Hey everyone. I'm new to this group, and the site in general

Hey everyone. I'm new to this group, and the site in general. I'm here because my boyfriend of 6 months is in recovery for heroin addiction. When we first met and started dating, he was a couple months into a relapse after two years of being clean; he has been battling his addiction for quite a while. I came into his life at a real crossroads: he was being forced to enter rehab because of a DUI conviction, to avoid jail time. Of course, I didn't know this at first: for the first two months of our relationship, he did his best to hide his addiction from me, and told a lot of lies, because he was afraid of losing me (understandably). Eventually he came clean, because he had to.

I've been supporting him, and our relationship has been growing stronger as he moves through stages of recovery. Currently, he is in a long-term inpatient rehab. He's served about 40 of the 90 days. Despite his commitment to bettering himself, I do not trust him completely. I feel fairly certain that, even though I know about his addiction now, there is a lot he did not tell me because he is ashamed. He also has the tendency to be manipulative, which I do not abide. I've been maintaining strong boundaries with him, which is good for me, but he pushes a lot and it strains the relationship.

In about a week I'll be making the trip to his rehab for a family visit. From my understanding, it's pretty extensive. I'll be sitting with him in group therapy, and he'll likely be making amends with me. I'm pretty scared that he's going to tell me things that are going to be shocking and hurtful. I'm prepared to be forgiving, because I know what a struggle addiction is, but I can't help but be afraid in anticipation of the pain that might come of this.

Has anyone been in a similar situation?

Welcome to SG! Know that you are not alone here. Although I haven't had to go to my guy's rehab for amends, I'm in a relationship with an addict....2 years now. Nope, not clean. I'm sorry that he wasn't completely honest with you in the beginning, however I gotta give him credit for telling you. Addiction for a lot of addicts is shameful...especially to admit they're still using. It's good that you're keeping your boundaries. Keep it up. It's also a great sign that you are going in so he can be honest with you. It shows progress and that he is willing to be vulnerable with you. Being with an addict isn't easy. It can be quite the roller coaster ride. If you need to talk, I'm here.

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@Justwanttobeloved thank you so much for the positive reinforcement and support. Although we haven’t been together too long, it’s already been quite the ride. I agree that he’s making great progress but even so it’s not easy. Thanks again :slight_smile:

Welcome to SG (= I was with my bf for almost 7 years - for 5 1/2 of those years he was addicted to heroin as well. It is a TOUGH battle and a long road for recovery. I am really not trying to scare you, but you have to have a tough skin & be very willing to work on this journey with him. That's awesome that he is in a long term inpatient rehab, I hope your able to get more family visits with him, they will be helpful for you & him, you as well should look into Al-non meetings, get more knowledge of heroin & addiction, so you know signs & how to work on trusting him. He cant come back home & you not be more trusting and questioning him, that's a sure way for him to say "f u c k it and relapse". As I said before I'm not trying to scare you, just tell you the reality of what being with a addict can be. They all are great people who just have a disease to addiction, it takes a hard loving person to be with them & stick by them through the worst. It would be awesome if you can be that person, but it's alot of work. I did it and I dont regret one minute of it since I really loved my boyfriend, just the part of my story is addiction did take his life =(

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@iMissyou89 I’m so sorry to hear about your boyfriend :frowning: mine actually lost his ex to an overdose. What you say about trust is interesting. It’s definitely a big sticking point for him that I don’t trust him without question (I have my own issues that have been compounded by the situation) but I feel it’s unrealistic for him to expect me to when he spent the first several months lying to me and there’s still so much I don’t know. I hear you though: I get that it will be important for him to see his progress reflected in our dynamic. Im seeing now that building trust needs to be a priority. Thank you for sharing your story, and for your input :slight_smile: