Hi everyone
I'm feeling so much worse than my last post. So last week I told you guys what happened between me and my husband and how he said he at the end of living in the house well today it got worse. I'm so heartbroken,angry,stressed and confused. So he hasn't said one word to me since last Friday. He comes in the house every morning and doesn't say one word to me. It's been a rough week because it's hurting my feelings that he can walk right past me and not speak but he talks to the kids. So today is day 7 and I couldn't take it anymore. We have never gone this long without talking to each other. When he came in and walked past me and didn't say anything so I said to him excuse me but how long you gone keep ignoring me and he looked me up and down and walking up the stairs. I said oh no I'm not doing this anymore so I went upstairs behind him and he went into his man cave room so I said are you seriously going to keep ignoring me and he didn't say a word he just started feeding his fish and so I was getting mad because I'm talking to him and he is just completely ignoring me. So I said to him are you done with this marriage and he wouldn't answer me. I said I just need to know so that I can know what I need to do. He still wouldn't answer me. He needed to get past me to go to the bathroom so he says excuse me and so I say so you can say that but you can't answer my question! He just said excuse me again and I said no not until you answer my question so he changed his mind and sat in his chair. I said I will leave you alone just answer my question so I can know what I need to do. He still wouldn't answer me he just said get out of my space and I said I'm not in your space and he said I was cause I was in his doorway and he tried to close the door and I stopped it with my hand so he said don't make me move you. So now I feel so angry that this could turn physical and that's something we have never done so when he went to close the door I just let him then I yelled Why are you even here ! I then was just standing there praying with my hands folded cause I wanted to punch something. So I guess he thought that I had left so he opened his door to go to the bathroom and walked right past me. I lost it and I said I'm not living like this I need to figure out what my options are. I called my mom and I just started crying and telling her what happened and she said I needed to remove myself from the situation and to come to her house just to give myself some breathing room. So I did leave. I'm just heartbroken because I don't want my marriage to be over and I truly don't deserve to be treated like this. I really love my husband and none of this makes sense. I know that if he wants to leave I can't stop him but I can't live like this while he trying to save for his own place or move in with someone else. I just don't get why he would continue to be here if he doesn't want to live here anymore. I just needed to vent a little. If anyone has any advice for me I appreciate it
sending you a hug. I hope you find comfort and breathing room in your mom's place for a while and talk it over with her if needed.
@strawblue must have been difficult… I can tell.
So follow up from previous post. So we finally talked and he said it wasn't about the juice that he had a few issues with me but he was willing to talk to me about it but only if I am willing to accept accountability. So I agreed and we went to dinner and he basically said that he is tired of me choosing when I want to talk to him and when I don't. He said I've been short with him and snappy and at first he thought oh well maybe she having a bad day but after awhile he got tired of it so he decided to treat me the same way I treat him. He said I don't have the basic qualities of a wife. He said I don't let a man be man, he has regretted getting married, I'm too independent I need to be by myself or at least not with him, he don't enjoy being around me I don't know how to follow I snap at him in a heartbeat but I'm nice and patient with everyone else. We don't have a partnership I'm stubborn set in my ways we have no intimacy don't take accountability always think I'm right always think I'm on top of my stuff I'm not consistent. When we first got together I was best friend but when we moved in together it changed. We can be married but not live together. I don't agree with everything he said but some of it was true like I'm stubborn and set in my ways. We are in the process of buying our house but now he doesn't want to be attached to the house because he doesn't know how long he is going to be here. So my question is am I wrong for feeling upset that we aren't buying the house together or is this really not a big deal
@Punkin5681 my advice is to speak with a lawyer for advice (quietly) and an individual therapist for support. Gaslighting is blaming you for his problems. This relationship does not sound healthy from your description and is stressing to the breaking point. You need professional input now. This site, friends and family are not trained to help those on the brink of crisis. Glad your mom is supportive. I certainly would not buy a house with someone who I have this much trouble with. Abuse Hotlines are also a good idea. Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse. couples therapy only works with two, honest, motivated adults. Best wishes.
@Wolfgurl1 I agree. @Punkin5681: Once we get to the point of losing our temper and possibly becoming abusive ourselves, we are officially in crisis in my opinion. If we feel abused emotionally, we can only take it so long until we crack. We need to seek professional mental health support and receive legal advice before it gets worse.