terror like nothing I've ever heard anyone else experience.
My friends, family, and partner don't know what to do... there's not much they can do. And it makes me want to cry to see how worried and helpless they are.
I know I am not a burden to them but dammit it is hard to remember. And I just wish I could give more of myself to those I love and to my life.

-I have screaming terrorifying panic attacks every night and dont know what to do!

hello there. I am too have panic attacks. It is a life of torture. I am sorry that you have to go through this. I know first hand, how debilitating panic attacks can be. You are not alone. Prayer & fasting can help. Also, if you go on You Tube, there are many meditations, meditation music that I find helpful. Can you drink chamomile tea? I find sipping on some can be helpful. Some people find help with a product called: "AnxiousLess". It is found in health food stores and also online. Another person find that a product called "Calm" from Wal Mart helps them. Are you taking your vitamins, especially Magnesium, B12 & potassium, B6 & other B vitamins. If not, this is something to consider. You would be surprised how simple lack of certain vitamins can affect us.
Hope you getting to being better. If you would like to talk, I am here.

Thank you. Yes, it is hard to be that vigilant about my health all of the time. I should incorporate more vitamins and buy some more tea. It is just frustrating how perfect and routined I need to make my day in order to have less panic and anxiety. Nothing has ever worked to get rid of them completely, not even xanax and alcohol. But I think with a strict schedule, diet, exercise regime, regularity, and fulfilling social/work life I may get to a place of more peace and serenity. But this takes years of diligent practice, and panic attacks prevent me from even getting there.
It is all so hopeless feeling. Like I am going to suffer for years for me to just have them less often, or who knows, maybe non of this will work... Idk.
Its good to just talk about it and have someone validate exactly how debilitating this thing is.
Thank you for listening

Have you been seeking treatment? This sounds like it is much too much to deal with alone.