Hey everyone,
I'm new to SG, but I'm glad there're groups like this available. I've been with my boyfriend for 4 years, and for the last year, our relationship has been tumultuous because my boyfriend's addiction has taken over everything. He's been addicted for about a year and a half, maybe two years, but I didn't know before someone told me. He smokes it, so I never saw physical evidence of what I would think to look for. Now I'm hyper-aware, and he says he wants to get clean, but there's never a good time (i.e. he has to have a little to be able to do well in school, he has to have some to make it through the day at work... etc.) Now it's at the point though where I've been finding makeshift pipes hidden all over my apartment. I don't want to leave him, because I love him, but I can't make him get help, or help himself. I feel a lot of resentment towards him, and I don't know what the best thing I can do to help is. Any suggestions on what I can do? I would call his parents for help but in the past they've made things worse, unintentionally.
Hey there, lots of hugs and support to you. I think you have so much insight and knowledge, especially at this point to truly know that nothing you can do can MAKE him want to change. That, I think is the toughest lesson for anyone to truly come to terms with. What might be a really great avenue for you is going to some local al-anon meeting in your area. Because, I think it is really important to be able to be there, and still have love between people while not enabling addiction. I think it is a really fine line, but one worth exploring. He is really lucky to have you in his life. Please keep us updated on how things go with you!
@Aura82 Thanks:) The last few days have been wild, and I feel like they will hopefully spearhead his journey into sobriety. He was arrested the other day, and got a possession charge. I looked into where I can go to an Al-Anon meeting nearby- I will try to go to one. I feel self-conscious about, though. Strange. Is it possible to maintain a relationship with someone who is actively using?? You’re right, it is a fine line. I want him to be able to talk to me about his addiction, and when he relapses, and all the secretive things happening in his life, but I get upset, and react, and I need to know how to handle the things he says without making them personal.
I’ll make it a point to go to a meeting. Maybe a friend will come with me, the first time at least. In the meantime, do you think it’s best to keep him near me, or to actively put space between us? I never know where to draw the line. I guess I’m afraid of what will happen, either way.
Thanks again for your response.