Hi all, my husband had a meth addiction for a solid 3 years, a lot happened and it took us almost divorcing before he actually got help and went to rehab. After rehab, things were so much better. I could see the difference in him and his behavior... but slowly it has been going downhill again, probably for the last 8 months I'd say. The lies, the secrets, the long work days, the distance. It's all too familiar. I have tried talking to him about it, but he swears he's stayed clean... hard to believe because he swore he was clean before too. I finally broke down once and asked him to take a drug test, which he failed. He continued to insist he was clean and the test was wrong so he took another the following day, one that he got, and he passed it. Of course I was suspicious about it. That was 2 months ago and it seems like it has just continued to get worse. We've been fighting A LOT lately, mostly because for the past month he is never home. He stays 3 hours late at work (supposedly) - time he isn't getting paid for but are "bank hours". The last few days he hasn't even said goodbye when he leaves for work and then lies about it. He came home one day in the time frame that I was gone to pick up our daughter and tried to say he came home on time but I wasn't home so how would I know. Well I know he was lying because I left 2 hours after he should have been home and he came home in the 30 minute time frame I was gone. I don't really know what to do. I really want to ask for another drug test but I already know he will flip out and say that every time I get upset about something it always circles back to this. I can't help that he used and lied to me for 3 years, and that I worry when I see those same behaviors again. I know it's hard for him to have it brought back up, but I don't want to turn a blind eye to what is possibly really going on just because it might upset him. He put me in this position to not be able to trust what he says and when his actions are no longer trustworthy either, I'm not really sure what else to do but I am not happy and I am suspicious all the time.
@feeling.alone.101 Have you guys considered he go through Ibogaine treatment? That helps with addiction and traumas. Maybe look at other healing modalities (meditation, other plant medicines like ayahuasca, mushrooms, mdma, EMDR, EFT, etc.) if you think he is willing to do the work and improve his situation.
feeling.alone.101, there is help out there for YOU - you cannot force your H into help of any kind, as you well know, so its best at this time to take the time to make sure that you and your child/ren are healthy mentally and physically. Check out these articles that I found that you may be able to relate to: http://bit.ly/2lZ9f8f and http://bit.ly/2km99ax. I am sure there is a lot more information out there, being co-dependent myself, I belong to two different 12 step programs for those affected by loved one's addictions. You may want to check into something like that, too. I will be praying for your family.
Check out narc anon and Al-Anon as resources to help you dealing with an addicted man.
Do you have children? Do you have your own means to live in case he loses his job because of his addiction?
@markhappyguy thanks Mark, I’ve been to a few meetings but they haven’t been terribly helpful, yet. It’s a lot of crying, and others sharing their stories which is nice knowing I’m not alone out here, but not a whole lot of actual help yet. Luckily, yes if he were to lose his job my job would be able to get us by, but it would be tight. His job isn’t in danger, which is one of his reasons as to why I should believe he isn’t using again. As for kids, yes, I have a 14 year old, he has an 11 year old and 9 year old, and we have a 4 year old together. His kids’ mother has not been around for almost 7 years now and I would say that I am left in charge of handling all kid things 90% by myself, which is also difficult when his 2 children and I don’t have a good relationship and they have very bad behavior in general. I’m honestly not sure if he is using again or not, there are a lot of signs there and things have not been going well between us, but perhaps I am just jumping to conclusions. It’s hard having gone down this road before and trying to look at current situations objectively.