Hi everybody, I'm not too sure where to begin. It's so much carp going on with me. I have no one to talk to. I'm a active drug user going on eight years now. I'm in a domestic violence relationship with the father of my 14 month old son with whom I live with. He doesn't use but enables me to the fullest and at the same time he bashes me and verbally abuses me. He will call me every wrong name in the book, tells me im a horrible mother to my son and just thinks of me as his babysjtter. He tells me everyday he stopped loving and caring for me and regrets me. The only good thing that has ever came from me is my son. He says I bring more hardship to our family then good. The dogs are smarter then me. I bring nothing to our family table but problems.
I'm a stay at home mom while he owns his own construction business. I'm not allowed to leave his house at all. The last time I went somewhere in the car was January 29. We live in farm land so going for daily walks with my son in his stroller is (to him) completely forbidden . He moved me a hour away from My family And Wont Let my son and i visit my MOm because He SAid , he Doesnt want ME To Have Any COntact WIth Any Of MY Family MEmbers From NOw On.
I Want To Pack Up And Leave So Bad, But i Cant Because I Would Be leaving My Son Here With Him. I'm not able to take my son with me because we had a CPS case that was closed and I didn't complete that whole process because he left me at his house while he went to court so it looked bad upon me and now my parental rights are temporarily stopped. And what makes all matters worse is I found out on January 20 that he has a whole double family life. For these whole 3 years I've been seeing him , it was all just a big lie. He actually is the biggest liar I have ever met in all of my 38 years of living. Right after my son was born he would argue with me and kick me out of his house and on 01/20 I found out he purposly started those Argument between Us JUst So He Could MAke mE Leave And THen moved In THat Other FEmale And Had her WAtching My Son. Then I Could only GUess When He Got Tired Of Her , he Made Her Leave Then Brought Me Back. He Did THat like Three Times FRom January - may. And He HAs No Idea I Know Anything About HIs Double Life And Will Still Lie To Me Til This Day And Swear hes A GReat GUy.! I Have No One To Talk To BUt My Son and my bull terrier dog. I'm so miserable and unhappy. And every night when I have to get in bed with him is the worst. I feel like I'm being raped by someone I know, someone I was supposed to trust
I'm sorry everyone, I guess I'm just venting. Thank you everyone who took the time to read this. Bye my Support group family.!
Get off the drugs using Kratom. Once you get clean things will fall into place for you.
@Jennipain I tried suboxen and subutex and each time I’ve asked him to please help me help myself and he purposely brought me down and made that time incredibly hard for me to The point of failing miserably after just a few days.! I have no health ins so for the rest of this day I think I’m going spend it on the internet applying for it. So I can find a program for my son and I to go to. Because quitting at home will not be possible. I know that I will have to do counseling and once I do I will really realize he is completely toxic and unhealthy to me and then I’ll be able to tell him what I know and found out and want nothing to do with him ever again. That’s even if he were to allow me to go to rehab. Thank you jennipain for responding Back to me. It makes me feel special when at least one person can here me and talk to me back. THanks!!!
@Stationary_Transient thank you. I am planning my escape as I write this. Every other night he goes to town on me. He comes home severely angry Becket what happens at his job and will take it out on me. Like last night for example. I sweeped, mopped and waxed the front room floor and also removed all the knee high weeds in the yard so the raffle snakes won’t hide from his dogs in. And I got in trouble for that. I don’t even know why I was getting yelled at for that. Three day’s ago when my son got sick , as always,I got in trouble for that because he said I purposely got him sick probably by having someone over. Because he knows I can’t go anywhere and he locked me in the property without giving me a key to his high gate. So if there was an emergency,I would really be screwed with my son. But now I’m scared. I’m scared of getting caught. He’s really done some damage to me mentally. I know he’s unhealthy for me. I’m just so overwhelmed and frighten of what he would do if he found out or came home unexpectedly. But thanks again. I really do mean that.
Quit him first is right! But non-addicts on this page MUST remember that if that person does not want to stop...your efforts will not affect their drive to quit sadly. I’m an active user myself, and I feel special when I get one response or just one shoulder to cry on. Reach out if you ever need just someone to talk too, I’m in need of it as well. In a relationship as well, this man is not abusive...but still...it is FAR from easy. Please reach out!
@gagirlxx i would love to talk to you. I need someone who can help me in my thinking process. Like they say two heads are better then one. I need to know I’m not overly thinking of rationalizing. Do you mind if I pm you?
I suggest you contact Domestic violence help line. They will give you regular support on how you can best protect yourself whilst trapped in your circumstances. They supported me for months whilst I suffered violence and humiliation. With their ongoing support and after much discussion I explored all my options and eventually planned to leave. They were very gentle and fully understood my the indescribable terror I was undergoing until I safely left my partner. No woman can endure that type of treatment and eventually something has to give the anxiety is so acute it will push you over the edge. Just give them a call you have got nothing to loose and everything to gain.
@reflexion59 thank you reflexion I will absolutely do that and take your advice. And sorry for the horror you had to go thru. This is a humiliating and miserable life to live. And especially having to go thru this all while my 16 month old son watches. More then anything, I don’t need my son seeing this and think it’s okay to treat women the same way. That’s just not cool at all.!
hey Qu1f1re so sorry for your circumstances and I truly hope you find the strength to get away. You have got so much on your plate. I am here for you if you need to talk. Keep as safe as you can.
Hi reflexon I could of sworn I replied back to your comment a long time ago. But thank you so much for showing compassion to me. I was actually coming on here to make a new post about my situation now. I hope you see it and take the time to read it. I would love to hear hour feedback.! I hope all is well on hour neck of the woods. Take care my friend bye.!
@Qu1f1re I can tell you from being an addict that when a person with addiction doesn’t want soberity it won’t happen. They have to be ready an want to stop so until then keep your faith & hope !! It took me 8 years before I got clean an my parents wasted time an money sending me to rehabs cause I stood sober for that time but the minute I came out I was right back you can force some one to stop it has to come within in.