Hi everyone :) I was wondering if anyone here has experience

Hi everyone :) I was wondering if anyone here has experienced how narcs treat their step children? How did they start off? Did they also idealize, devalue, and discard them?

Mine engages only on a need to basis, but he does that with his own children as well.

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How unfortunate for the children involved. It's so sad to think that these people don't even care about their own children..

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My ex narc had 2 stepchildren and 3 of his own. He gave his stepchildren such a difficult time, they moved out when they became of age. As far as his own 3 children, he had custody every other weekend-their lives had to evolve around his. He’s a heavy gambler, would sleep late, get up at 5am to place his bets and go back to sleep until 2 pm while the kids just watched tv. Eventually, they didn’t enjoy being with dad. They even asked their dad not to come to their graduation. He blames his ex wife for bribing the kids not to see him and blamed me for loving me too much so he lost his kids. I believed him then. The kids eventually took their moms last name and gave up his as they got older. Now, that’s sad.

Mine is hot and cold with my son. Whose father is absent, he is about to turn 14 and I feel so bad for him. He degrades him and praises him in the same horrible roller coaster ride as me

@Buttercupcat01 If you don’t mind my asking, did he appear very attentive and like he wanted to be the perfect father for your son in the beginning? How long into the relationship was it until the narc began to show his true colors and mistreat your son?

This is why i kept my kids from my previous marriage away from N. I lost them for a while cuz they live with their dad. Their dad has some narc qualities but is not an N. Mostly just selfish. So i miss them but theyre safe from the roller coaster at least.

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@iwillgetout for sure if I didn’t think it would hurt and worry my son I would love to send him away to my parents until I figure it out. I would miss him too much.

Yes. I had no kids with my xnarc..I have 3.. he discarded them as well. Before wen him and I was good..he would show concern ( fake) my kids got used to seeing him in and out of my life ,:/ this was all before I knew he was a narc. Now I wouldn't let him near me or my kids!!.. he will never be worthy.

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He was amazing at first! Playing with him taking him fishing teaching him stuff. It was gradual started when he starting getting older. He was 6 when we met now almost 14. He says he is lazy and what not. But refuses to enforce my chores and he is home with him hours before me. When he is being "nice" he is still great to him. Poor kid is just as confused as I am. I'd say about 2 years in it really picked up its momentum.

@Buttercupcat01 are you still with your narc?

My step father was a narc. Everything started out fine, he would buy me gifts and would be nice to me. Once him and my mom were married things started to change. He too would call me lazy, while he refused to get a job. Then he started to hyper focus on every little thing I would do and criticize me. Then there were nights where he would berate me about every mistake I had ever made and tell me what a horrible person I was. This would go on for hours. As a kid I was so confused as to why this adult hated me so much, no matter what I did. I later leaned he hated that my "mother loved me more then him". Anytime my mother would try to leave him he would guilt her into coming back. It wasn't until a ran away from home and refused to come back that she was finally able to leave him for good. She stayed in that relationship for 14 years but I don't blame her or feel anger at all towards her. I know first hand how hard it is to leave and how scary life is afterwards.

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@RoxySan omg i’m so sorry- well i’m glad you both are not involved with this narc anymore- i hope you are getting better- are you seeking therapy?

I have not seen or talked to him for 10 years. I was in therapy shortly after I left and I went through therapy where we did EMDR. I had no idea at the time my step father was a narc. When I was younger I was in therapy for self harm and I tried to tell the therapist that I thought my step father hated me but I didn't know why. He brushed it off saying it was all in my head. I have been fine for awhile but my bf's ex is trigger a lot of the same negative emotions I had as a kid; helpless, confused, angry, guilt, shame. That's why I'm here I guess. I'm also looking into support groups I can go to in person.

@RoxySan I’m glad you found this site as support a lot of wonderful supporters here on this site! it’s really helped me through a lot . gosh i can’t imagine as a kid going through that- im so sorry …big hugs:)

I like to think it made me strong and able to recognize this in people intuitively.

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@RoxySan I’m very sorry about your experience. It’s good to hear both you and your mom got out of there :slight_smile: You’re right, I think if we can take anything away from experiencing a narc is that we now know how they are and can identify their traits more easily.

Nope. Doesn't want any. I used to want more until a few years in. (Red flag) recently I missed my period and was willing to abort due to not wanting a baby with him (another) it came (messed up pills, NEVER again!!!!)