Hey i new

Hey i new

Hey welcome to support groups hope you find what you're looking for

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@Duck95 thanku are you new

Hello zo_meeson:
For those of you who are new to our Group, I would like to introduce myself, I am Marlene, the Moderator for this Group and I am very happy you decided to join us! At the bottom of this page there is a "FAQ" that may answer any questions you may have; if not, please let me know and I will forward your questions onto the Support Groups Site Management. Also, at the top of this page there is a link, "Groups" that lists all the Support Groups available to join on this Site. If I can be of any help, just let me know. Once again, WELCOME!
Marlene1105, Moderator

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Thankyou duck95 i do too

@zo_meeson no I'm not I've been on her for about 3 months now but I don't post a whole lot as I rarely get any comments/ support so I just comment and look at others post. If you'd like someone to talk to though I'm here in case you need to vent or just would like someone to get acquainted with on here.

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@Duck95 aww that so kind thankyou and same to you aswell their is another site somular to this one it called friendinneed check it out if you want and yee would be lovly to talk more if you would like to aswellxx

Hello. Same here.

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@precious gold thankyou i zoe

@Parent18 my nane is zo or zoe thankyou :smiling_face:

Hey Duck, Parent18, Precious Jade and zo meeson - hello. Terrible night for me. Sometimes I dip down into the darker zones of depression and tonight is the night. Feeling pretty pointless - can't figure out why I"m even here on the planet since Planet Earth seems done with me. No jobs, no dates, well - my cat still loves me. She leaves me alone when I"m watching TV and wouldn't mind petting her but she wants ALL my attention the minute I'm doing something -- like typing or sewing. Need to get sewing tonight - put on a self help inspirational CD --- and just crank out some stuff to sell. Once I have my online store up and running and some money is coming in, I'll feel a lot better about everything. I'll feel like I don't suck at life.

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@LizaBLUE hi hun i also got a cat always wanting fuse and attention but also have depression and other health issuss like @precious gold 95 sad you dont suck at life or suck at anythink we all have the ups and down some more then others but these will nake you stronger and keep your chin up and keep smiling you get through the dark days and when you do life will seem a bit better and brighter :slight_smile: hugs and never give up on you or lige even though it will get hard xxxx

LizaBLUE. You don't suck at life considering that you are still going. There is a reason that you are here. Everyone around you would miss you if you were gone. I wish you luck on your store. Keep me updated.

Thanks. Not sure everyone would miss me if I was gone. I don't feel especially cherished. Everyone is busy with their own successful lives. Sometimes I think that's why people kill themselves -- to see if people will miss them and that's kinda funny because they're NOT AROUND to see. But no - I could never do that. I think about it - even think about how I would do it -- but I know I never would. I had a health thing pop up a few days ago and luckily the doctor had perscribed the BIG ANTIBIOTIC GUNS should the thing come up again --- (acute diverticulitis) so I had those on hand and just started taking them. Deadly infection gone. But I remember thinking that if the antibiotics didn't work -- then in a few days I wouldn't have to worry anymore about finding a job that actually pays the bills, about filing for bankruptcy, about never finding love, about my daughter not liking me anymore... no worries once you're dead. I guess that's the allure of suicide. No more problems - at least not for you. But for the survivors - it's horrible. I would really hate to think of causing my nieces sadness that they didn't do something to help me. Funny how I think of them first - and not my daughter. I guess I feel like my daughter would be relieved like, 'great, I don't have to deal with her anymore!' I journaled tonight about it --- I can't figure it out. I was a loving, nurturing, caring, thoughtful, creative, involved parent. I put her needs ahead of my own. Now she doesn't need me or even want me. Doesn't call to see how I'm doing -- she knows I'm struggling. It feels like she doesn't care. That's really hard to take. I know she's busy with work and her baby and her other baby-- her grown up unemployed bf. But she NEVER wants to do anything with me. Ever. Even when I had a husband and a baby and job --- I still had time for my dear old dad. When he stopped by, I made coffee for him and we sat down and had a great chat. I invited him for dinner at least once a month. He was part of our lives. I am not, apparently, part of her life -- because she doesn't want me there. I can't figure it out. It's hard to be so invested in someone's happiness (your only child) and then have them just not need you -- at all. I'm trying to be relaxed about it -- give her space or whatever she needs. But it hurts. It probably wouldn't be quite so bad but added to an already overflowing bucket of crap, it's just more than I can take. And this is my sore spot too -- all my life I've felt unloved and so what do I get in life? A husband who just can't be bothered to love me and a daughter who grows up into someone who just can't love me either.

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@LizaBLUE i can relate to what you said if you ever need a chat i am here 4 you and i here to listern and support you

@lizaBLUE didn't log onto sg until just now, I'm sorry to hear that you're going through so much pain I think one of the most important things you can do is to accept that your daughter isn't you. She isn't as caring and compassionate as you are and because of that you are not a priority to her and thats just how some people are and although it hurts not everyone we love is meant to be in our lives. Its going to be really hard but I think after you are able to accept that you will be able to move on. I know how it feels to be unloved as I myself have no relationship with other people however i read this post somewhere that even if you're alone you don't have to be lonely and sad. Spend time on yourself and your self growth. I'm on winter break from school right now but I've also just recently applied and got a job and on my spare time I am trying to learn a different language and I come on here to offer my support to people. Its little things that make you feel fulfilled and happy you don't have to be sad. Theres happiness in the sun rise, the moon, a fresh breeze, a childs laugh. You just have to look hard. Please don't give up.

