Hi everyone reading this so my fiance has trust issues now hes not controlling at all hes a great man trust me I love him so much but anyways I told him about a friend I made on a dating app way before I knew him and he told me that when I started the group chat with the guy I made friends with I also added my fiance of course that he doesnt trust other guys that he trust me so I ended it with other guy but I feel he doesnt trust me and I get he has trust issues my mom said this is what trust issues are that doesn't mean you don't love eachother it's just your man has a hard time and thinks the worst of things but at same time loves you and you need to understand that they cant help the way they are and my mom told him I would never cheat on him ever we made up and are doing ok but I still feel like making friends the only friend I have was from middle school shes a girl and she has a girlfriend but when I try to have a guy friend hes not having it please no bad things about my man hes a great guy if you knew him you would be agreeing with me my mom says him I should make friends together but it seems like he wants to and then doesnt want to I don't know what to do I love him and my bestfriend said you should be able to male friends I tried doing it together to make another couple friends two people who are couples I guess I'll only have my bestfriend from school as I mentioned now I'm 30 years old just to let you know but she lives almost three hours away like 2 hours 45 mins away 3 hours if traffic so what can I do nothing I say works please dont take this out of context hes a good guy it's just in his mind no I'm not leaving him hes only like this with making a guy friend as what I know Cuz anything else in life we are good
Having a circle of friends is normal and healthy...for both of you. I would suggest that you two continue having discussions about your feelings, needs, and aspirations; particularly your loneliness without friends and his fears of abandonment and rejection. If necessary, you might want to try couples counseling. Sometimes a neutral third party can help provide a different perspective, and offer a safe, supportive, and structured environment for you both to express your feelings.
@Piobaire fears of abandonment and rejection? What about it . He said to me Is this why you want friends you feel lonely I’ll quit my second job but we need the income so I said no
Personally I don't think it's that bad that your fiance doesn't feel comfortable with you having a guy friend. Most of the time our close friends are same sex anyway I think. I'm sure your fiance is a good person, he may have insecurities that even go beyond not wanting you to have a guy friend so that can be a problem too. Really I think it would be best for him to get help for his self esteem because even if he wasn't in a relationship he needs to feel better about himself, wouldn't you agree? I wouldn't focus so much on the fact that he doesn't feel comfortable with you having a guy friend, I would be more concerned about him not feeling very good about himself because that affects alot of aspects in our life, not just our romantic relationships. You can make female friends. If his insecurities are so severe that it affects your everyday life in the relationship then it is very important for you two to work on that for a long time before getting married so your marriage will be more successful, that doesn't mean he isn't a good person at all , it just means he's struggling with something and needs help and support.
hello @Fohb460 married now all these years he wasn’t ok with me having friends he says to me why do u need guy friends I said because I want to because all my friends are female. so I had a really serious conversation with him all these years nothing worked for me. so today well last month in July I told him this sis a serious conversation I want friends I said my file is three hours a way my best friend is three hours away and my sister is back and forth from Florida and here. I see my other sister once in awhile since my man works and when he can figure times to go see her. but when. I had this conversation in July of 2024 he all sudden said ok to making friends all these years and now finally this conversation made him say ok. I jut don’t get it why ok now. He says because he sees how sad iam and really want friends ill take that but don’t understand why it took so many conversations for him to agree I mean im happy he said ok but you get what Im saying hopefully