Hi everyone. I've been having a really hard day. I was reliving the brief relationship I had with the man who gave me herpes. It was fun and exciting when we were getting to know each other, then we started sleeping together and everything was great. Then, I noticed some sore bumps and went to the doctor. I had to tell him he gave it to me... He apologized profusely but then subtly made it clear he no longer wanted to see me. I just can't understand how we could go from a budding relationship to now perfect, sad strangers with a secret. Did anyone else have this experience? Did the person that gave you herpes just stop talking to you or back away slowly? Why? Is he embarrassed? Does he think I'm gross for having a symptom?
1 Heart
I don't know what this is like, but I'm sure giving it to someone is horrific and embarrassing so yes. But it's not ok that he ran from that, this is a REAL situation that he should not have backed away from. The guilt is probably what did it, not you! The person who gave me HSV eventually broke up with me, but then tried to get me back after a break. Maybe that can still happen for you, but I don't think you deserve someone who would hurt you then ditch you to avoid conflict. That really sucks this happened this way, this sort of thing is already hard! Don't take it out on yourself, getting this disease wasn't your fault, and neither is him distancing himself. You are not a problem, you are a person!
1 Heart
@BIRDSdotJPEG, thank you for the kind and thoughtful response. You’re right, that even if he does eventually contact me, I don’t think his running from conflict is a desirable quality. I’m just bummed he couldn’t have handled it in a more mature way. I have tried to be understanding toward him, knowing like you said, that giving someone the disease would be horrific, embarrassing, and guilt-inducing. In retrospect, I’ve wanted to eat some of my words the week I was diagnosed with genital HSV-1. I told him I’d been sobbing and not sleeping but that I didn’t blame him. I regret telling him how I was handling it emotionally because I feel like that probably only made it harder on him. I wish I could take it back but it was really what I was going through at the time… How did you handle it?