Hey SG, so I haven't been on here for a long time, several y

LGBTQ+ Sexual Orientation Exploration
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Hey SG, so I haven't been on here for a long time, several years at least. A lot has changed since then, but things have been much better for me since I last frequented the site. I'm starting grad school in the fall, and I've been going steady with my first boyfriend for two years now, which is the reason I'm reaching out on here again. We're at the point in our relationship where
things are getting serious, and I'm a little nervous about it. I came out as gay at 21, and I met my boyfriend, whose 6 years older than me, about half a year later on an online dating site. After a few months dating, he admitted that he loves me, and has been falling harder for me ever since. I was slow to warm up to him since I'd never been in a relationship before. I've grown closer to him since then, but I think his feelings for me are still much stronger than mine are for him. I've been introduced to his friends and family, who are all starting to get a bit more comfortable with me. I also moved in with him for close to half a year, but had to move an hour's drive away last month for school. We visit each other several times a month, and call/text during the week. Our relationship is sexual and we're really intimate with each other physically. We like watching movies, playing games, eating out, going to concerts and festivals, and taking road trips together.

Now, he's seriously thinking about marriage, dropping subtle hints here and there. He's introduced me at three of his friends' weddings, talked about getting a future house, regularly says he loves me, and once mentioned possibly popping the question. All of this makes me really nervous and hesitant. My greatest fear is can I love him wholly and whether he truly loves
me. If I marry, I don't want there to be any doubt in my heart as to my feelings for him, but I've never been in love before. How do I know if I'm in love with him? How do I know that he's my soulmate? I've never been with other guys before, so I don't have experience with other relationships. My boyfriend has had several brief relationships before, but never a serious, long-term one like this. We both fulfill the need for a committed, intimate partner, but is this really love?

I know that I always greatly looked forward to when he came home from work when we still lived together, and that feeling has intensified now that we're apart. I'm rarely bored with him, and take pleasure doing things with him I normally wouldn't on my own. I love how he plays my body when we're intimate, his nibbling, biting, and groping. We often lay in bed holding each other, our bodies entwined. We never tire of kissing each other everywhere. He's also physically strong, caring, attentive, responsive, supportive, and understanding. He doesn't expect anything from me except my love and affection. I'm comfortable being myself, flaws and all, with him, and I'm still with him despite his flaws and occasional fights we've had. He's a rather selfless person, thinking about others before himself, and he's great with kids because of his nieces. He's gone back to school after my encouragement to learn a trade, and he respects my interests and career goals.

We've been together this long, yet it doesn't feel that long at all. Looking back, I realize how far we've come, and I anticipate with excitement each time we get to be together again. Maybe he will be my first and last boyfriend...Please, anyone, I'd greatly appreciate your thoughts and advice.

4 Hearts
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It sounds like you have met a fabulous man and have already answered your question, you love him, so regardless of the fact that he is your first, why would you give him up just to search and see IF there is anyone any better or someone you could love more?

1 Heart
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It sounds like you two have something special there. I know friends who've fallen in love in that mad head-over-heels way I've only heard about in stories, who realised once the initial 'honeymoon period' was over that they weren't all that well suited to each other. There are different sorts of love and while giddy exiting love is great while it lasts the kind of love where you're compatible with someone long term, where your feelings grow over time, you enjoy each others company and feel comfortable together is much more lasting. Personally I think what you have sounds like real deep caring, and like you make a very good couple. You've already tried living together which seems to have gone well. and your feelings seem to be groing stronger still, rather than an immediate infatuation followed by realising that it isn't actuall all that great. All in all it sounds like a really good relationship and one that could last... I'm not that keen on the idea of marriage myself, I certainly wouldn't advide rushing into it if you're not sure, but then that's what long engagements are for right? If you need more time don't be afraid to say that, marriage is a big commitment after all. But I'd certainly be in no rush to end what you have now in favour of imagined possibilities

1 Heart
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I agree. I've kind of been stuck dreaming about "What if's?" and dwelling too much on my doubts, so much so that I haven't really been aware of my deeper feelings towards my boyfriend. I guess I was really wary about having a lasting relationship on the first try, since that usually doesn't happen with people. It takes several tries before you find "the one", but maybe that's not as true as popular belief says. We did have a honeymoon period in the beginning, with lots of sex and physical intimacy. But after that calmed down, we were able to start looking at each other as a person and individual, learning about each others' interests and personalities. As for marriage, I briefly talked about it with him, and he too agreed that we still need way more time before a proposal. That puts me much more at ease for now. I can take my time confirming that this relationship will work and last. Thanks for the advice, Davii!

1 Heart
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@Lone Goat That’s great that you spoke to him about how you’re feeling. Taking your time before taking a step like that is important.
Whatever decisions we make in life there will always be ‘what if’s’. Sometimes it’s a good idea to change things to see what else could happen, but if you’re happy the ‘what if’s’ aren’t necessarily a better option.
As for finding ‘the one’ I think that’s different for everyone and every relationship, there’s no hard n fast rule to go by. I think the only rule in relationships is go with what seems to work and make us happy. And all relationships need work, they’re an ongoing project, they’ll have their ups and downs, if both people put in the work, communicate well, and really care about each other they have a very good chance at working out.
Wishing you all the best mate

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I am so happy for you my friend.

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@Confusedcious Thank you for your support!

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This was really good for me to read. I have some similar concerns about a relationship I'm in now. I came out 6 months ago, and I am in love with the man I was first intimate with, and he loves me back. It is beautiful, but hard because we live a couple thousand miles apart, although we are going to live much closer (within a couple hours) when I start graduate school in the fall. I have never loved anyone like I love him and I believe he feels the same way, but I feel that it is too soon after coming out for me to get serious with someone. Would you be up for messaging about this sometime? Based on your post, I think your perspective would be really helpful to me. Thank you so much for sharing!