Hey, so I'm new to this and idk if I'll come on here often b

Hey, so I'm new to this and idk if I'll come on here often but I need to talk to someone. I hate myself and my life. My dad died of AML (Acute Myeloid Leukaemia) last August and since then everything's been awful. I was obviously grieving for a few months, but then in Feb of this year my thoughts turned to suicide and I just realised how pointless everything was. I started seeing a councillor and with the help of my girlfriend and other friends I started to get better. I realised I was no longer in love with my girlfriend in June and broke up with her, leading to her becoming suicidal and eventually being admitted into a psychiatric hospital. I became close with another girl and my other friends, but because of a plethora of things, they didn't help that much. 3 weeks ago my friends left me and removed me from their group, including the girl I was close to and often talked to about my problems, leading to me feeling completely isolated from everything, and having no motivation to go to school or do work in general. I have nothing to live for, and the only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because my mum and sister would miss me too much. I have dreams and aspirations, but they're all too far off for me to care much about them, and everything feels lacklustre at best.

1 Heart

I'm so sorry you've been feeling this way. Friends will always come and go. I understand it hurt really bad sometimes. You need to know it's not you, it's them. I'm very sorry about your dad too. You can always find a friend on here. I only have one actual friend and two on here. I know how you feel about suicide and yes, if you leave your family will be crushed. You mum and sister seem to care and love you. Why not spend more time with them? You may find yourself feeling happier.

Sometimes everything is colored grey. Especially after highly emotional times like you've had. Give yourself a chance to grieve. Your father's death wasn't that long ago. And allow some time for all this to settle down. You've been through some tough times, my friend. Time to take it easy on yourself. Hang in there

So what's the plan?