I am in a relationship with a guy whose the same age as me (21) years old and we've being together for 1 year and almost 3 months. Our relationship has being very challenging particularly for me. I've finally came to realise that my boyfriend has narcissistic traits. He has not being diagnosed with it but I'd love for him to seek help however I know for a fact he will not want any help because he will say his fine and nothing is wrong with him.
In the beginning of our relationship we didn't live together. He would travel to me which was only 1 hour and 30 mins away. So we would have the weekend together. He'd arrive late of a Friday night about 7pm which he never had work at this point of time due to him studying but Fridays he didn't have any classes. I was always so fustrated that I was so excited and happy to see my boyfriend - just knowing his coming to stay with me at my parents home, because he never rushed to leave his town early to be at my place when I get home from work at 4pm. He lived on campus which his room was tiny! The other students were very messy and would drink a lot and leave their bottles laying around and they would listen to music loud and be loud themselves. I don't understand why would you want to stay "longer" in that environment when your not a party person yourself or a drinker. I don't know why he didn't rush to get out of there to see me (his girlfriend). We're young, new into the relationship so I believe, you'd do anything to see one another ASAP!!
Sometimes his reason to getting to my house at 7pm was because he went to the gym prior to coming. Again this annoys me because he had all day to go to the gym!! But of course he left it last minute when he could have being on his way to mine!
Last year my boyfriend and I had being thinking about moving in together as he was sick of travelling to me all the time (as I don't drive) and I was also sick of it because he didn't come EVERY weekend, sometimes he would not come because he wanted to do some assignments, etc or when he would come it was late so we would only eat dinner, shower then go to bed!! I felt like he thrived off the power of picking and choosing when he will visit and what time he will visit, etc. he also had the power to choose when to leave my home to go back to campus. Sometimes he would go lunch time of a Sunday other times he would leave early Monday morning.
December 2016 (last year) we moved in together. He had finished studying and went back to a job he previously was at. This move was my first time moving out of home! I was leaving my job where I was earning a good income, left my family behind whom I'm SUPER close with, etc all because I wanted to be with my boyfriend and he told me he would support me until I get a job.
Approx a month later I found a new good but I hated it so much that I left. After that, I decided to study which I am still doing and I've enquired a few salons about a career but I'm not having any luck therefore I am relying on my boyfriend to pay the rent, food, petrol, etc. It's truly a horrible feeling as I cannot buy whatever I want, even if I want an iced coffee from the coffee shop I feel like I cannot use my boyfriends money to get it as he calls that wasting money, yet he goes out and buys a protein powder which is almost $200.00 AUD and I've recently seen a nutritionist for my personal health reasons and she told me how they are not good and way over priced and I told him that but because his such a moron and can't listen to a professional his still out wasting that amount of money he believes he needs it, haha makes me laugh.
Anyway, since moving in with my boyfriend I have seen a whole different side of him!!!
I could mention so many things but whatever I can think of I shall mention it here now.
One, obviously I cannot cook! I've lived at home and just moved out and I'm not a big eater I'm more of a snacker/ small meals and VERY simple I am when it comes to food! But my BF expected me to know how to cook, which he is a healthy eater, as his a gym junkie. His also African while I'm Australian and he seems to have a bit of cultural ways of cooking his food. He loves EVERYTHING to be all fresh like veggies and your fish and salmon and much more. At home I was used to your frozen fish, throw it in the oven and your done, throw your chicken duet in oven and done. My BF likes his food cooked on the stove top in a frying pan and all this bulls***, expecting me know how to cook the cr** "his way" like fu** me dead.
I will say though, I have learned a few things from cooking "his style" anyway, so he will have his days of belittling my cooking abilities. He might say things like "or, you don't do it like that dumber you need to ____ blah blah blah blah" or he may say something like "god, you don't know how to do anything do you! Just move!!! Let me do it!! God (uses my name) if you can't even cook ______ then ..... orrrrr your just, (uses name) not even being helpful"
Two, a problem is cleaning, he leaves he shirts on the floor, shoes, bags, and who knows what else but these objects are laying around in the lounge room! Like WTF pick your sh** up and put in the wardrobe! I ain't his fuc**** mother, like what the hell!
Sometimes I wonder if I'm just his slave?
Three, he will eat his food at the dining table or on the lounge, but once his finished he WILL NOT ever take it to the kitchen sink! It will stay there until I go around around and pick it up! Like really how bloody lazy are you?!!
Four, five, six and more problems is isolation. Moving to the new town I have no friends here or family. I don't have transport to get me from A to B which we live like 15 mins out of town and 7 mins from the closest shopping mall. So I'm at home by myself Wed - Fri as Mon - Tues I'm at TAFE and Sat - Sun my BF is home. My BF finishes work at 4pm but claims he doesn't get out of there until 4:30pm and he arrives at home 4:40pm sometimes 4:30pm so it does all depend, but he will be at home for 30 mins (though I've being waiting to see him all day) and after that he f**** off to the gym for 1hr and 30mins - 2 hrs and 30 mins. He will come home whinging that his tired but how is that possible when he still forces himself to go to the gym. Then after gym he will come back home and still stay how his tired, he will eat dinner, shower and then go to bed! This annoys me because I wish we had a hobbie we could do together! I once was looking into attending gym with him but that all went down hill because he put up an argument saying that I would be there distracting him! Ha! Like bull**** would I! I'd be there working out myself but still it's the fact that we're doing a hobbie together.
But you know, his got all the power, his the one with the car, he can pick and choose when to go somewhere or if he wishes to leave to go somewhere and not take me which it's rare for him to get in the car and go without me down town or anything it was only the other day he did it as he was dealing with the car pink slip or some story. But I felt he still could have taken me!
Anyway, thankfully my parents are wonderful and they a few days ago bought me a motorbike so I am not so trapped, it's just a little scooter but this gives me more freedom! I'm so grateful of that!!
This morning my BF woke up for work and not long after I woke up while he was still here and he was about to leave to head to work and I was in the bedroom obviously doing my research on him without him knowing LOL trying to work out who the hell he is! & he came in to me and was all shocked that I am up and on my phone! His like do you know how much I want you of a morning to be up and sitting with me for breakfast!! Ah your just so ........ ah, why did you even come back home if your gunna be like this!! (I went back home Tuesday arvo and came back Wednesday arvo this was my first time since moving out mind you) and literally I just looked at my BF and gave him the silent treatment and he then said I was coming in here to say goodbye to you but ah ... (after that he walked outta the room)
Omg another story to share, right he came home from work one time, recently actually... and I've being at home all day obviously and I did not cook anything. So he then says to me "I'm hungry, I've being to work all day, your at home and you can't even cook me anything! Do you even think about me?" And I said yes I did think of you and that's exactly why I didn't cook the fish because I don't think it would be any good reheating fish PLUS it doesn't take that long to cook the fish!!! Oh but he carried on over it!
Honestly there is so much more I could mention if I remembered it all right now but I think of more stuff I will write it in the comments!
Point of this message is that I do love my BF but I do question these days a lot particularly, is this the relationship I want to deal with? Do I want to be treated like this? I think we'll how can I cope with his ways? Or how can things get better in our relationship?
I'm honestly so confused with life right now. Please I'd love to hear your opinion or experiences etc. I need some help and you may ask me many questions and personal ones too find out more about my relationship with my BF.