Hi all Im the wife of an a fantastic man who suffers with ED

Hi all Im the wife of an a fantastic man who suffers with ED, he was dyegnosed with diabetes back in 2004 ED came soon after. Would love to speak with other wifes or sufferers of ED.

1 Heart

My husband suffers from it too. At first I thought it was me. I lost half my body weight in hopes it would help him be more attracted to me. I'm struggling really bad myself, not feeling sexy or attractive.... Not sure if I'd be of much support for you.

@Really92591 If He Can masterbate then he’s still sexual. Encourage him to MASTERBATE with you. Sorry about the caps my phone does that.

My bf has ED. it's annoying bit we manage to have a good time.

He has always refused to masterbate..... because I have always done that for him...
I have a very high sex drive or libido as a result of a medical condition I have. Being sexual with me is overwhelming to him. He can only stay erect with the help of medications that he takes daily and I have to inject him with Testosterone every 10 days. He has every excuse under the sun why he isn't interested in having sex. Even though he says he wants to....

1 Heart

@Really92591 thats complicated. You don’t have 1 issue you have 2.

@Nixie100 He has been off the meds for 2months now because of an new job & new insurance. Out of total frustration dealing with his oral medications now not being a covered benefit. He opted to pay full price for his oral meds all on his own. I made a point for 2months not to complain or make him feel bad that I was getting myself off on my own. He would prefer to avoid sexual contact with me if he knows I can't no matter how long I stroke him or give him a blowjob that he can't even get a little erect.
We agreed years ago not for him to even try to get me off that it was too much pressure for him. But he really wants to be able to get me off by him as before he always could.

@Really92591 The total frustration on my part is him being able to get hard with medications and then pushing me away asking me to wait until later that night. And him not being in the mood so of course even with medication his equipment still wouldn’t respond to me. Its like a mean sick game… I can only be understanding for so long. This is so painful to be rejected

He also has issues about being physically touched. Almost everything I do he says tickles him.... like simply kissing his neck, or arms or anything but his lips & penis. So I am not allowed to be intimate with in any other manner usually....

@Really92591 SOMETHING Is definitely wrong . That sounds like an unhappy man. I would go to couples therapy if I were in your shoes. Sounds like you guys are in crisis…and yeah I wouldn’t put up with that nonsense either.

In the past 3 yrs we have seen 3 different couples counselors & a sex therapist which has put us into even worse debt than ever before.

1 Heart

@Nixie100 I found out my primary love language is Physical touch, more knowledge about the male anatomy then I ever really felt I need to know. Even after all being a Mom & raising two sons of my own.
Found my husband is not interested in allowing a poly relationship as it makes him completely impotent with medication. And that he struggles with being non assertive. I found out there is a medication that I can take that kills my libido completely. I always thought the reason he struggled with letting me be affectate with him was because of the abuse 24 yr marriage he had prior to dating me.

We aren't really sure. He's taken it twice & 1st time it was Words of Affirmation w/ a two way tie for 2nd Acts of service & Quality time.
But then later he took it it came out as Physical Touch with a 2way tie for second as words of Affirmation, Acts of Service.
This time the difference between the primary & the 2nd wasn't that large of a gap.
Where my primary is Physical touch & my next highest is Acts of Service.
The counselors asked him what he thought about it.... And he was reluctant to answer. Felt he identified with Words of Affirmation most. But I after reading the book thought I would score highest in Quality time or Acts of Service. I was really shocked how I scored so high under, Physical touch.

I haven't been tested, i just know that physical touch is what i do. It's also what i crave. I will give my partner what they need so that they will touch me. That's always what i'm after. My partner needs word porn. He wants to know what i'm thinking about him. He's happy when i'm speaking kindly to him. He likes to hear me say his name when i speak to hm. We know this about each other, so we try to trade off what we need. It's become a bit of a dance. He never used to be so affectionate, and now he enjoys it. He's rewarded for it.

I have done everything to praise my husband even more than before.
He can't tell me what he wants after all this therapy. He is just too unassertive about sharing his likes, dislikes, needs or desires. I am still guessing. It hurts me so much. I spend my time getting answers to all this questions by watching patterns. How often he enjoys or doesn't enough my affectation or anything I do or don't do. So in other words I'm winging it & it's breaking my heart.

I wish i could offer something to you besides sympathy. I was with the father of my children for 18 years and he couldn't communicate. I finally gave up. There's nothing more frustrating than living with a stranger. I understand you.

Why do you say he's a fantastic man?

@Nixie100 I was with my first husband for 10yrs before I got the strength to escape with my son’s. My current husband/ 2nd marriage, I thought he was my best friend because I thought he finally accepted me for me & I was allowed & loved for who I am. But it seems he hasn’t been able to ever be completely open about his feelings because he feels deep down they service no purpose.

The original post wasn't written by me. I just commented on it

@Really92591 Oh (blush) that’s right. LOL