Hi All... new to the feed will write more but I'd like to jo

Hi All... new to the feed will write more but I'd like to join you all as I'm struggling. Four kids ages 20 to 10., home, family business and now a failing marriage. Been separated for 18 months. trying to salvage a marriage of 25 years with no success. Brutal. I'm in so much pain and need to connect with others going thru this hurt. talk about trying to water a dead flower. Still don't understand why my husband would choose this path vs. seek council and recover. We've built so much together. It's going to be very tricky to untangle us. Ugh ... reading all of your stories helps me feel more level headed.

I am so sorry...keep joining us..there is a lot of support here to help you maneuver through the mess

It's hard to tell why he chooses this path. My wife and I had eight children at one point (bio, adopted and foster) and we lost the two foster kids because of all this mess and I begged her to go to therapy, which she did for a couple months, but nothing was going to stop her from divorcing me. I printed her dozens of articles on the negative affects of divorce and she wasn't interested. She was only concerned about herself. He's gonna do what he wants to do until HE changes. You just have to work on you.

Sorry you find yourself here. There are many of us here from long term marriages. As you would expect, it’s very complicated to settle the financial aspect of divorce. At this stage of our lives the expectations of retirement have completely changed. We are all here to support one another.

Sorry to hear the news. I'm only been here for a limited amount of time but I can wholeheartedly tell you the folks on the support group are very helpful and it has been a blessing to be a part of this community. It definitely helped me to sit and talk and no others are going through the same thing or something similar to me.

HI Seastar, I am so sorry. I hear your pain in every word. Four children still in need of their parents and their support. 25 years of sharing everything, your lives are totally enmeshed. So so hard, there is no denying that. I get that it seems it can't get better. I get that it seems dark and impossible. You are grieving and you are numb and you are in shock and you so want it to be different. If you have been separated for 18 months, and it doesn't seem to be getting better, I know you are feeling like it will move to divorce. You didn't say but if you have not been to marriage counseling, you might strongly want to consider that. It may help bring you both back together, but if it doesn't, it will help you both to exit the marriage with respect and with consideration of how to handle the children. Please know that there is A LOT of help out there for those going through this. There are divorce groups, you can also check in with local churches as they often have support groups. You are not alone. As you can see from the other posts, too many go through divorce after a very long-term marriage. It is emotionlly heart-wrenching and it takes time. But please know that you will come out on the other side of this. Rely on trusting family and friends to support and love you through this. Support groups will strengthen you and give you clarity. Of course, the legal process will also guide you. Take one day at a time. Don't get too ahead of yourself, it gets way too overwhelming. You should give yourself the gift of speaking to a counselor on your own, so you always have a safe place to go. I wish you the best. You will be in my prayers.

Hi Seastar, I hear your pain.....4 kids, how did we get here, so much invested......and I am so sorry. My heart goes out to you. I too was separated after 18 years of marriage. ....5 years we were separated.......it is grueling and heart-breaking. It is easy to lose all hope after 18 months. You can't even imagine how this can be fixed. You didnt mention counseling. If he won't go, go for yourself. It is amazing what a change of perspective you can get. Do you have family or a close friend to walk thru this with you? Keep yourself surrounded with those that understand and love you. They can bolster you in those times you feel like you cant make it. I know it is a season of pain and disillusionment, but you will come out on the other side, I promise. There are a lot of helps out there for single moms. Your church family can be such a blessing. Keep calling out to those of us on this site. We will be here for you.