Hi all. I live on the west coast and 55. I'm afraid of losin

Hi all. I live on the west coast and 55. I'm afraid of losing my siblings who live in the midwest and are older than me. Im not sure how to tell my family that i am gay. I feel very deceptive about the life i have been living for the past 15 years. I always tried to be the perfect son, youngest of 7 and on my own since 18. My parents have both passed on and im tired of living a lie. Any advice? Should i come out to them all via letter? Im afraid they will feel betrayed but for all i know they already know deep down ive always been this way.

Welcome to SG!
I found this post in the Support Someone feed and it reminded me of a friend of mine that is about your age. I worked with him several years ago and he was trying to live a double life. We all knew that he was gay and accepted him because he was really a great guy. He would work so hard at trying to hide the truth about himself and as a result put himself in some dangerous situations. He went to a Psychiatrist who told him he needed to find a woman and marry her to get on with his life. He obviously wasn't honest with the Psychiatrist. Years past and he reached a point where he wanted to be open with people so he went around the community sharing with people that he was gay. Everyone knew it but took the time to listen.

At this point in your life you feel the need to open up about something you have tried so desperately to hide. Perhaps you just want to feel normal again. Is there one of your sibs that you have been closer to than the others? You could open to one and see the reaction and then ask how you could best open up to the others. Chances are they already know, but you need to do this for you. It's your welfare that is really the most important.

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@Ducktape thank you. yes i think i will start with my sister who I am close to.