Hi All, I came on here when my other half cheated on me but

Hi All, I came on here when my other half cheated on me but overlooked the Anger part of this site so here it goes.

I have a very disfunctional relationship with anger. It's gotten me in to plenty of trouble over the years, typically bar fights that have resulted in arrest or fights when I was in school and the subsequent trouble that would cause but on the flip side, I feel the "edge" it gives me has also helped me, certainly due to the fact I'm from a very rough and poor background, a place where you have to fight or you'll be bullied or worse.

I've explored it a lot, I've had professional help over the years and I'd say I have a decent amount of control but I have my moments. Fast forward to the present and I've been with my partner for 5 years, we met and got pregnant very quickly so were thrust in to a highly pressured relationship practically from day one.

We've made some huge adjustments over the years but admittedly I've had my moments where I've lost it. She's a very difficult person to live with, we're actually exploring the possibility, and in fact the doctor has confirmed she has adult ADD. Obviously I mentioned earlier, she's cheated on me recently and I've caught her texting over the course of our relationship too.

Here's the thing, I've slapped her 5 times in our relationship, I've never beaten her, I've never lashed out and gone to town, I've slapped her once in the heat of the moment and instantly regretted it, but it's happened 5 times most recently a few months back (about 2 months after she cheated).

Because I can have an aggressive nature and lose my temper to a point where I might use the wrong words i.e. "you're a bone idle bi!ch" if I think she's been lazy she's had enough and left.

She's saying its unacceptable and I agree, I don't want to be like that nor do I want to create that environment but equally I can't take full accountability. She is a nightmare, I have full financial burden, I have to remind her to clean, pay bills and 9 times out of 10 I'll end up having to finish her incomplete tasks.

It results in me having a lot of pressure, and I don't think the calmest person could deal with her but she's now saying she's leaving unless I can own the fact I've slapped her and that its domestic abuse, even though she's lashed out at me and drawn blood over the years on numerous occasions.

I'm trying to explain to her that I'm happy to go back to therapy and work on my anger more but she needs to start to improve and she doesn't seem to want to accept that she plays her part in things getting how they get.

I've tried to explain as best I can so if you've had time to read I welcome your advice.

Thanks,

Bray

2 Hearts

Get some marriage counselling. This may be too late to save. If you can't stop hitting each other, one of you will have to move out. Get help immediately. Don't wait til the next fight. Good luck !

we're not constantly hitting each other its happened on average once per year and its usually 1 slap... there's no savage beatings, just an initial loss of temper and lash out. Of course counselling is fine, the problem I have is she wants to put it all on me and not take responsibility for any of her misgivings

Any hitting is bad hitting, it's not right it's not little there's no such thing. Name calling same thing. She's cheated ... she's texting others. Is she really someone you trust now? . I would let her go ,take a break, get some counseling and see if there's trust and a relationship still there to save. If you read back what you wrote your relationship sounds like you'd be better off single. . Just a thought

4 year old and one on the way... makes it a little tricky

Sorry,having a baby witness that should make it easier. I left when mine was 8 mnths ..we got back when he was 4. Whole other drama. If she's cheating while pregnant? ?? Again is the relationship salvageable? Im sure either way sucks ,which way do you get to keep from losing your mind. Can you imagine 2 babies and a dirty house .Screaming kids and the wife cheating . After you've been working all day ,no dinner ,dirty house checking her phone losing your temper on and on and on. Then someone ends up in jail for domestic whatever, all from losing the temper. Just saying it seems difficult now it's a nightmare later .Don't stay because of the kids leave FOR the kids.

I get where you're coming from, there's resentment there but we still love each other.

It's never as cut and dry as it sounds but you're right in many ways. I've got therapy for my anger booked (again) on Tuesday so will see how that goes and just bide my time. She's at her mum's for now... tough tough situation

I get it I don't mean to sound so finger shaking good luck take care...remember the kids see how you conduct yourself and a daughter will bring that person home to marry. . You've got a right to be pissed off . I had an ex cheat on me I lit all his **** on fire on our lawn that was before I had my temper under control.......

Ah my friend welcome to married life. Often times our partner tends to focus on our faults instead of theirs. My ex did the same ( though I never ever laid a hand on her I did coment on the fact she was lazy ( never cleaned or worked nor paid the bills it was all left up to me ). Now she used the excuse of depression though she went out every weekend with her party friends ( yes I knew what she was doing but I was busy taking care of our daughter and paying overdue bills with money I had to hide from her so she would not spend it all. Now that being said if she does not want to change or own up it's probably best you call it quits due to the anger you both feel will only escalate and could lead to further violence. Though it did hurt my daughter who was totally innocent it was in my best interest to get the divorce I spent 12 years with her married for almost 10 and I was miserable we tried the talking and the therapist but when one person is not willing to accept accountability than its not going to work. I'm sorry but it's just you cannot just let certain things go

Yeh she's accepting it, but she's making out mine is worse than hers and that's where we're at a cross roads. It frustrates me because take my anger away and she's got nothing to hide behind. I've offered to sit and make plans for us both to sort our issues but I can back down from the fact that I'd have nothing to be angry about if we were equal partners. Anyway, thanks for the advice, therapy should do me some good and I'll just concentrate on work and my boy