Hi everyone. I’m new here, and I’m not sure how everything works. I’ve had an issue with jealousy for pretty much my whole life I think. Part of it is trust issues, and maybe abandonment issues. Sometimes I even wonder if I have a personality disorder. I feel alone and sad a lot. I feel like no one can understand me, because I don’t even understand myself. I get jealous and feel very threatened if my husband even glances at an attractive female. I mean literally. If there’s an attractive female around my anxiety level goes through the roof, and I get very angry with him. I think this may be unusual, because most jealous people I’ve known or heard about, feels angry with the other female. Can anyone relate to this, or have any advice on how I can get passed this? This is really severe with me, and it’s making my life miserable. Thanks in advance.
Does your husband ever do things or say things that make you feel not good enough? It's possible for a person to have a problem with jealousy and be with a person that actually does things to make them feel insecure. Maybe your husband doesn't do anything and if that's the case thats great. Any of us can work on our self esteem at any point in our life. Believe me it can get better. Do you do things to build your self esteem? If not you can Google that and get endless ideas. You can talk about it here too and get helpful suggestions from others.
@Littleturtle1000 Thanks. I’ve had this problem in every relationship I’ve been in. I have a history of sexual abuse, and I don’t trust men in general. Actually, my husband did do something that upset me a lot. A couple of years ago I found out that he had been using pornography behind my back for several years while we were having some marriage problems. Since then he hasn’t done it again, but it still bothers me a lot. I think I’m sort of obsessed with it. I feel so hurt and betrayed. I can’t get it out of my mind. My self-esteem is definitely in the dumps. Lately, I heard about CPTSD, and I’m wondering if maybe I have that too. I finally made an appointment with a therapist, but I don’t see her until next week.
Hi SkyeBlue18, welcome! I hear you loud and clear. I used to suffer greatly with jealousy and insecurities due to coming from a childhood home of control and emotional and physical abuse. It's like I had on a certain colored "lens" where I was constantly on the lookout for these types of unstable emotional situations as well as mistrusting issues to pop up and then they would.... because I expected them to happen, therefore they did. My husband came from a history of family stability and love and a very calm persona. It used to drive me up a wall to see that he hardly ever got upset about things. I would worry, fret and make mountains out of molehills.
Through a lot of prayer, listening to Christian podcasts (Joyce Meyer is my fav) from people who were in similar situations as me helped me a ton over the years. I no longer struggle with jealousy, I do get a bit of low self esteem rising up, but I immediately turn those thoughts around and focus on the truths that I know. So, it goes like this... I start thinking my husband is arriving home later than usual, in the past, my mind would wander and wonder if he's cheating on me or that he just didn't want to come home to spend time with me. But what I learned to do is to stop those mental torture rabbit trails dead in their tracks and instead focus on TRUTH. The truth is my husband loves me fully and completely, he's never cheated or even given me a suspicion of cheating on me and that he had to work late because he took off a day last week to spend more time with me.... that's why he was late. Stop those negative jealous thoughts as soon as they start and turn your mind onto positive truthful talk. Have self talks with yourself that include thanksgiving and praise for your husband, yourself and knowing that you are in a committed relationship, ;you aren't being abused, you have the ability to walk, talk and reason. Just focusing on being thankful every single day will help you in so many ways. HUGS to you!!!! Great book that changed my life was from Joyce Meyer (she was sexually abused by her dad), it's called The Battlefield of the Mind. It teaches you how to change your thoughts, change your mind. She calls it "stinkin thinkin" when we can get caught up in bad mental trails, but we really do have the ability to take captive every thought. I hope this helps you!
@RoseyViolet Thanks so much. I’m happy to hear that you were able to get through it. That gives me hope. It’s odd, but I don’t seem to worry too much about him cheating on me when he is away from home for a while. I’m triggered mostly when another attractive female is around. Also, it’s so bad for me that I can not handle him watching T.V. when there are women who are dressed to be sexy to men. I think this is all related to my sexual abuse because of things my abuser did at times. If he was watching T.V. and I walked in he would expose himself. I think that somewhere along the way that I developed a phobia about men watching T.V. because I came to associate it with what he did. I was about 11 years old when I was abused. I’m hoping that EMDR will help with this. I will look into the book you mentioned. Hugs