Hey. For a while I've felt like i'm dying slowly. It started

Hey. For a while I've felt like i'm dying slowly. It started when my friends mother passed away from what the doctors suspected to be cancer, barely a month passed by and one of my close family friends was suddenly diagnosed with lung cancer (he passed away a week later). Since that time I've been extremely anxious about getting cancer, I wasted most of my days just being stressed and worrying about developing cancer. A few months passed and it seemed like I had my anxiety under control but I got very sick during the winter season and was left with a dry cough that wouldn't go away for months which drove me into a state of panic. Right now its not just cancer that I'm terrified of but also heart disease, lung failure, strokes, aneurysms and heart attacks especially. I realized how fragile I am as a human being and it scares immensely. I've wasted so much of my life just being scared and sleeping to escape the fear, my academic life has suffered, I've lost contact with a lot of people, It's difficult to enjoy anything that used to interest me because I'm constantly thinking about death. The reason I feel like I'm dying slowly is because I'm starting to develop some physical effects as well. I am now constantly aware of my heart beat, I feel it shaking me all the time which makes me feel like its about to give in at anytime. I don't breathe as easily as I used to which makes me think I have a lung disorder. Every time I feel dizzy or I forget something I start panicking about brain cancer or alzheimers. I'm only 20 years old and reasonably healthy so I know that the statistics of developing these diseases are In my favour but It doesn't help my anxiety because I'm aware of the reality of all of them. I'm angry at myself because I let my anxiety get out of control so quickly and now it feels like its ruling my life. I've tried to deal with it by learning to accept the reality of death and just focus on living my life but there's so much I want to do and say to people but I'm terrible at communication. What scares me the most is I don't know how my parents will cope if I die suddenly, I love them both to bits and don't want my death to destroy their lives. They've done so much for me even though I've mostly been a disappointment. I only want the opportunity to make them proud and show them that they've done enough for me. I can only imagine how it must feel to lose a son and I don't want that for them. I've been trying to cope with these feelings on my own because I really hate it when people worry about me ( It makes me feel like a burden ) but today for the first time in years I broke down and cried in my room which made me realize that I cant handle this on my own despite how much I want to. I'm not comfortable sharing these feelings with anyone I know so I just wanted to share these feelings online, as a start at least.

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@YodaFromStarTrek Welcome to SG! You will meet many wonderful people here, fondly called SG friends. The bottom of the page is a FAQ, it will assist you in navigating the site. The top right of the page are numerous groups, also there is a Support Someone icon, familarized yourself with them. You may join as many groups as necessary. There is an Anxiety group. SG friends are here, to support, and be supported. Be strong the best is yet, to follow.....

@Irma Thank you so much, it feels good to finally share these feelings. Just writing them down felt incredible. I’m looking forward to supporting this community.