hi all, new here. Narcs in my life: my mother and my husband, father of my child. Trying to gather the courage to leave him. But being raised by a narc mother, my codependent self has me yearning for him to love me. Which, of course he can't. He's increasingly mean, aggressive and plain rude. His voice with contempt and annoyance. I am very worried about our 1-year-old and what will happen when I leave and my husband will be able to be with him without me around. My husband was also abused as a child by his mother and his mother is still very much in his life. I'm concerned about my son being around them without me. Husband is also aggressive, not physical yet but wouldn't surpass me. Need advice!!
Suzie85, first of all, so sorry for the terrible situation in which you find yourself. I have been there too, have narc dad and was married many years ago to a narc. We had two daughters and got divorced when they were 9 and 12. I have to tell you, I wish I had done it sooner, when my eldest was 3 and I was pregnant with the younger. It would have been really hard, like this is for you right now, but it would have prevented the damage to them that happened from living with a narc dad. It's true that your son will spend some time with his dad (although FYI after my split, the girls' dad had almost no interest in spending time with them), but that will still be preferable to living with him and being exposed all the time to his and his paternal grandmother's abuse. And regardless of these issues, you need to be free of this man and have a chance at happiness. It sounds like you've done a marvelous job of figuring out what has happened to you, and your part in it as a co-dependent, and your instincts are right. There's no way to make life work out reasonably well when you are living with a narc--they will triumph every time. You don't deserve that! I hope you can put together a practical way to make this happen. It's scary and hard I know. But life can be so much better: I met and married a wonderful man who raised my girls with me and we've been a happy family for over 20 years. Sending you love and support!
Seek professional advice and get out before he becomes physical.