@Duck95 - Thank god you show up Duck to offer support. Yeah, my daughter isn’t me. After my mom died when I was 18 — I was so sad and so – when my daughter was born 13 years later, it was a chance for me to be back in that mother-daughter relationship - as the mom, this time. That mother-daughter thing is so important to me — but, as you say, she may or may not share my values. She might just love me in her own way. If I need more – well, have to just deal with the fact that I’m not getting it. I get what I get. She has her own family and I do realize that’s her priority — but loving your mom and caring for your family are not mutually exclusive. I think it’s mostly her anti-social, prickly boyfriend who is driving the wedge between her and her family. He doesn’t get along with anyone – except her apparently — and so he isolates himself. That’s also due to a wide variety of emotional problems. SHe used to be so fun and outgoing and happy and friendly — now she’s shutting down and isolating – just like him. I think she hussles me out of their house the minute I get there becasue she knows he doesn’t like me to be there (I don’t take it personally - he doesn’t like ANYONE to be there). As a mean joke I thought about organizing a family flash mob at their house for Halloween. Everyone would just SHOW UP with one element for the party - drinks, chips, cookies etc… and then just party like it’s HALLOWEEN. It would freak her boyfriend out. ANd she’d be mad at me even though it’s Halloween and people do come to your door to trick or treat. These people would just want in. I thought it would be funny but ended up not doing it. See— I’m THAT respectful of her stupid choice to isolate herself from family. Every year the family gets together at my step-mom’s for new year’s day. I told my daughter and her bf (and baby) they’re invited but the bf tells me they have other plans. “Other plans”? They never leave the house and have no friends. I’ll bet their other plans involve playing online computer games - to which he is addicted. Probably why he won’t get a job – it would mess up his game playing time. I’d like to add that my daughter is 26 and the guy is about 40. He’s basically ruined my family. He’s almost middle aged yet has the emotional maturity of a 15 year old.

@lizABLUE it great that you don't have to really worry about your health anymore. Honestly, your daughter may not be there, but it's almost impossible to not live your mother. A person only has one. I am sorry that you are not getting the support you need from your husband. Just think that you do have your nieces who love and cherish you. I may not know you, but you do have my support.

@precious gold — You misunderstood my post. Generally I am healthy however, the health scare was a bout of acute diverticulitis which, if untreated can result in death via runaway infection (sepsis) pretty quickly. DEATH was the point at which I (joked) I wouldn’t have to worry about anything anymore. Also - no husband. Whenever I talk about my 21 years with him, I refer to him as my ‘husband’ because he was at the time. Now of course he’s my ex. But true enough - I never did get much support from him and when you’re married, you kinda expect it. And you’re RIGHT — it is almost impossible not to love your mom. Even if she’s a complete whack job – or parasite or horrible person. People still tend to love their mothers. I just feel so down because I thought I did everything right — was a caring, devoted, creative, nurturing mom – was a hard-working, honest, creative, collaborative, easy-going employee ---- I was even a good wife, allowing my husband to play his stupid endless online games instead of participate in family life or married life — and it’s all gone. Well, the divorce was all my doing. He wanted to stay married and I can’t blame him: I provided him many fine services while he played his online games. But after 25 years of working — now no one will hire me. After 26 years of being a a devoted mom — she can’t be bothered. Hard not to feel there’s something fundamentally wrong with me. I have a lottery ticket and I’ve thought about it: if I won, I would, without word to anyone, go off on a long solo vacation and see all the places I’ve been wanting to see. And let them all wonder where I’ve gotten to. The downside to winning the lottery – the people who are not here with me now that I’m down — would be crawling out of the woodwork to hang out with me. Creepy. My nieces are wonderful sweet caring girls - young women actually — but they have lives of their own. One of them I’m meeting at the library tomorrow so that will be fun. I’ve decided that what won’t be fun is going to a new year’s eve party I’ve been invited to. I feel like I look like shit and I dread the idea of talking to people long enough to have them ask me what I’m up to these days. “Selling off everything I own to make ends meet!” That’s awkward. Also, it’s just going to be too hard for me to see everyone being so casual about their financial sucess, their careers, their fantastic relationship, their wonderful kids. And I’m this train wreck. I had thought to go in order to ‘network’ – you know, that thing that’s supposed to be the thing that gets you the jobs. But if my friends don’t think enough of me to set me up on dates – now that I’ve been single for 6 years – they’re sure not going to think of me for jobs they know about. I just feel like emotionally, I don’t think I can handle it. I’m going to drive UBER all night anyway and try to make some money since that lottery thing hasn’t worked out. Yet. Thanks for YOUR support Precious Gold. I really appreciate it. Sorry for wrecking your eyes with my long post

I understand how tempting in must be when you think nobody cares anyway. But it's your mind playing tricks on you, unfortunately they do care! On one hand I would like for it to be all over, but on the other hand my conscience and the innate instinct to survive, inherited from stone age are stronger...